Gotta hold on easy as I let you go
Gonna tell you how much I love you
Though you think you already know
I remember I thought you looked like an angel
Wrapped in pink, so soft and warm
You’ve had me wrapped around your finger
Since the day you were born
You beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams, but always know the road
That’ll lead you home again
~Tim McGraw
My beautiful girl is about to be in college! Our tour was so good for both of us. She is feeling much more confident, and excited. I’m feeling more assured, that she’ll be okay. As much as any mama could be certain of that, anyhow. They do have fantastic safety and security measures. Looking at the dorms, the cafeterias, the classrooms…that’s going to be her home. I won’t be there. It’s just up to her, soon. As proud as I am, to know she is taking these next steps, ones we planned and did our best to prepare her for, I just cannot stop the pain that comes with being a mama, as I encourage and support my baby to “leave our nest”. She’s “flying” out, on her own. She’s got great big, powerful wings. That kid is so much more amazing than I ever was. I can’t help but be incredibly proud of that. I know her accomplishments are hers, but damn it’s amazing to look at the things she’s doing and be able to say, “She’s mine. I made her. I’m her mama.”
I’m so grateful, Jackie came along with us, yesterday! My emotions were all over the place. I did my very best to remain positive and upbeat. I can’t even describe, in words, how I was feeling. It’s a jumbled mess of emotions, both good and not so good. They all bombard me at once. I’m confident this will grow more tolerable, and acceptable. It’s not as if I wasn’t aware of these coming changes! Still, it all seems sooo sudden. Part of me is screaming I’m not ready! It’s not about me, though. This is one of those times that I, as a mama, have to be brave, strong, and assuring. Because, she’s afraid, too. My feelings are absolutely not her burden to carry!!! In many ways, Mikayla is so much more mature than I was, at her age. She calls me her “best friend”. I don’t think I could call her the same, for me. She’s so much more than that. She’s my daughter. She’s my girl. She’s my pride and joy in life. I’m so proud to be her friend, though. It makes my heart happy, that she wants and needs me to be a part of her happiness, her sorrows, her successes, her fears…all of it.
All in all, Adam and I’ve done a pretty fuckin’ fantastic job. Just look at her…
Chronicles in Submission 