When I pull up in the whip they be sayin’, “God damn”
When I hop out with my shawty they be sayin’, “God damn”
They never show me love now they see I got bands 
Now they’re sayin’, “God damn”

~Justin Champagne

It was so weird, having Mikayla’s biological father here, in our home. He’d come down to Tennessee, with two of his brothers, and one of their wives. I hadn’t seen any of them in years. I never had any issues with his sister in law, or the one other brother of his. It’s only one of them brothers I’m particularly not fond of. They all left town, this morning. They drove over, and said goodbye to Mikayla. I think it was really special, for Mikayla, having everyone together, celebrating her accomplishments. I’m proud we were able to give her that.

Having said that, I have to smile. Her father, and his family, were in awe of our home. I won’t pretend it wasn’t a little fun, showing off the awesome life we’ve built here. Saying something, without having to use words. Telling them, we’re good. You didn’t get to keep me down. All the years they’d spent convincing everyone around them of how miserable life must be for me, after I refused to continue to tolerate anymore abuse, insults, or bullshit from them. It’s been over 10 years now, since I chose to quietly retreat. To no longer acknowledge or respond to any of their phone calls, text messages, emails, or third party messages. The very best “revenge”, is truly a dish served cold. I actually never expected, or desired anything like “revenge”. I truly only aimed for peace. I had no patience for, or care to participate in any of that drama. It’s immature, and it’s a huge waste of precious time. The years have flown by. Now, Mikayla is grown. Well, legally. She’s got plenty more growing to do, yet. Still, they’ve got no sway over me, or my choices. Not that they had much to begin with. Having that realization so obviously beginning to occur to my daughter’s biological father, and his family, was pretty great. The bonus points, were seeing them become completely aware of just how “okay” I’ve become. I’m not simply surviving. I’m thriving. And, so is the little girl they never seemed to figure out how to prioritize over hurting me. How many ways they used that sweet girl as a pawn in some game they didn’t know I had stopped playing. I literally felt these things hit them like an unexpected thunderstorm. I noticed the quiet respect even my husband was receiving, from them. I saw it. I’m always proud as hell, to be Adam’s wife. That was, admittedly satisfying, though. A silent, but immensely powerful moment of expressing so many things I so wished they’d seen, before. Wasting years so busy with the wrong things. While they were doing those things, we were creating this beautiful life, with our family.

I wasn’t able to really take all of those emotions in, until today. Today’s the first “normal” day, in awhile. We were sucked into this crazy whirlwind, full of emotional highs, lows, and everything in between. So, it’s only now that all of these extra things are dawning on me. I’m grateful for the sunny weather we got, for her party, and for our day at Poppy’s. I’m grateful for all of the people who participated in her celebration. Even the ones who aren’t necessarily my personal choices for favored party guests. It meant a whole lot to her. I’m grateful for all the help Justin and Jackie gave us, to make everything so nice and so perfectly amazing.

I’m just sitting here, reflecting on these last several days. We spent so much time planning and preparing, only to have it pass by in the blink of an eye. I’m a little sad for that. I’m so grateful we’ve made it here, though. It’s just sunny Summer days ahead, for the next eight weeks. They’ll be filled with family and fun. I’m ready to get that started, now that we’re finished with such an important beginning to all of our Summer.

Where I grew up, gettin’ dressed up means
Buttoned down shirt and a good pair of jeans
Wasn’t Sunday supper without collard greens
Dad was boss, Christ is king
Friday night was livin’ for them lights to come on
Then I turned to Miller Lites when I turned 21
There’s some things about me that I can’t change
I’ll always be the [woman] that home made

Home made me love a dirt road
Home made me crave some ice cold homemade
Sweet tea only mama knows how to make
Homemade
Home made me love a small town
Home made me wanna settle down in a home made
For the two of us
Everything I love is homemade

~Jake Owen

I spent the last week, plus some extra days, staying busy from morning til night time. This morning, my sister, her husband, and Pj all gave us big hugs, as we told each other, see ya later. No goodbyes. Just see ya later. I stood out on my front porch, clutching my cup of coffee, as I gave them one final wave, and watched them drive away. Adam went to work. Justin went to work. Jackie went home. Mikayla’s not home, today. It’s just Wyatt, Mj, and me now. I came downstairs, intending to clean up. I couldn’t bring myself to push in the tiny chair that Pj had last pulled out. Or to put away the last few toys sat where she’d left them. She grows up so much more, every time I see her! I’m still sad I didn’t get to spend more time with just her and my sister, while they were here. It’s been a very full weekend. We made so many memories, over the course of just a few short days. I spent so many months, weeks, days, and hours planning and preparing for this time that’s come to its end. This chapter is over. We’re moving onto our next one. I’m both relieved, and sad, about it. My most favorite things will always be the homemade kind. The laughs, the tears, the joy, the love made together, with all my people.

~FGL

Oh my gosh, today was so much fun! We haven’t had a day at Poppy’s, just hanging out and having fun, for way too long! I have a house FULL, tonight. We’ve got all my kiddos, plus two extra friends of theirs. We’ve got my sister, her husband, and Pj. Everybody’s getting ready for bed, now. I just took a minute to myself. I made some vanilla cappuccino, and I’m standing in my kitchen. I’m listening to the sounds of giggling and silliness, from my babies, upstairs. Meanwhile, they’re trying to get Pj down for bed, downstairs.

I truly don’t have much to say, right now. I’m pretty darned tired, myself. Besides that, it’s time for bed. My sister and them are leaving very early, tomorrow morning. So, I’m planning to be up by 5:30am, so I can hug and kiss everyone goodbye. This whole long weekend, we’ve been planning and preparing for, has reached its end. That always comes on much too quickly. It’s been a whirlwind. A beautiful, memorable one.

I got a little too far gone
The heart was talking way too loud
I don’t remember what I said
I just remember breaking down

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It’s off my chest, but never off my mind

I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night

~Eli Young Band

The truth is, I did not, actually, get drunk last night. If I had combined too much alcohol, with the overflow of emotions I was experiencing, that would’ve been a gigantic mess! I was responsible. I was a good mama, I think. I held it all inside, to the very best of my ability. Not only was my baby graduating, but we’d invited her biological father, and his family, to her party. There is some bad history there, with one of those particular family members. Mikayla has an uncle who is just a horrible person. He’s one of them Bible thumping, knows better than everyone around him, kind of people. He’s the definition of homophobic. He’s sexist as fuck. I still have a scar on my hand, from when he took his lit cigarette, grabbed my hand, and held that cigarette down on the back of my hand. All because he was pissed and blaming me, for some stupid reason, that his brother was leaving for a military assignment. This was many years ago now. Back when Mikayla was just a baby. He also attempted to coerce Jackie into spending the night with him. Jackie was just a teenager, back then! He was already in his forties! Not to mention, married with children of his own. He got angry, when I defended Jackie, and I told him to back the fuck off. So, he wound up taking both of us to the pool, and held our heads under the water, for long enough to haunt me to this day. This idiot was inside MY home, yesterday. We allowed it, for Mikayla. We chose not to make a scene, for our daughter. It was her day, after all.

Everyone was on their best behavior, and there really were no issues, whatsoever. Still, the tension was clearly felt. On top of everything, my sister and her family were here. I wanted to spend time with her and my baby niece. We had friends who showed up, to Mikayla’s party, with their gaggle of small children. I tended to about a dozen small children’s needs, as I did my best to entertain and occupy everyone else who was here. One of the parents did imbibe in a bit too many beers. They had SIX little kids here, and I felt responsible for looking out for them. Throughout all of this, Adam was such an amazing and supportive husband and daddy. He was so patient, with me. He recognized my anxieties. He tolerated my short bursts of attitude, directed at him. He knew I was reaching my own limits, so he did everything possible to take care of everything he could, to help me. Even so, I did wind up at a point where my own ability to contain the suppressed feelings I’d done my best to keep hidden all day, spilled over. I just couldn’t “people” anymore. The party was winding down, and I was beyond ready for it to be over. I got a little “short” with Adam, in our kitchen. I don’t exactly remember what I said? I just know he stood in front of me, like the rock he is, and assured me he would take care of all the things I was insisting needed done. I worried about all the dirty dishes, and cleaning up. He promised to handle it. I’d even rolled my eyes, at him, at one point. All he told me was, “Okay, you don’t need to roll your eyes to me. It’s alright. I’ve got it covered.”

As my sister was leaving, with Pj, I began to cry. I felt so guilty, because I hadn’t spent nearly as much time with her as I’d hoped to!

In today’s morning light, I realized some things. I explained to my husband, sister, and best friend, it wasn’t one or two things. I wasn’t angry, or upset. I wasn’t even just sad. I was full with all the emotions, pouring into a “cup”. My “cup” was overflowing. Someone could’ve told a funny joke, and I’d have bawled. I’d held onto so many strong, and conflicting emotions. I simply had no more room inside myself, for even one more drop of happy, sad, mad, or afraid to go. Thankfully, Mikayla was blissfully unaware of this little breakdown I’d had. She had been hanging out in the pool, with friends. Her best friends had come to her party. All the kids got into the pool, and played volleyball.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Everything went perfectly. I suppose I seem like a great big baby, describing my outburst, at the end of it. I certainly don’t ever mean to sound as if I take any of it for granted. I celebrate and appreciate all of these incredible milestones. I was just so tired. My body and mind couldn’t possibly take on even one more task. I needed to rest.

I woke up, this morning, feeling much better! I’d just poured myself a cup of coffee, and gone downstairs to sit and enjoy a moment to myself, when my phone alerted us about a tornado warning we were in. We had some scary minutes! The wind was whipping past us, as trees blew nearly completely sideways. Our doors were suctioning way in. We took cover, downstairs. This tornado went just past us, and left us mostly unscathed. We only lost some pool things that had been left inside it, and had our yard full of scattered tree limbs and miscellaneous toys. We never even lost power! Our lights flickered, during the worst of it, but that was it. We got lucky, once again. I don’t believe there was anyone seriously injured or killed. It was pretty scary, though!

Tomorrow, we’re all going over to Poppy’s house. We’re going to swim and play there, on Memorial Day. The boys are grilling and smoking some food, for everyone. It should be a relaxing and quiet afternoon. Exactly what I need, right now.

I need to go get Adam, and get him naked in our shower, with me. I can think of a few ways to de-stress, with my husband. They pretty much all involve removing our clothes…

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance… I hope you dance…

~LeeAnn Womack

What a day it has been! My mind, body, and soul are all exhausted! I seriously don’t think I can even write much, tonight. It’s been a beautifully, wonderfully, amazing, incredible day. But, I’m tired.

A cold beer’s got twelve ounces
A good truck’s got maybe three hundred thousand
You only get so much until it’s gone
Duracells in a Maglite
A needle drop on a forty-five
Are the kinda things that only last so long
When the new wears off and they get to getting old
Sooner or later, time’s gonna take its toll

They say nothing lasts forever
But they ain’t seen us together
Or the way the moonlight dances in your eyes
Just a t-shirt in the kitchen
With no make-up and a million
Other things that I could look at my whole life…

Maybe some things last forever after all

~Luke Combs

The whirlwind weekend has begun! We’ve got a whole lot of company here, and a whole lot to do. It’s amazing, though. I love it. My Mikayla is graduating, tomorrow. After, we’ll have her party here, at our house. My sister, her husband, and my niece Pj are all here. It was so much fun, spending time with them, today.

Adam and Wyatt are outside, cutting the grass, now. We’re attempting to finish up all the last minute things we wanted done, before tomorrow arrives.

My sister, Jackie (and their boos) are all over at Poppy’s. They’re hanging out there, having fun, this evening. I told them, we just cannot possibly make it there, tonight. There’s still so much to do. Besides that, I really just want to hang out with my kids. We have to be up early, in the morning, to get ready for graduation. I’ve been sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing, cleaning, and doing everything I can to have our house as presentable as possible, for Mikayla’s party tomorrow. I got the ice cream cakes made, this afternoon. I feel like no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I do, we’re going to miss something. I’ll forget to do something. I just so want everything to be beautiful and perfect for her. There are no “do overs”, for moments like these. This is it. It will be a day that will never again be repeated. I know Adam is feeling the same pressure as I am, to make everything wonderful. He’s been working so hard. Tomorrow is almost here. This day we’ve planned and prepared for. Our little girl is about to begin her “adult” life. Our lives are all going to change, in great big ways. It’s not necessarily bad. In fact, it’s everything we’ve hoped for. I suppose the time has crept up on us faster than we’d anticipated, is all. It’s here, though. So, here we are.

I’m a little bit redneck, mother
Little bit six-piece swimming in hot sauce
Little bit, “Y’all”, little bit, “Brother”…

A little Tennessee with some Hennessy, call me
[Ms.] Misunderstood
With a toolbox shotgun and a chrome piece
Underneath the truck seat
Little bit country, little bit hood

~Colt Ford

Jackie came over, this morning, and she’s been working her tail off. She’s helped me get the house looking great! We went through all our craft stuff, downstairs, and organized everything. It looks so good, now! Our garage fridge decided to die on us, a couple days ago. We just found a new one, to replace it. Jackie searched the Facebook marketplace, and found us a good ol’ used garage fridge. The boys went, and picked that up. We’ve got someone coming by here, tomorrow, to pick up our old one. Jackie helped to organize and arrange all of that! Adam pressure washed the whole driveway, and patio, out back. We also got the outdoor rug looking brand new, again. We’ve got some family heading here, in the morning. It’s fixing to be a busy weekend! It’ll be lots of fun, though. I can’t wait!

Mikayla’s graduation ceremony will be Saturday morning. Following that, we’re having her party here, at our house. I’ve got lots of decorations to set up. I’m also making TWO ice cream cakes. I’ve got really cute cake topper stuff, to add on the top of them. I picked up some chips and salsa, and queso dip. We’ve got everything ready…I think!

This morning was so amazing. I felt Adam kiss me, before he left for work. Next thing I knew, it was 9:00 AM!!! I didn’t even realize I could sleep that long?! Adam and I went to bed around 11:00pm, last night. Which wasn’t even my choice. He was watching this new TV show him and the kids are into now. He fell asleep almost immediately. Then, sometime during the night, I was awoken. He was running his hands over my body. The next thing I knew, we were both naked. He slid over, behind me, and entered me from behind. I just finished my period a couple days earlier. So, I was definitely horny. When we were finished, we both fell back to sleep. He still had his naked body pressed up against mine. I’m never upset about being woken up, during the night, for some midnight sex.

I just cooked a couple of frozen pizzas, for our supper, because everybody’s still out here working. It’s a busy day, as I fully anticipated. It’s a great day, though. As I also predicted. ❤️

I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me…

I set fire to the rain

Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name
Your name

~Adele

In many ways, Adam is the rain to my fire. I would venture to say, in our relationship, I’m most definitely the more unpredictable one. I’m nearly always keen to find new and exciting adventures. I can be surprisingly brave, in the face of challenges. At least, I’m fairly good at putting on a brave face, anyhow. I’m able to project confidence, even when I might not truly be as sure of myself as I appear to be. I’m a damn good “lawyer”, when it comes to arguing my case. There are also so many areas of our life, where Adam’s strengths shine. Despite my love of exploring new ideas, I’m not so much a fan of any real change. I tend to keep most of my fears to myself. Of all people, Adam knows when I’m hiding something, though. Jackie is always here for me, if I expose my troubles, but Adam just knows. I don’t have to keep my inner demons secret from him, because he sees them anyway. Sometimes, even before I do. Adam is the predictable one, between us. I need that. Adam is able to assure me that everything will be alright, when big changes are inevitable. I believe him, when he tells me I’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. They’ll be okay. Or, we’ll be okay. I completely trust him to make sure of it.

Adam is able to listen to my needs, even unspoken ones. He reads my body language, my tone of voice, and hears my words. Sometimes, it’s my lack of words that trigger his senses. He does seem to always recognize when anything is bothering me, though. He doesn’t let me hide from him. Not for long. If I tell him, I’m not ready to talk about it, he respects that. Eventually, though, he’s going to remind me that he’s waiting for an explanation. He’s good at pulling the truth from me. He manages to do it in ways that don’t feel like he’s pressuring me, or judging me. Even if I have to tell him about something that makes him upset with me. Even then, he never raises his voice to me. He doesn’t immediately get angry. He and I figure out the source of this problem, and how we can remedy it. And then, how we’re going to prevent it from happening again.

Adam knows my favorite foods. My favorite flowers. My favorite colors. He does his best to avoid my getting carsick, when I’m in the passenger seat. He knows that weaving in and out of traffic, and too closely to other vehicles, is one of the things that aggravates my carsickness. So, he tries not to do that. He knows what I like, in bed. He knows how to hug me, kiss me, and when I need him to let go for a moment. He knows when I’m lying, and when I’m telling the truth. He sees me, when I’m overwhelmed, afraid, or sad. He does his best to make me happy, and is very good at it. He knows when to hold me, when to lecture me, when to spank me, and when to give me grace.

All of these things, that work so wonderfully for me and in my marriage, I’d never suggest to be some magic cure for everyone else. I’m a unique and complicated individual. I never meant for my blog to seem like the prescription for everyone’s happiness. Adam and I have spent years figuring out one another. We’re still learning! Adam takes such good care of me. I like to think I return the favor, for him. I know I do try hard, and that he’s a pretty happy husband. I must do a fairly good job? That’s what he tells me, anyway.

Our problem solving skills are ours. That’s the point. Others are welcome to their opinions. I share intimate details of my life, here, so it’s understandable there would be people who have questions and disagreements. I’m mostly unbothered by indirect, or even blatant insults. Unless, they’re meant for my husband, or any of my family really. I never intend to speak negatively about the people I love. I’ll write about allll of my own shit, but I care deeply for my people. I also have enough respect, for myself, not to tolerate cruelty and abuse. Adam is so far from “abusive”! Just putting him and the word “abusive”, within the same sentence, feels wrong. I have written extensively, about my love and adoration, for my husband and family. I suppose I felt the desire to write some more about the ways my husband loves, cherishes, protects, and provides for me. I swear, God designed us for one another! I didn’t know this kind of love existed, before Adam. I couldn’t have trusted in anyone else’s faithful loyalty, before Adam. I can’t even imagine where and who I’d be, without Adam. He makes me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Not because he forces me to be! Because he is such a great example of a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. The trust he has, in me, gives me a burning desire to live up to his expectations. He expects from himself all of the things he does from me. In fact, he demands so much more of himself, than he ever has of me. He’s never harsh with me, when I fall short. He does too, occasionally! I’m simply a much better human, with and because of him. Adam’s the love of my life.

I just needed to say that, in case I haven’t said it enough. ❤️

Roughnecks don’t fall in love, but that pretty face got my heart messed up…

Don’t know where we’re goin’, but girl I’m all in

Looks like roughnecks they fall in love

~Seth Anthony

Adam and I had yet another conversation, about getting him a new truck, before I get my new car. He was trying to talk himself into waiting another year or so, but I have plenty of reasons to argue why that’s not the best choice. For one, I will need a new car, within the next year or two. So, would he rather buy his truck now, and mine then, or have to buy TWO new vehicles at the same time? Secondly, we’re dumping a shitload of money into this truck of his, as it is. If I wanted to be selfish, I’d tell him to keep his truck, so I could go get my new Lexus now! Shoot, I was already gonna be getting my new SUV, in the next few months! I’m the one insisting I’d rather wait, and go find him something new! I did a great job, not raising my voice, or getting too sassy, as I argued these points to Adam. He relented. He looked at me and said, “you’re right.” I believe he may finally be talked into going shopping for a new pickup truck, for himself! For anyone who’s ever known my husband, this man is not one to be told what to do. I’ve learned to persuade him, using skills I’ve picked up over these years I’ve been with him. Despite that, there’s never any guarantee that even my best strategic moves will actually sway him. This one has been a challenge, for sure. At the very least, I’m confident he sees my side of this, and I think he might even agree with me now.

Yesterday was busy as heck. Jackie came over, and helped me shampoo my carpets. We cleaned up the basement, and worked on a craft project for Mikayla’s graduation party, too. I also had a weird reaction, to a few mosquito bites I’d gotten, on my ankle. It swelled up all down my leg and into my foot. It was bright red, and very hot to the touch. Similar to having a bad infection would’ve looked and felt. I also was queasy, and just “off”, all day long. I limped, every step I took, because it hurt like crazy. It was all because of some rare condition called “skeeter syndrome”?! My body’s immune system overreacted, to the bites, and caused all this trouble for me. Because I do have an autoimmune disease, I’m aware my own immune system is pretty much in hyper drive, at all times. I imagine that played a part in this reaction. Our pest company came by here, yesterday afternoon. They sprayed down our yard real good, and put out a couple of “mosquito traps” on each end of our backyard. It did seem to make a difference, already. Today, my ankle is both looking and feeling much better. At some point, during the night, Adam had moved around in bed, and his leg brushed up against mine. It woke me straight up out of a dead sleep! So, I’m pleasantly surprised to be feeling this much better, now.

We’re in a severe thunderstorm warning, right now. I’m hoping this passes by, quickly. I’m definitely not in the mood for scary weather.

Mj had her school award ceremony, yesterday evening. She won an award for being on the honor roll, all year long. She also won an award for her excellence in choir. ❤️

Jackie, Wyatt, and I swam in the pool, for awhile. She took a couple of silly pictures, of me and Wyatt.

I’m working on some laundry, and plan to get some deep cleaning work done. I’ve got baseboards, walls, and outdoor furniture to scrub. The kids had just a half day of school, so we’re planning to do our annual water balloon fight, weather permitting. I’ve got the balloons all ready to go, for later this afternoon. It’s thundering, and awful dark out. We’ve never had bad weather, on their last day of school before! I just realized that. We’ve never missed our water balloon fight. I sure hope we can still do it.