Better back down, you’re in my domain
Got the whole crowd screaming out our name
It’s a blowout, it’s a hurricane
It’s over before you know it
Why you shaking, we’re a dynasty
In the making, we’re the royalty
Now we’re breaking down the enemy
Move over for the soldiers
Take a swing, I can take a hit
If we die, it’s fine, we live for this
It’s all for this…
We’re gonna stand on top with our hands in the sky
Gonna raise our cup to the stadium lights
For the glory
For the glory
We celebrate with the city tonight
Hear the hometown cheer, it’s the ultimate high
For the glory
We do it for the glory
~All Good Things featuring Hollywood Undead
Hollywood Undead is one of my favorite bands. Especially when I’m needing to really crank up the music and jam out to a song that helps me to express my frustrations. I’m very frustrated, right now. My brother got a phone call days ago. He’s being sent on his eighth deployment. Well, he’s on it now. He left yesterday morning. He wasn’t supposed to deploy again. He’s done so much, seen too much. He’s 38 years old. He’s just a year from being able to retire from his Navy career! But…our country has decided to call on people just like him, once again. I mentioned this, in my last post, but I’m struggling a lot with all of this now that he’s gone. I’m pissed off!
It’s the most bewildering thing, to me, how my brother can be such contrasting and different people, depending on who it is he’s addressing. I can make him cry. I’ve seen him weak. Yet, he is an incredible badass, too. I’m not sure how much I’m truly “supposed” to say, but he’s a Navy freaking SEAL. He’s been deployed as one of the “Frogmen”. He’s been through training I can’t imagine, let alone the places he’s had to actually use that training in real life situations. He’s a human “lie detector”, which terrifies our sister, because she’s afraid he’ll be able to tell she’s full of it when she insists she’s never smoked pot 😆 I am beyond proud of him. I can’t find the words to even express the admiration and appreciation I have for what he’s been through, sacrificed, done, and seen. The thing is, I’ve also seen what that’s done to him. I’ve witnessed the changes in him. He comes home desperately attempting to convince us that he’s fine. Meanwhile, it’s plainly obvious that he’s not. He won’t talk about most of it. I’ve gotten bits and pieces of stories. They’re enough for me to understand it’s more than I can imagine. When he’s deployed, he exists inside a world that looks nothing like the beautiful happy bubble I live inside. Knowing he’s on his way to this foreign destination, one full of danger and death and destruction, it’s a difficult emotion to describe in words. The best I can say is, I’m frustrated and afraid. My brother is an amazing man, but he’s got scars, both visible and invisible, caused because of the things he’s been asked to do for our country. He barely resembles the boy I grew up with. I only get glimpses of that boy, occasionally. Most of the time, he’s hard, guarded, quiet, and cautious as hell. I see the way he seems to always be watching for something bad to happen. He never truly relaxes. I so want him to be back home again. At the same time, he always says to me that he does this because someone has to. He allows himself to be used like a pawn on a chess board, because he knows someone needs to stand in that place.
I’m so glad he got to be here and spend time with us at Christmas time! I miss him. My heart aches knowing there are new scars about to be made on and inside him. I pray for his safe return, knowing full well what that still means. We’re all thrilled to have him back home, but it’s never quite him. He’s always replaced with a version of the man who left us. He resembles my brother, but isn’t quite the same. How many pieces can be torn from who he is, before we no longer recognize him?
Chronicles in Submission 
You are a good sister, a good.Mama,a good wife and a good friend
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Thank you 🥹❤️
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My parents and wife had to go through similar things when I deployed to N. Ireland, Iraq and Afghanistan, but I am also aware that as your brother is a SEAL he will see and witness so much more. For those being left behind you go through emotions and conflicts that are different to those that serve but are just as damaging to your mental health and well-being.
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I know that I could never do the jobs men and women like y’all have done. All I see are the scars leftover from people, places, and things beyond my own comprehension. We don’t have to agree about what our politicians do, but I sure do wish everyone could recognize that the people serving aren’t the ones making these decisions to go into the middle of worldwide conflicts. Serving your country, in the armed forces, is a sacrifice and struggle that goes unrecognized by too many people who don’t understand it.
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My thoughts and prayers go with him and you. Iam a military brat and worked with veterans for many years and most people have no idea the toll their service takes on them and families. They deserve all that we can give.
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❤️
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This is how it is for your brother now. He can’t change back to an earlier version. He has given enormously and so much has been taken. But he will have also gained so much that he never would have got from civilian life. He had gone in the bubble of kinship with other men they only happens in military action. He will know love and bonds that many of us will never know. He will have experienced the exquisite heightened state of aliveness that only happens after encounters with death and near death. Being in service is damaging but also protective. He will need to know where he is going when he leaves. That also is a time of loss and loneliness. Your brother has chosen an uneven path but he is trained for this. These men’s women, the wives, sisters, mothers will always suffer. It has always been this way. And it is the way it will always be as long as we fight each other.
Thinking of you xxx
Annie
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That was such a kind and thoughtful response, Annie! You’re absolutely right, too. ❤️
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I understand very well coming from family of several soldiers and one which was my brother. They know more than they can tell. They go through hell and back when they’re overseas. My brother was barely missd and could have died but thankfully the Lord was watching over him and he was able to come back home to us. We couldn’t just walk up to him and touch him to wake him up or he would knock you clear across the room we had to call out to him to wake him up. They know stuff we will never know about which in a way is a good thing because if we knew everything we would be scared to death. My brother was in the Army for a while then he was in the Air Force until he retired. We only got to see him maybe once a year if that often. I’ve had a uncle and a brother in law that were in the Navy and retired from there. My uncle was some kind of big wig in the Navy he was decorated with many pins and a rope he wore over his shoulder. My other family members were in the Army. I pray for our men and women who serve our country. My prayers go out to you and your family and for your brother that he comes home safely. My brother and my uncles are safe in God’s hands now. I miss them greatly. You’ll always be in my prayers 🙏.
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My brother’s worked so hard to get to where he’s gotten. It makes me sad, he dislikes wearing his dress uniforms. He’s got so many pins, ribbons, medals, and coins, but he rarely talks about them with me. I made him, Justin, and my sister’s husband each a personalized plaque, with places to hang ribbons and medals, and shelves for their coins. Justin was in the Army. My sister’s husband just left active duty, for the Army, and is a reservist now. It seems they’re all hesitant to celebrate, “show off”, or advertise the jobs they’ve done, and do. I can disagree with conflicts our country gets involved in. I can despise the idea of going to war. I can argue all my reasons why I feel the way I do, but that certainly never means that I’m not grateful and proud of the men and women who are sent to fight these battles! The people we see, wearing those uniforms, are not the ones who get to decide whether and where they’re going. They’re thrust into places and circumstances I can’t even begin to imagine. They have more courage than I ever could. And they do it without ever seeking our praise or admiration in any way. They’re so humble. ❤️
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Amen honey 🙏
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