When I Pull Up

When I pull up in the whip they be sayin’, “God damn”
When I hop out with my shawty they be sayin’, “God damn”
They never show me love now they see I got bands 
Now they’re sayin’, “God damn”

~Justin Champagne

It was so weird, having Mikayla’s biological father here, in our home. He’d come down to Tennessee, with two of his brothers, and one of their wives. I hadn’t seen any of them in years. I never had any issues with his sister in law, or the one other brother of his. It’s only one of them brothers I’m particularly not fond of. They all left town, this morning. They drove over, and said goodbye to Mikayla. I think it was really special, for Mikayla, having everyone together, celebrating her accomplishments. I’m proud we were able to give her that.

Having said that, I have to smile. Her father, and his family, were in awe of our home. I won’t pretend it wasn’t a little fun, showing off the awesome life we’ve built here. Saying something, without having to use words. Telling them, we’re good. You didn’t get to keep me down. All the years they’d spent convincing everyone around them of how miserable life must be for me, after I refused to continue to tolerate anymore abuse, insults, or bullshit from them. It’s been over 10 years now, since I chose to quietly retreat. To no longer acknowledge or respond to any of their phone calls, text messages, emails, or third party messages. The very best “revenge”, is truly a dish served cold. I actually never expected, or desired anything like “revenge”. I truly only aimed for peace. I had no patience for, or care to participate in any of that drama. It’s immature, and it’s a huge waste of precious time. The years have flown by. Now, Mikayla is grown. Well, legally. She’s got plenty more growing to do, yet. Still, they’ve got no sway over me, or my choices. Not that they had much to begin with. Having that realization so obviously beginning to occur to my daughter’s biological father, and his family, was pretty great. The bonus points, were seeing them become completely aware of just how “okay” I’ve become. I’m not simply surviving. I’m thriving. And, so is the little girl they never seemed to figure out how to prioritize over hurting me. How many ways they used that sweet girl as a pawn in some game they didn’t know I had stopped playing. I literally felt these things hit them like an unexpected thunderstorm. I noticed the quiet respect even my husband was receiving, from them. I saw it. I’m always proud as hell, to be Adam’s wife. That was, admittedly satisfying, though. A silent, but immensely powerful moment of expressing so many things I so wished they’d seen, before. Wasting years so busy with the wrong things. While they were doing those things, we were creating this beautiful life, with our family.

I wasn’t able to really take all of those emotions in, until today. Today’s the first “normal” day, in awhile. We were sucked into this crazy whirlwind, full of emotional highs, lows, and everything in between. So, it’s only now that all of these extra things are dawning on me. I’m grateful for the sunny weather we got, for her party, and for our day at Poppy’s. I’m grateful for all of the people who participated in her celebration. Even the ones who aren’t necessarily my personal choices for favored party guests. It meant a whole lot to her. I’m grateful for all the help Justin and Jackie gave us, to make everything so nice and so perfectly amazing.

I’m just sitting here, reflecting on these last several days. We spent so much time planning and preparing, only to have it pass by in the blink of an eye. I’m a little sad for that. I’m so grateful we’ve made it here, though. It’s just sunny Summer days ahead, for the next eight weeks. They’ll be filled with family and fun. I’m ready to get that started, now that we’re finished with such an important beginning to all of our Summer.