Never Grow Up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother’s favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you
Won’t let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up

~Taylor Swift

My babies are growing up so fast, right now. I suppose they’ve been growing at a steady rate, all along, but suddenly…they seem so grown. Wyatt and Mj have added inches, to their heights, this past year. Wyatt’s bigger and stronger than I am, now. His daddy can still take him, though! I was talking to Wyatt, the other day. I told him, when you’re young, your parents are so “old”. Then, one day, you look at them and you think to yourself, my parents aren’t old! And, that’s when you realize you’re getting older, too. Acknowledging the fact that all our lives will have an end, is a tough thing. I know my brother would tease about how, one day, he would be big and strong, and he would be able to win a “wrestling match” against our dad. When the day does come, that it’s obvious you’d be able to “take” your own father, all you’ll wish is for your daddy to be the strong and capable and heroic man you always knew you could count on, growing up. Sure, you could knock him to the ground, but now you wish that weren’t true. You worry about your parents. You pray they can look, feel, and act as “old” as your memories remember them.

We ordered Mikayla’s cap, grown, and tassel, for her upcoming graduation. She’s going to the University of Tennessee, at Knoxville, this Fall. We’re so proud of her! She’s been offered a full scholarship. That kid is the hardest working teenager I’ve ever met. She’s earned this. I remind myself, this is the goal. As a parent, your purpose is to raise up your children. For them to be capable, ready, and willing to spread their own wings, and fly. My babies will forever be my babies, though. I used to love to dance with them. I spent countless hours, dancing in the kitchen, while I held them. When Mikayla was a baby, I listened to a lot of “Michael Buble”, early “Taylor Swift”, and “Kenny Chesney”. I remember the way she smelled. I can still feel her tiny head resting on my shoulder. I would hold her, and dance, and sing, well past the point my arms were aching from holding this small little baby for so long. I remember my own thoughts, please let this moment last just a little longer. Even then, in the middle of the chaos and haze of having new babies, almost no sleep, and the struggles of becoming an adult myself, I was very aware this day would come. Here it is, just over the horizon now. Before I know it, it’ll be my last baby’s turn to grow up. The time will come for her to spread her wings, and begin her own adventure. I’ve pondered thoughts of “what if”. What if, I could go back in time? Could take my babies back to the moments I cherish in my mind. It occurred to me, I’d miss them. I’d miss the people they are, right now. One of the biggest heartaches, of being a parent, is also one of life’s greatest joys. Watching our children show us who they are. They’re their own people. They have their own thoughts, memories, goals, dreams, fears… I guess I’m just hoping they don’t ever stop sharing themselves with me, at least sometimes. I hope they can remember me, their mama, and their hearts swell with the kind of love that mine does, when I think of them. Worrying and wondering about your kids, never stops. As they’re growing up, the worries evolve. Old fears are replaced by new possibilities. But, I can’t keep them safe in the way I used to. Laying on my shoulder, sleeping peacefully, while we danced in the kitchen.