~Warren Zeiders

This weekend has flown by, same as pretty much every weekend does. Friday evening, Justin and Jackie came over. The guys chopped some wood, so we could have a fire at Poppy’s, Saturday night. Then, we all played cornhole awhile. Saturday morning, I ran a few errands. Mikayla has been driving my car, until we find her a new one. Between her having my car, and the little kiddos I’m babysitting, I’ve been home bound nearly everyday. I loved getting in my car, cranking up my radio, and getting out. Jackie and I went and picked up some beer, to bring to our guitar night. We got ready, and headed over to his house. We all roasted brats and hotdogs over the fire. Poppy’s girlfriend made a delicious dip, so we also ate that with some tortilla chips. I brought my “s’mores kit”, so we could make s’mores over the fire, too. Everybody else started showing up, and our music fun began. I’ve sure missed these guitar nights! It’s been way too long since we’ve done one of them.

That was such a fun night! The weather is fixing to turn cold, so we decided we’re going to plan a guitar night at our house. We can set it all up in our basement. Everybody was totally down for it, so I’ll definitely be setting this up soon! Struggle Jennings recently moved into the same neighborhood as Poppy’s girlfriend. Jackie and I both adore him. I’d love to set up a music night and get him involved!

I’ve truly been nothing but good, lately. Adam accused me of rolling my eyes at him, the other night, but I hadn’t. If I look him in his eyes, and tell him “I didn’t do that”, he always takes my word for it. I also never lie to him, like that. I’ve never looked him in his eyes, and flat out lied. We’ve been silly and had a lot of great sex, but there’s been no trouble.

Mj is at a friend’s house, hanging out. Mikayla is at work. Wyatt is lounging around, playing video games, in his bedroom. Adam’s chilling on the couch. I’m downstairs, watching some episodes of I Love Lucy, and snuggled under a blanket. It’s currently 63 degrees outside, but I feel chilly today! I haven’t decided what I’m making for supper, yet. Either potato soup, or this Italian shells pasta recipe I’ve got all the stuff for. I need to clean the kitchen, and vacuum the floors. I’m just enjoying being lazy, for awhile. My hair still smells like the smoke from the campfire we had last night. I’ll probably have to wash our bedding, since I’ve likely transferred that same smell to my pillow.

I’ve been working hard to get a good routine with these kids I’m babysitting. We’re finding our flow, and it’s getting much easier. I’d love to be able to write more, during the week, but I’ve been so busy and exhausted, it’s dang near impossible. I suspect that we’re nearing a point where that’ll be able to fit into my days again, though. Without going into detail, those babies have been through it. It takes time, and a lot of patience, to help them adjust to the big changes they’ve experienced. The baby, Emma, choked last week here. I’d given them some fruit snacks, and she tried to swallow one of them whole. Justin and Jackie were here, as well as all my kids, and a couple of their friends. Everyone stood silent, as I worked to dislodge the fruit snack from her throat. It was scary as hell, but I’m proud of myself for remaining calm, and doing what needed to be done. Once everybody left, I had a quiet moment alone. I began to shake all over. I couldn’t even lift my glass of lemonade to my mouth, because my hands shook so bad. All the fear and adrenaline were coming out. I truly do fall in love with every single child I’ve cared for. I love those babies.

I’m going to sit here and do a bunch of nothing, a little bit longer, before I get the things I need to accomplished. Tomorrow is Monday, which begins a week of very busy. Tuesday is Halloween. The kids don’t have school, Wednesday, so they’ll all be home that day too. So, I’m taking advantage of the opportunity to relax in this quiet moment.

Pictures and passing time…

I remember, I remember everything.

~Zach Bryan

We had a great time, last weekend. I’ve had all the little people I’m watching, until today. I had a whole day off. I’ve spent today cleaning like crazy. I scrubbed baseboards, cleaned bathrooms, washed walls and doors. I wiped all the cupboards and appliances down. I vacuumed and mopped all the floors. I dusted. I washed windows. It feels so good to have all those things done.

The weather here’s been hot and sticky, all week. We’re going to Poppy’s Saturday, for our guitar night with everybody. Next week, it turns cold, though! The high on Halloween is only like 52 degrees. There’s also a chance of rain. I really hope it doesn’t. The kids have so much fun going out with their friends, to trick or treat.

Adam finally got our living room TV mounted over our fireplace, a couple days ago. Having these little kids here had me desperate to get that done. Tiny hands constantly touching it, and throwing things around it. I think it looks so good in there, now!

I haven’t done a thing to piss Adam off. It’s been busy as heck here, but not in a bad way. I’m spending a whole lot of energy to take care of these little ones, and my own family. I’m so excited to get dressed up cute, and to have fun with my people, Saturday! Last night, Justin and Jackie came over. The guys were chopping firewood, out back. Jackie and I had just gone out there, and Mj was attempting to chop a piece of wood. I told her that’s real dangerous, and she could get hurt bad. Justin took over. His very first swing, the wood split and the axe landed on his foot! Thankfully, he didn’t cut himself too badly. His toenail got pulled up from his toe, though. It looked painful as hell. Jackie’s heading over here soon. We’re going to hang out for awhile. Tomorrow, I’ll have the littles again. It’ll be Friday, though! Then, it’s time to have a fun weekend.

I’ve been doing good. Really good. I feel good. It’s been busy, but I’m alright. I had the worst period cramps I’ve had in years, earlier in the week. That was tough. I’m much better now, though. Other than that, I’ve got no complaints. I probably won’t have all the little kiddos I’m watching, for too many more days. Life can get back to a little more “normal”, whatever that is! Halloween being right around the corner, means November first is almost here. November first, is when I start bringing out the Christmas decorations! I love to decorate for the holidays. I hate the cold and dreary weather, but I love the season. Everyone’s planning to come over here, for Thanksgiving, again this year. I love staying busy with the people I love.

Oh, I can’t believe it’s true sometimes

I get to love you
It’s the best thing that I’ll ever do

~Ruelle

It’s been a WEEK! We’ve had three extra little people at our house. They’re 5, 3, and 1 and a half years old. I’m watching Jackie’s sister’s youngest three kids everyday, all day, Monday through Friday. They’re good kids, but it’s a lot. Keeping up with my housework, my own kids, and all the things I’m accustomed to just isn’t as easy, with three extra little people here.

Her youngest, Emma, has a trachea. I’ve taken classes, so I know how to take care of all her needs. She’s amazing, though! That little girl talks over her trachea. She has done so incredible, they’re going to be doing surgery to remove it, soon. Doctors never expected her to be where she’s already at. I love that baby. She’s ornery as hell, but I love it. The other two are very very sweet, also. It’s a big adjustment, when kids first come to our house. They have to learn our rules, and how things work here. We’ve been through this plenty of times. We’ve fostered and babysat for a whole lot of kids. Once we get past the first couple of weeks, things settle. It’s so busy right now though, I haven’t even had the energy or time to write here.

Today, Adam and Wyatt cleaned out our garage. I enjoyed slowly waking up, sipping on my coffee, and not having anything to do. I cleaned our windows. They were covered in tiny handprints. I organized all the toys in the playroom. I took a long shower, put on something cute, and had the opportunity to take care of me. Jackie came over, this afternoon. We did some crafting. The guys watched football. They’ve got ribs on the grill, for supper. We have a couple other friends coming over tonight, too. Adam’s good friend and his girlfriend. Jackie and I have set up everything for us to do a goofy fun activity. We’ve got blank canvasses for everyone to paint on. We’re going to have each couple paint one another. Except, Jackie and I are making our guys look like Homer Simpson (Adam), and the Pillsbury Doughboy (Justin). It’s going to be hilarious!

The weather’s gorgeous. It’s a perfect evening for hanging out with friends. I expect we’ll get our cornhole boards out, later. I made pasta salad, and corn on the cob, to go with their ribs. Jackie is sitting on the deck, with the boys. I just finished cleaning the dishes, so I took this moment to write something here.

Next Saturday, we’re having a big guitar night get together at Poppy’s. That’s going to be a blast! Jackie and I went to Poppy’s house on Thursday evening. He cooked supper for us. We ate, and then we sat on his screened in porch and talked and laughed awhile. That was really nice.

I still hit them dive bars
Every once in a blue moon
Got a wild card
I keep inside my boot

Been thinking lately maybe I should save it
‘Cause them hangovers sure kick my ass these days
So I spend most my happy hours here at home
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

But I can still raise hell all night with the boys when I want too
Lay that hammer down to see how fast she’ll go
But these days I hang my hat on what I won’t do
And I’ve been finding peace of mind, slowing my role
You learn to tow that line with time, as it goes
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

It’s when you start thinkin’
How much time left you got
If there’s more sand in the bottom, or the top
‘Cause that hourglass we have don’t last forever
Been thinking ’bout it more and more, these days
It’s like the less you have, the faster that it goes
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

~Luke Combs

We had a great time, last night. Jackie and I crafted some new things. After supper, we all went outside to play cornhole for awhile. The weather was so beautiful!

Today has been a lazy Saturday, at home. The kids have friends over. They’re all watching a movie, downstairs. Adam’s watching football. I finished cleaning up the supper dishes, and now I’m making my vanilla cappuccino, in the kitchen. I made sloppy joes and nachos, for supper. Tomorrow, Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I are going to make our Costco trip. It’s been a nice, quiet day at home, today. It’s cooler out, too. Especially this evening. It’s crazy how quickly the air has turned chilly. It was stuffy and hot, last night. Today is much more like a “Fall” day.

There’s no trouble. No worries. No drama, whatsoever. It’s just a magically perfect kind of day. In fact, it’s been like that for a good little while, lately.

~Kenny Chesney & Old Dominion

I’ve probably used this song, as a title, already. It was in my head, and it’s appropriate, so I used it. Likely for the second time 😆

Yesterday, Jackie and I went and did a little shopping. I needed to return a couple things to Kohl’s, that didn’t fit the kids right. Then, we went to a couple of craft stores. I found some stuff to use for future projects. When we got back here, Jackie and I crafted. The boys grilled chicken for us. I made macaroni and cheese, with melty, runny cheese, to dip the spicy chicken into. I also made some lemon pepper green beans. It was all delicious! After supper, the boys watched a football game, while Jackie and I went back downstairs to craft.

I slept a little better, last night. I didn’t do quite as much tossing and turning. Except for, at some point during the night, Adam grabbed onto my behind, and squeezed. It woke me up, and I hollered, OWIEEE! He’s been known to sleep talk, and he regularly gets “handsy”, without even realizing it. More than once, I’ve woken up and thought, ooh maybe he wants some midnight action! Only to discover, he’s fast asleep.

Adam was in a great mood, yesterday. Work has been going real well, for him. He’s got a new truck ordered, that’ll be here sometime between March and May of next year. He’s excited about that. I’ve been looking into a few different local craft fairs, coming up. I thought maybe Jackie and I could be one of the vendors, and sell some of our stuff. Whether I actually make any money, or not, it’s a lot of fun. I’ve already made several gifts for family and friends, I intend to give them for Christmas. I’m working on a cute height chart, for Pj.

Jackie is heading over here, soon. We’re going to hang out, and craft, until the boys get home. Jackie is cooking us all beef stroganoff, tonight. Later, we’re planning to set up our cornhole boards, and play several rounds. Of course, Jackie and I always win the majority of our games of cornhole. She has a notebook she’s been keeping track of our scores on. There hasn’t been a night yet, where we didn’t beat the guys, overall. Last year, Jackie and I played a game against some strangers, at a bar. There was a crowd watching. One person attempted to walk in front of us, and someone else stopped him. He yelled, “Hey man! They’re professionals! Stay out of the way!” Jackie and I still laugh about that!

Sunday, we’re all going to make a trip to Costco. It’s been a trip we make, every 6 weeks or so, to restock on some bulk food and household items. It can easily be an expensive excursion. Adam and I spent over $600, last time. Most of the stuff in our buggy, was things Adam put in there, though. His eyes always get big, when there’s lots of meat varieties he can get to grill. It isn’t a bad thing, anyhow, because our freezer gets stocked, and we don’t need to buy any meat for a good while. Groceries are so expensive, anyway. I suppose it’s just the spending so much at once, on groceries, not something fun, but groceries, that makes me groan.

Besides all that, I don’t have much to write about today. It’s a beautiful day, here. I put on some high waisted jeans, and a white crop top t-shirt. I have a tiny hair straightener, I use on my bangs. My hair is naturally curly, and I don’t straighten it often. I just sprayed some sea salt spray in my hair, and let it do its thing. I have gotten lots of compliments on my new bangs, though!

I also got my dress, for Jackie and Justin’s wedding! It arrived, this morning. I’m waiting on Jackie to get here, before I try it on. I think it’ll be super cute! We’re having such a blast, with this wedding planning. As fast as I know time flies, nearly a whole year feels like a long time to wait for something we’re all so excited to get to!

I’ve been a walkin’ heartache, I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately ain’t who I wanna be
But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

‘Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

~Blake Shelton

We had a great weekend. Saturday afternoon, Justin and Jackie came over. I had made chili, in my crockpot. The kids had some friends over. It was gorgeous, outside. Sunny, and mid 60’s. Perfect sweater weather.

Later, the kids all went inside, popped some popcorn, and had a movie night. Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I played cornhole for awhile. Then, we started a fire, and sat out around the warmth it provided us, from the crisp Fall chill in the air. Mj brought out her guitar, and serenaded us. She made up a few silly songs, and had us cracking up!

Jackie picked up Mj’s guitar, and attempted to play and sing us a tune. That was also hilarious!

Sunday afternoon, Justin and Jackie came back over. The boys watched football, while Jackie and I cooked some beef tips in broth, to put over egg noodles and mashed potatoes.

While that slow cooked, Jackie, Mj, and I drove over to visit Jackie’s sister. She just got a new house, and I wanted to check it out. I’m so proud and happy for her! After supper, Jackie and I went downstairs, to do some crafting.

It’s another beautiful Fall day, with plenty of sunshine. I’m listening to music, and doing some housework. I’ve got nothing important that needs doing, today. It’s just a quiet, relaxing day at home. I really enjoy these kind of days.

Adam and I have been so good, I don’t have much of anything to say about us! He was so tired, when we went to bed last night, I decided not to make any attempts at getting his clothes to come off. Instead, I took a long bath, this morning, and took the time to make every part of my body look, feel, and smell so tempting, he won’t be able to fall asleep without exploring every inch of me, tonight.

It’s been such a long while, since Adam’s spanked me, besides playfully. The competitive part of me has decided to see just how long I can go, without crossing any boundaries. When I consider doing anything that could wind up with trouble, I choose to avoid it, because I don’t want to end this perfect “streak” I’m on. I think Adam’s proud of me too, when he sees I’m trying. I haven’t so much as cut my eyes at him, in weeks. I’ve been known to occasionally sort of flip him off, quietly, but it’s been even longer since I’ve done that. He rarely realizes, when I do, but I still haven’t, even quietly, in a good while. He’s so patient, gentle, and thoughtful. I can’t help but respect him. Through the recent stressful shit we’ve had, he’s been amazing. Having someone love me, and our babies, the way my husband does, it’s more than I could have imagined possible. Friday evening, when we were at the football game, at MiKayla’s high school, I noticed someone walk past us, carrying a funnel cake they’d purchased from the concession stands. Adam didn’t hesitate to get up, go stand in line, and bring me one. I didn’t even have to ask him to do it! He just did it, because he knew I love them things. Such a tiny, simple thing, means the world to me. Knowing he thinks of me, and seeing his willingness to always give me both things I want and need. Of course, there are times where what I need, contradicts what I think I want, in the moment, but I trust him to know the difference. When people talk about their significant other, and refer to them as their “soulmate”, I used to find it ridiculous. I understand it now, though. There truly is no way there could be another man on this planet, capable of knowing and understanding me, the way Adam does. I’m never bullshitting, when I try to explain about how every year I have with Adam, I grow more attracted to, more in love with, and absolutely certain about having taken his last name.

God’s given me so much more than I deserve. Sometimes, when life gets tough, it’s the little things that make me realize how blessed I truly am. There are gifts handed to me, everyday. I just have to take the time to open them, and appreciate them.

I’d give all I have honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little

Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother’s favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

Oh, I don’t wanna grow up
Wish I’d never grown up
Could still be little

~Taylor Swift

This evening was my baby’s “Senior night”, at her school. Adam and I escorted her, as she took her last steps on her high school’s football field.

Her color guard performed one last half time. She, and her friends, did a fantastic job.

What a bittersweet night we’ve had. I’m so proud of her! I’m also so sad to realize, this chapter of her life is closing. The pages have been written in. It’s time to write a new one.

My eyes are open wide
By the way
I made it through the day

~Shinedown

I woke up to a cloudy, rainy day. It’s cool, mid 60’s. It’s humid, though, so it feels sticky. I was talking with my dad, yesterday. That conversation made me realize, it’s October. October is, historically, a very tough month, for me. I hadn’t even considered it, until he asked me if I was okay. There’s just something about the change in seasons, as we move from Summer, into Fall. I don’t even dislike Fall, to be honest. I seem to have this leftover ick, from an incredibly difficult time in my past, when it comes back again. The smell of coffee brewing, on a cool morning. The way the days grow shorter. Even the change in the clothes I put on, when the weather’s cooler. These things affect me in ways I don’t rightly understand. They just do. Despite this, I’m okay. I really am. I took some time to myself. I needed it. I’m no good at putting on a “mask”, and pretending. I am who I am. I do try hard not to put my own shit onto other people. This is probably why I sometimes need to take a little time, alone. I don’t think I neglect Adam, or our kids? I simply don’t have the energy to give to people beyond them. It’s as if I’ve only got a little bit of oxygen left, and I must conserve it.

I haven’t pissed Adam off, in a good while, either. Now that I think about it, I can see he’s shown me grace. He understands me. He knows when I just need him to give me space. When I need him to hold me. When I need him to call me on my bullshit. There truly hasn’t been much bullshit, lately. Well, maybe I’ve been keeping it all inside, if there is? Either way, there’s been no trouble. I never intend to make anyone worry! It literally becomes a survival mode, to hide inside myself, every so often. I’m letting me out, again. Slowly. I’m opening up, and sharing again.

I’m making homemade chicken noodle soup, for supper. I didn’t feel that exhausted need for rest, this morning. I dusted, vacuumed, swept, and mopped. I went to a couple stores, with Jackie. Then, we spent time down in my basement, crafting. She’s been painting some real pretty pictures! She gave me one. It has sunflowers on it, and I love it.

It’s been a good day, despite the rain.