Talk You Out of It

~Florida Georgia Line

It’s Friday! I’ve had a busy week. These extra kiddos are a lot of extra time, energy, and work. I love them, but it’s a lot harder to find any time for myself.

This Tuesday was Halloween. Wyatt chose to go to a wrestling practice, rather than trick or treat, this year. Mikayla and Mj dressed up. Mikayla went as Wednesday, and Mj went as Enid.

MiKayla’s boyfriend came over, and they took Mj around the neighborhood trick or treating. Adam and I handed out candy, here at our house. Justin and Jackie came over. We didn’t stay up too late, but it was a fun evening. My kids were out of school, the day after Halloween. They’d scheduled a teacher in-service day. I definitely appreciated that. It’s always so hard, after Halloween. The kids want to trick or treat. They hang out with friends. Then, they have to come home and shower, settle down, and be up early the next morning. This made it much easier on everyone.

On Monday, I had gotten a bill I wasn’t expecting to receive. I wasn’t surprised to see the regular amount, but I was caught very off guard to see there was a late charge attached to it. In September, after MiKayla’s accident, I had messed up on something else. I’d forgotten to schedule the payment on a different bill. Because of that, it was late. I’m usually very good about these things. It was just so chaotic, I completely lost track of time. Adam had sympathy on me. He didn’t get upset, or seriously spank me for it. He was understanding. When this new bill (for something else) arrived, this Monday, I was really confused. I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I’d known about!? It turns out, since I’d scheduled the payment for this bill on a Saturday, it didn’t actually go through until the following Tuesday! Because of this, it was considered late. It was due on the day before it processed, which then made it late. I think that’s bullshit. If I’d have submitted that same payment on Monday, rather than Saturday, it would’ve been on time! Now that I’m aware of this, I will definitely be more careful, but I truly had no idea! So, this Tuesday, Halloween, I explained all of this to Adam. Again, he wasn’t angry with me, but he kept insisting that he was going to spank me for it. Beings it was Halloween, with constant trick or treaters at our door, and Justin and Jackie here, nothing more was mentioned. Until, we got in the shower, later that night. I’m honestly proud of myself, for expressing my feelings without becoming disrespectful or raising my own voice. I was upset. I was upset for a few reasons. Adam hadn’t punished me for the issue in September. Even though, in all fairness, that one was my own fault. Threatening that he was going to, over something that I did not feel entirely responsible for, seemed incredibly unfair. I never lied to him. I wasn’t hiding anything. I had no awareness, whatsoever, there was an issue. Until, that stupid bill arrived, with a “late fee”. I did my very best “lawyering”, and I explained to him, I didn’t feel it was fair to put me “in prison” for “stealing a piece of bubblegum”, after he’d just recently let a “murder” slide. Even though, neither of those things was ever done intentionally, I do accept that it was my responsibility for the one bill being overlooked. However, I did not forget, or overlook, this recent one. I had no knowledge of an issue. Had I known, I’d have done things differently. I absolutely thought I’d done everything right. It just isn’t all on me, that they didn’t process a payment I made for several damn days! Adam did begin to get a little bit frustrated with my arguments, and he raised his voice a little bit to me. I told him “Keep it up, Adam. Raise your voice and get mad, because that’ll make sure you don’t come out of this one on top”. That statement was enough to settle his frustrations. He knew I was right about that part, at the very least. If he lost his cool, he’d no longer maintain his authority. I said what I said, in my best efforts to save him from slipping. It wasn’t about me, in that moment. It was about helping to remind my husband not to step down from his position. I will not, and cannot, accept anything he might say or do, if he isn’t maintaining his own composure. Adam has never put his hands on me in anger. Nor do I believe he ever would. But, anything he might try to say to me, out of anger, will never be heard by me. It only serves as kindling for the fire that’s already begun. Things get heated, and nobody feels good about the results. I also told Adam, I had tried hard to give him my perspective of this situation, in a respectful way. I had not insulted him. I hadn’t raised my voice. I simply stated my opinions. After this, he stepped back, and I could see he was considering all of the things I’d said to him. Finally, he told me, “You’re right.” I smiled. Not out of malice, but because I realized he was understanding where I was coming from, now. He listed out his “rules”. The ones that would, from now forward, always result in a serious spanking. They essentially amounted to disrespect, disobedience, and dishonesty. I’m not going to argue against those things. I agree, I should be accountable for breaking those rules. As I’ve said before, I just get frustrated when he decides he’s going to bust by butt over something “little”, while ignoring another thing that I understood to have been a “big” issue. Obviously, there are going to be considerations. Life isn’t predictable. It’s hard sometimes. Shit happens. I know Adam and I both agree, that intent has a lot to do with what consequences are delivered. An accident, or a mistake, is not the same thing as deliberately breaking a rule. Consistency matters, a lot. Understanding, patience, and trust matter most, though. It isn’t as simple as writing down a list of “do’s and don’t’s”. This stuff requires a deep love and understanding about the people participating. Adam knows me better than anyone. Because of this, I trust him. I trust that he knows me well enough to always do his best at providing whatever it is that I need the most, in any given situation. I believe that he does exactly that, too. We’re both human. We can’t possibly always be right. We learn and grow from mistakes, and then we move forward.

It should be a great weekend. I’m excited to spend it relaxing with my favorite people. ❤️