This last year has been the longest, hardest year of my life. My son spent 3 weeks in the hospital last Fall, my mom got sick, we lost her this Spring, my dad moved in with us, my husband’s job has been impacted by corona horribly, a good friend of ours took his life last week absolutely unexpectedly, and I’m about to turn another year older this week. After 30, birthdays haven’t been something I look forward to. Now despite all of that, I catch myself feeling good more and more often lately. The sun is out, it’s 68 degrees, it’s the holiday season and everyone around me is just extra kind. I’m fixing to make some Christmas candy with my kids and jam to some good music. It’s hard to put into words, but I almost feel guilty for days like these when I’m contented and happy. Losing loved ones is so painful.
Adam and I have struggled while I’ve been trying to crawl out of the hole I found myself stuck in emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. I retreat into myself and refuse to let people in when life is too much. I’m very blessed to have a husband who is patient, kind, loving, and knows when I need to be left alone, when I need a hug, and when I need a spankin’. It’s hard when we aren’t as close or understanding of each other, but it’s also beautiful how much closer we grow when we finally reach the other side of troubled times. He stands with me through all of the ups and downs.
I have some stories to tell and ideas for new blog posts, so I’m going to post more often so long as I’m able to stay upright for awhile before life throws anymore BS at me! I miss this because I love to write, but depression takes the joy out of everything. I’m praying for more days like this one. Happy Holidays!