Monsters

I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

~James Blunt

It would’ve been Adam’s dad’s birthday, in May. Father’s Day is also coming right up. Last night, I had a bad dream. I was whimpering, in my sleep. I woke up, as Adam rolled over and pulled me into his arms. I don’t even remember what I’d been dreaming? Adam was right there, for me, though. He’s this source of such incredible strength and security, for our family. I’m realizing, he really doesn’t have that, for himself. He doesn’t have the comfort of knowing someone bigger, stronger, wiser, will be there to catch him. He just can’t fall down. The weight of that must be very heavy, especially this time of year.

That’s not to say that I’m not always here for him. I’m not going anywhere. We have different roles, and responsibilities, though. Being the “wife”, is a position I’d never wish to trade, for “husband”.

I texted Adam, a couple weeks ago. I asked him if he ever felt resentful of women. Not in a hateful way. Just, does he ever quietly wish he could switch places with me? I look at my life, and I fully acknowledge, I’m living a simpler existence. My days aren’t as hard. I don’t carry the pressures he does. I’ll have to answer to God, one day, for my own sins. He’ll have to do it, too. When he married me, he vowed to accept responsibility over the family he was creating. That’s a very big commitment to make. He did it, for me. He did it, for our family. He does it every single day, and night. He never lets us down. Even in the middle of the night, when he overhears my bad dreams. He’s there. He’s got me. According to his response to my text, he’s glad to be the man. I’m grateful, that I haven’t made him feel differently.

This was on my mind, today. So, I wanted to write it down.