We’ll fucking run it off the rails

~Brantley Gilbert

I didn’t mention it, earlier. I wasn’t sure if I should even write about this, because I can’t stand for anyone to ever read my writing and believe my husband is some kind of bully. The other night, after we got out of our shower, I had sort of flipped off Adam. It wasn’t that serious, and he wasn’t even upset. We were mostly just playing around. He sat on the edge of our bathtub, and pulled me over his lap. As he did that, I swung my head up. My head hit the corner of the little half wall that sticks out from beside our bathtub. I hit it hard. Adam pulled me up, into his arms, and kissed the top of my head. Neither of us realized just how much damage I’d just done to myself. I got ready for bed, and felt sooo sleepy. When we laid in bed, I didn’t mean for it to happen at all, but tears just started quietly flowing from my eyes. As they landed on Adam’s chest, he quickly realized I was crying. My head just kept hurting worse and worse, as I laid there. He went and got me an ice pack, and held it in place for me, until I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later, and my head felt like it could explode. Such a feeling of pressure and pain! In the morning, I talked to Adam’s mom. She’s a nurse, so I asked her if I should be worried. She asked me lots of questions. I wouldn’t call it “dizzy”, but it sort of felt like my body was swaying as I stood. I was nauseas, and the right side of my face, around my eye, felt numb. I couldn’t feel myself move my eyebrow up and down, on my right side. Then, my right eye kept twitching uncontrollably. I’ve never experienced anything like that! It turns out, I have a concussion. Instead of my head bruising and swelling outward, it’s gone inward. The swelling is pressing up against a nerve somewhere inside my head, which caused all the symptoms I was having. Unfortunately, there isn’t much that can be done, except for ice, Tylenol, and rest. Rest isn’t exactly easy to come by, with little ones under foot. Yesterday was rough, but today’s been much better! I only have sort of a dull headache in just the front right side of my head now.

Adam has been very grumpy, with himself. He’s been super sweet to me, but he’s a grouch at work. I know this, because I was on the phone with him, yesterday, and he yelled to someone “they can wait two fuckin’ minutes! I’m busy!” Then he starts talking to me and says, “I’m sorry, baby.” So, it sounds like all the guys who had to report to him yesterday, got a very “prickly” Adam. He’s never once talked to me or our kids like that, but I have occasionally observed the way he’s spoken to people at work, when they piss him off. It’s one of the many reasons I’m keenly aware of just how gentle and patient he actually is, with his family.

Anyhow, it was a complete accident. He never in a million years would hurt me. I am not even a tiny bit afraid of my husband. I just decided to go ahead and mention this, here, because I like to be honest about my life. Even the crap. So, here y’all go.

We were here blowin’ out birthday cakes
Ridin’ our bikes, jumpin’ in lakes
Feelin’ butterflies on our first dates
And stealin’ our old man’s beer
We were here back home in the home of the brave
But the brave ain’t home, they’re an ocean away
Doin’ their job and keepin’ us safe
While we were here

We were here sayin’ the Pledge of Allegiance
Repeatin’ those words, not knowin’ their meanin’
Takin’ for granted all our freedoms
In the land of the free
We were here bitchin’ bout minimum wage
Splittin’ ourselves into red and blue states
And still sat down, hot food on the plate
Yeah, while we were here

They were there
Givin’ everything they got
They were there
Some came home in a pinewood box
With those stars and stripes on top

They were there, fightin’ back on the front lines
Strappin’ up their boots before the sunrise
Keepin’ their mamas up all night in fear
They were there in the name of a hometown
Of a last name that was passed down
Every day, every night, every moment we were here
They were there
They were there…

~Granger Smith

I really need to update on my brother, here. He was told he would be deploying, and given just a couple days notice. He was sent to Virginia, for the typical pre deployment training and requirements. At the very last hour, he was spared. For whatever reason, they wound up finding enough National Guard members to deploy, instead. Someone took his place. So, somewhere in the world, there’s a young man in the very spot intended for my brother. I pray for them. As of right now, my brother is back at his base, in Coronado California, resuming his teaching job. I’m so grateful, but also my heart does ache for the family of whoever it was that took his place, instead of him. I can’t say enough how much I wish I could share just how much my brother has done for our country. I wouldn’t dare jeopardize his military career, by doing that, though. Despite his own reservations, about being sent out again, even he carries guilt for whomever it is that took his spot. I have so much admiration and pride, for my brother. He’s an incredibly good man. As much as I insist to him, he’s made more than enough sacrifices, he’s never satisfied that he’s done as much as he could. He hates to see another young person have to go out and do the things he has been asked to do.

As far as my average, ordinary world, it’s a typical Friday. The littles were pretty cute, today. I sent my sister several texts, this morning.

I’ve got the littles napping, now.

Jackie is coming over, in awhile. She’s going to help me finish the graduation invites, for Mikayla. Beyond that, I have no clue what we’ll be up to later. I guess it’s just a mystery. We’ll see?

When I get rich, I’ma still act broke

~Jelly Roll

Today is May first. It’s MAY! The weather is appropriately hot and humid. I made up a whole bunch of May baskets, last night, for the littles to fill up today.

This morning, we went outside to pick some “flowers”. They found dandions and various pretty weeds and wildflowers, to add to our May baskets. We sorted candies into each of the baskets, and loaded them into the wagon. We walked around our neighborhood, and left one on our neighbor’s doorsteps. They littles loved it.

I always did this with my babies, when they were little. I hadn’t done it, for a few years now. It’s funny though, because all the same things I loved to do before, I continue to enjoy. Regardless of our bank account balance, credit scores, or the clothes we wear while we’re making memories, it’s always about the experiences. Some of my favorite memories are from a time when we lived in a house that was too small, with a bank balance that was too low. That isn’t at all what I remember, when I think back, though. It’s the smiles on sweet babies faces, while we’re busy making these memories, that are so precious to me. Youth cannot be bought. I can’t redo my own children’s childhoods. I can’t magically look like I did when I was 22 years old. As I was living those days, my mind was too consumed with worries about the future. What I should’ve spent more time enjoying, are the things I’ll never get back. My own babies aren’t babies, anymore. “Rich” isn’t about money at all. Rich is looking and feeling your best, while you’re giving your beautiful children what seems like such a small and simple thing, like making May baskets. Because, one day, so much faster than you realize, those days are just memories that only live on in your mind.

I do this all the time, where I look at my own babies, and think they’re so grown now! A year or two goes by, and an old picture pops up. I look at it and recognize just how young they really were still. I aim to soak all of it in. I desperately want to make as much as I can of every moment I get to spend with them.

Yesterday, Jackie came by. Her, Mj, and I went to do a little shopping. It was a lot of fun!

Yesterday evening, we all sat out on our deck. Adam, Justin, Jackie, and I. We just talked and laughed and told stories, for awhile. It was a lot of fun, too.

I’m fixing to go hang out with my babies, for awhile, before I need to start supper. My house is clean. The sun is shining. Everybody’s healthy. This is exactly what rich is.

I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m taking this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today

~Taylor Swift

I woke up full of energy, today! After Adam left for work, and I got my kiddos off to school, I got a lot done. I put on a cute summer dress, and took the time to make myself look and feel nice. I got the house all clean, before the littles arrived. I’ve had music playing, while I’ve played with the littles. Everyone’s in a great mood.

It’s been back and forth, between clouds and sun, the last couple days. We got some rain, last night, but it’s very warm and humid. I don’t mind, though. I’m so excited for Summer to get here! Tomorrow is May first. I’ve got things to make some May baskets, with the littles, tomorrow. We’ll add some treats and whatever flowers they find to pick from outside, and hand them out to neighbors. I don’t know if people do that much, these days? I always did it with my babies, when they were little, though.

I’ve gotten most of the things we’ll need, for Mikayla’s graduation party, at the end of May. It’s also just over a month now, until our “girls trip”. Jackie, Mikayla, and I get to spend 4 days lounging on the beach, in Alabama. Adam and Justin have already discussed plans for a trip they want to take with Wyatt, when it’s his turn to graduate high school. They’ll get to go on a “guys trip”, then.

I really have nothing to complain about. No heavy worries, weighing me down. I haven’t caused too much trouble, yet (haha)! It’s just another ordinary day, here. I love it.

You’re beautiful, good Lord you’re fucking beautiful…

~Mariah Carey

Yesterday was Mikayla’s senior prom. She looked so beautiful! Their theme was “Gatsby”. She did a great job.

Last night, Jackie had a “sleepover” here. We played cornhole out back, and then her and Mj slept in the basement guest bed.

We’ve had a mostly lazy Sunday, today. Adam’s fixing to grill us some chicken and steaks, for supper. It’s been a wonderfully perfect weekend.

-Oh, I’m newly calibrated
-Oh, shiny and clean
-I’m your recent adaptation
-Time to redifine me

Let the word out – I’ve got to get out
Whoa, I’m feeling better now
Break the news out – I’ve got to get out
Whoa, I’m feeling better now

~Collective Soul

Y’all….I never felt as miserable as I did all week, any of the times I’ve had Covid. I tested negative for Covid, but positive for Influenza A. I haven’t been that sick, since early 2010, when I had H1N1 flu. Even today, I’m not back up to 100%, but I’m so much better, I’m celebrating! I left my house, for the first time in over a week. I ran a few errands, and it felt great just being able to get out. This afternoon, I put music on, and worked on cleaning my house up. I scrubbed all the appliances, the counter tops, and the sink. I cleaned all the floors, the bathrooms, and put away and organized all the things that had been left laying out all week.

My sister sent me a scary message, awhile ago. Her husband, her, and Pj were driving on the interstate, in the Midwest, and a tornado popped up right in front of them.

They had to drive through the grass median, and hurry the opposite direction. They made it to somewhere safe, thank God. They were on their way to where our mother lives. I began to allow myself to ponder whether my mother was alright, then. As fast as these thoughts entered my mind, I had to “change the channel inside my head”, because I’m just not going to let myself go to a place inside my mind that provides the possibility for anymore hurt or sadness to creep into my beautiful life.

It’s just so weird how suddenly, and unexpectedly, these thoughts form. I simply refuse to allow any sad or hurtful thoughts to damage the first great day I’ve had in a good while, though.

Adam should be getting off work here soon. I absolutely insist we have a fun evening. I’ve missed everyone. I’ve missed being able to get shit done. Hell, I’ve missed having the ability to SLEEP well! So, it’s gonna be a good night, because I said so.

~Freak on a Leash

I haven’t done a damn thing, today. I woke up, around 3:00am. My throat hurt in a way I’ve never experienced, before. It felt as if someone had taken a hot knife, and slit my throat. The burning and pain was absolutely miserable. I got up, took some Tylenol, used a throat spray, and drank a glass of very cold water. The combination allowed me to go back to sleep, for awhile. I slept very fitfully, until I finally just got out of bed, this morning. I’ve gone back and forth between feeling freezing cold, and then suddenly finding myself so hot, my shirt becomes drenched in my sweat. This is awful.

I’ve been laying around, in the basement. Both of the dogs insist on staying right by me. I’m sure they’re aware I don’t feel well.

Adam’s also taking good care of me, today. He’s made sure everybody got something to eat, did a load of laundry, and he and the kids pitched in to make sure the house was all cleaned up. This is definitely not how I intended to spend this Sunday. I so hope that tomorrow is better. I can’t take another “sick day”, tomorrow. I have to get my kids up and off to school, and I’ll have the littles. I just have to feel better.

I’m going to get to bed early, tonight. My body always requires rest, when I’m sick. If I don’t allow myself to lay around, and sleep when I need to, it takes so much longer before I finally feel better. This is no fun, at all. ☹️

~Cody Johnson

I suppose I should begin by saying, I’m fine. Everybody’s good. Having said that, we did not make it to Knoxville, on Wednesday. Mikayla had driven over to her high school, “real quick”, Wednesday morning. As I was making my breakfast shake, I got a phone call. It was Mikayla , informing me her car had just died, right at a very popular stoplight. First, I called Adam, and informed him of our situation. Then, I decided to drive over, and see what I could do to help. On my way to where she was, I could see her stranded car…and then, bam, I got into a minor accident. I have never, in my whole life, been in any kind of accident. Until, then. And, it was all my own fault. I was distracted, searching for my stranded daughter, and I didn’t even see it coming. I was able to tell Mikayla what happened, and make my way back home. Then, I had to make a second phone call, to Adam. I never thought he’d be mad at me, but I was expecting some frustration. Surprisingly, he was nothing but understanding and kind. There wasn’t one ounce of upset radiating out of his responses. Justin and Jackie met Mikayla, just as Adam was able to get there. They determined the issue was a very minor one, and fixed it within minutes. After that, everyone made their way back to our house, to examine the damage to my car. Fortunately, it too was very minor. Unfortunately, it was too late to make it to our appointment in Knoxville, to tour the college campus. That had to be cancelled, and rescheduled.

After Adam and Justin left, to get back to work, Jackie and I made mimosas. We still had champagne and orange juice leftover from Easter, and the circumstance just seemed appropriate. As we talked, in my kitchen, Jackie told me that Adam had mentioned he’d had a real bad feeling about our trip. He wasn’t upset at all, that it hadn’t worked out. For whatever reason, he’d been uneasy, so our misfortune didn’t bother him so much. That made me reconsider our morning. Maybe, just maybe, there really was a reason for all of our inconvenience. It could’ve been a blessing in disguise.

Later, that evening, the littles were dropped off. Well, 2 of them. The baby, Emma, was having surgery. She had her trachea removed, on Thursday! I kept the other 2 littles, while she was in the hospital.

We had a water balloon fight, and played outside. Everyone had a great time. And then…we had yet another accident. As I was picking up the baby chair, the tray slid out of position, and the chair fell onto Caroline. It hit her right beside her eye. I felt so incredibly awful. I was struggling not to cry, myself.

I got her an ice pack, gave her some Motrin, and snuggled her. After about an hour, she was back to playing. Kids are just so resilient and tough!

This morning, the littles watched TV with Adam. The baby was discharged from the hospital, and the littles got picked up. I had this afternoon to myself, and it was wonderful!

This evening, Adam grilled pork chops for us. We all sat around the table and teased and laughed about funny family stories. It was great. Now, I’m downstairs watching a movie with my dogs. Adam’s upstairs, watching the kids play on the Nintendo switch. I’m already just about ready for bed. It’s been a very loooong week.

Baby, I love doin’ life with you
You’re everything I wanna wake up to
Give you all of my heart, the moon, and the stars
‘Til my time here on Earth is through
‘Cause I just love, baby, I love doin’ life with you

~Kelsey Hart

It looked awful stormy out, this morning, but it never rained. The clouds passed by us, and the sunshine came out. It’s been hot today!

After the littles left, I ran over to the Publix grocery store, near us. Wyatt was home sick to his stomach, so I picked up some Gatorade and Sprite, for him.

Tomorrow, Jackie and I are taking Mikayla to Knoxville, to tour the college she’ll be attending, this Fall. I won’t have the littles. We’re planning to leave out by 8:00am, so that we have plenty of time to get there, get some lunch somewhere, and find parking. I have a nervous/excited feeling, around this trip. I’m so proud of Mikayla. I’m elated, for her. I’m also, selfishly, a little sad. I’m going to miss the hell out of her. The other day, she called ME her best friend. That made my day! ❤️

Our neighbors just had a new baby boy, yesterday. Tonight, I’m fixing some ziti, for supper. I’m going to make an extra big casserole dish of it, and bring it over to them. I’m also making a bunch of garlic bread, to go with.

I have had more time. Instead of arriving at 5:00am, the littles come around 9:15. That leaves me plenty of time to spend with my kids, while they get ready for school. Once they leave, I still have a couple hours to do stuff around the house. I can make my bed, get myself dressed. I can eat something. I did two loads of laundry, this morning, before they got here. My energy and my mood have been significantly better. I won’t have the littles, over Summer. Which, I’m glad about, if I’m honest. I’m looking forward to hanging out with my kids, and Jackie. We’ve already lined up several fun things to do, over Summer! Adam’s been teasing me that I’m going to be able to find time for trouble, again! I just didn’t even have the time or energy to get into any trouble with him, for a long while. Adam had been asking me to stop saying yes to everybody, all the time. He cares about the littles, too, but he hasn’t been fond of how exhausted and drained I’ve been. He’s so sweet, because he wants me to take time for myself. He says he misses my crafts, and all the shenanigans. Well, I do believe all of that stuff, and more, is right around the corner.