100 in a 55

Goin’ a hundred in a fifty five…

~Pop Evil

We are officially into the Summer season, now! Our weather’s been abnormally cool, for this time of year. I think we’ve only had temperatures over 90 degrees, for 3 days of this year. It’s 82 out, right now. We’ve got a whole lot of storm chances, through this week. It’s rained, here and there, but nothing much, so far.

Last night, I made beef and noodles, and homemade dinner rolls, for supper. I made way too much, but it turned out delicious!

I don’t understand what’s going on with me, but I just cannot seem to gain, or even maintain my weight, recently. I’d gotten up to a healthier number, a few months back. Recently, it’s all been melting off of me, and I truly don’t know why? I hadn’t stood on our scale for awhile, until yesterday. The numbers I saw, as I looked down, scared me.

I’m 5’2” tall (short). I’ve always been small. My entire family is built like that. The women, anyway. My daughter is tiny. I’ve never had an eating disorder. I’ve never deprived myself of food. Hell, I bought a bag of snack sized candy bars, last week. I polished the last of them off, on Monday! I can put food down, and everyone close to me knows this. I got some not so tasty meal replacement shakes, in an attempt to help boost my daily calories. I load up my meals with butter, milk, and cream, just like the doctor’s have said to. My periods have been incredibly regular, with the exception of that one blip, a few months back. I don’t feel bad. I take my vitamins everyday. I haven’t been covered in bruises. That’s my first signal of iron deficiency. My blood work was perfect. My blood pressure and all the vitals look great. I’m certainly not depressed. Why though, is this happening? I made myself 3 scrambled eggs. I put those into 2 tortilla shells, with some onion and hot sauce, and ate them both. I’ve also had a protein bar, a shake, and an orange. I’m making ham steaks, macaroni and cheese, and stuffing, for supper. I know that I eat way more than Jackie does! Yet, she struggles to lose weight. I’m going to talk with my doctor about it. It’s frustrating though, because I pretty much always get told the same thing. Eat more carbs, and load them up with butter and cream. Y’all, I should be overweight, the way I already eat! I’m getting overwhelmed with this constant battle. I know that folks who are working hard to lose weight can get annoyed, when I bitch and moan, but I’m not lying here. I literally don’t know what else to do. I want to look good! I want to be healthy! Ugh…

One thing that my people know, is I almost never sit down. I’m always moving. I’m always finding something to keep busy. The warmer months, even more so. I love to be outside. I am always down to jump on the trampoline, go swimming, play basketball (or “horse”), with the kids. Keeping our house clean and organized is like a passion of mine. I also so enjoy cooking. It’s fun to make good meals for my family. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s lazy. I will admit, I can procrastinate, sometimes. There are some things that I put off, occasionally. I suppose that’s because I often begin one task, that leads to another, and before I know it, the day is done. I do actually have, diagnosed, attention deficit disorder. For what that’s worth? My closest friends tease that I’m a “nymphomaniac”, too. I have never once, in my life, watched porn. I’ve had sex with 2 men, including my husband. I’m definitely not a sex addict. I do love to get it on, with my husband, though. I saw a survey that said 1 in 3 marriages are sexless. Wow! I truly can’t imagine not desiring Adam, and the sense of closeness that comes from the two of us becoming one.

On another note, Mj’s best friend is celebrating her birthday, this coming Saturday. They’re having a pool party. Justin, Jackie, Adam, I, and the kids, are all going to go to her party. Justin has to be out of town, all next week, for work. I think he wants to take Jackie out for supper, on Friday evening, and just spend time with her. We didn’t go to church, last Sunday, because it was Father’s Day. We were all meeting at Poppy’s place, so we missed church. I’m sure we’ll get back, this Sunday, though.

I really haven’t had any significant conflicts, or challenges, lately. I don’t have anything “deep” to write about. Adam and I have been great. He pissed me off, a couple weeks ago, but he knew it. He very quickly admitted his mistake, and made it right. Other than that, there’s nothing much to tell. Things are going good. If I can just get myself a little closer to 100 pounds, that would be amazing. That’s the only thing bothering me, right now. I don’t “push”, or “test” Adam, quite so much, these days. He’s become uber consistent. And, I can easily predict his responses, when I do. I don’t want a sore behind, so I don’t look for one. On the other hand, I’ve noticed myself becoming much less prone to let my insecurities drive me. Adam’s got me. I don’t need to run towards any cliffs, to believe that. Of course, I know there will be a time, one of these days, when I do step over the line. For the last while, though, I haven’t.