Second Chance

[…or so]

~Shinedown

This morning, Justin and Jackie came by, and we all made a Costco trip. We just got back home. Jackie went home to take a shower. Then, they’ll be back over here, so we can get ready. Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I are going out tonight! We’re planning to go eat at a local Mexican restaurant. After that, we’ve made no concrete plans yet, but we’re doing something fun.

It’s cold as hell, today. The last week was gorgeous, but our weather has decided to turn cold, just for the weekend.

I suppose I should update here, on what happened after I decided to inform Adam about the possible issue. The night before last, while we were in the shower, I talked to him. I explained everything, and why I had neglected to tell him about this sooner. I reasoned, there’s nothing we can do to change the outcome anyhow, so there was no need in worrying him with this. At first, he was upset. He can’t stand to think I would keep things from him, because I’m “afraid” of him. He asked me, “Have you EVER told me something, and I’ve just turned into the hulk on you?” The answer is no, of course not! Adam had never once lost his temper with me. As I carefully chose my words, I was able to explain that it isn’t that I am afraid he will lash out at me. I just feel bad for him, when there’s already a lot going on. I feel selfish, dumping more onto him. I asked him, “Don’t you have things that worry you? Things that sometimes keep you up at night, but you see me sleeping peacefully. You think to yourself, she’s got enough going on. I’m not about to burden her with this stupid thing that’s bothering me right now.” At first, he insisted that he tells me everything. I argued, though. I know that’s not true. He’s this big and strong and capable man. He has fears and worries. He has struggles. I know damn well, he doesn’t share all of those with me! When I’m afraid, and I confide in him, he is quick to assure me that everything will be okay. However, I guarantee there are times where he’s also thinking, to himself, how the hell am I going to fix this? Every once in awhile, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do, for him. I’m attempting to handle a problem, without asking him to take it on. This conversation immediately softened him. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t upset. He wasn’t even concerned. He said, whatever happens with it, we’ll figure it out just like we always do. He told me he was questioning himself, about what to do with my not sharing this with him. He now understood my intentions clearly, and he was actually touched, knowing I genuinely wanted to help to protect him. However, he was afraid if he let this go, I would take this as permission to continue to leave out information he should know about. I promised him, had this been my mistake, or anything that could be changed or influenced by actions we could’ve taken now, I’d have told him. I hadn’t said or done one darned thing to earn a spanking in nearly half a year. That’s something! In the end, Adam didn’t punish me for this. He did ask me to please not ever feel like I need to keep things from him. He wasn’t angry, though. He knew I truly had the best intentions, and despite this, that I felt guilty about holding onto even the smallest “secret”. I actually debate myself, sometimes. Isn’t it kind of selfish, to have a concern, or a problem, and instantly ask my husband to fix it? Isn’t it selfish, to only share information with him because I don’t want my butt to be sore? I don’t know? There are a lot of questions, like these, that pass through my own thoughts.

When we went to bed, that night, Adam practically ripped off my clothes. He wanted me. I needed him, too. We had the kind of sex that I can still feel in my body the next day. It was amazing.

After all of that, I still managed to find myself in trouble, last night… It was most certainly not intentional, either. I wasn’t attempting to create trouble. It just happened. It wouldn’t be wise to inform Adam of this, but… to be completely honest, the spanking didn’t really hurt. I think he’s been easy on me, because I’ve so obviously been trying hard to avoid trouble. Although I was very nervous, for him to get home from work, after he’d texted me what was coming as a result of my infraction yesterday, it wasn’t nearly as serious as I’d feared. I’d made a mistake. An honest mistake. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was a repeat offense. Something I’ve done many times before. But, this time was different. I hadn’t forgotten, or necessarily even procrastinated on this thing I needed to get done. I simply hadn’t prioritized it. There’s been a whole lot happening, and it was on my list of things to do. Unfortunately, I had no idea it mattered when this got taken care of, until I was notified. So, because of my misunderstanding of the urgency to take care of an issue, there were unforeseen consequences. Both for Adam’s wallet, and my behind. Still, I’m able to sit down perfectly fine today 😉

I’m going to go and do my best to make myself pretty, before we go out tonight. I’ve been so looking forward to a night like this one, with my husband, my best friend, and her man. It’s gonna be a great night. I’m going to make sure of it.