My brother and I often heard that as children, “you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’”. Adam’s warning is “I’ll beat your bottom blue”. My parents never bruised us, and Adam’s never beat me blue, but the threat is still effective. I have been especially good and have been going through a lot of personal and family tragedy, so I haven’t felt Adam’s hand connect with my butt, let alone a belt/hairbrush/etc, besides some playful swats that are a regular occurrence at my house. I’ve had this quiet desire to do something that crosses the line so that I can “encourage” him to pull me across his lap and spank me til I’m sobbing and begging him to stop. It’s nearly impossible to explain why I would feel this way to anyone who doesn’t already understand. It makes me feel safe, protected, reminds me that my husband is in control. When life is throwing shit at me and there’s nothing I can do about it, I want to let go of the weight I feel I’m carrying on my own shoulders. I don’t just want to let go, I want to have to let go.
I’ve been especially horny lately, too. My friends doubt me, but Adam and I have sex every single night with only rare exceptions. Yet, I wake up wanting to get him inside me again and again. I think, for me, this comes from my enjoying having every ounce of Adam’s attention. Life is busy! He gets work calls and texts constantly. We spend way too much time staring at TV, iPad, iPhone screens. We have kids who wind up starting accidental fires, breaking bones, shooting BB guns and hitting the neighbor’s car if we aren’t paying attention. (They’re truly not bad kids, but these things have happened.) I love having his full attention.
Last night, I walked downstairs and Adam had his belt in his hand. Just the sight of it makes me cover my butt with my hands. Maybe, I won’t be so quick to tempt him into using that thing on me. Maybe.