Loved and hated
Extremely motivated
Overcame the pain I feel rehabilitated
Never let the frustration ever get the best of me
At times I would handle most my problems too aggressively
Kept to myself I was sick of people lying to me
Lifestyle of the rich and famous it ain’t all pretty
Glamorize the city lights but damn I love the humble towns
Since I reached that natural high I’m never coming down

What if these broadway lights don’t shine
Like they’re supposed to
When you work so hard that you lose everyone
You’re close to
Can’t stand on stage, can’t sing these songs
When people don’t know the words
Nashville can make you hurt
These dreams should’ve came with a pain pill

~Austin Tolliver & Bezz Believe

My dad texted me, to let me know he won’t be home for Thanksgiving, this year. Nashville has a way of devouring people in the business of music. All your time and energy are put into people who will suck you dry, and then leave you when there’s nothing left to take from you. Meanwhile, the people who’ve been your biggest supporters, through it all, sit in last place. Priorities unravel to the point you forget to remember what (and who) truly matter. So, it’s just going to be Adam, our kids, Justin, Jackie, and me at our Thanksgiving dinner. Oh well. I’m sure we’ll have a great celebration, even if it’s just us.

Closing time, time for you to go out
To the places you will be from…

I know who I want to take me home…

Closing time, every new beginning
Comes from some other beginning’s end.

~Semisonic

This past Saturday, Justin and Jackie came over. Mikayla and her boyfriend also hung out with us. We all played some silly games. I made rotel dip with tortilla chips, for us all to munch on. I had made a lemon cake, a few days earlier, so we snacked on that too. I love that my daughter wants to be part of our shenanigans, and her boyfriend participated too! We all had a lot of laughs.

Sunday, we all went to church. Later, Adam, Mj, and I took Oliver for a long walk, around our neighborhood. It’s been beautiful. Sunny and 70’s. Today, it’s a little warm in our house, but I’m definitely not going to complain! I had made a fried chicken casserole, for supper. I was so sleepy, after we ate last night. I curled up in Adam’s lap, on the couch, and fell asleep. He woke me up, around 10:00pm, and we went to bed. I felt good, this morning! The littles arrived, at 5:00am. They always go back to sleep, which gives me a chance to drink my coffee. Then, I start waking up my kids, so they can get ready for school. The littles usually wake up just after mine leave for school. My time is pretty much consumed, taking care of them, until they leave. They leave just as my kids begin arriving home from school. Of course, then my kids want my attention. Before I know it, it’s time to fix supper. We eat, I clean up supper dishes, Adam and I take our shower, go to bed, and start all over again the next day. Today, I found myself with a little bit of time to spare, so I wanted to write. My energy “tank” still has some gas in it. I find I’m on “empty”, some days. It feels good to feel good.

I’m going to make ziti, for supper, tonight. I’ve gotten two loads of laundry done. I even took a few minutes to do my hair and apply pretty smelling lotion and perfume. I didn’t end last night by having Adam inside me. He did keep me held in his arms, all night long, but I’m looking forward to making up for that lost opportunity, tonight. I’m in the mood to play with my husband. To be silly awhile, and then sexy. His day didn’t start off well. He was stopped along the interstate, where he had to watch as paramedics wheeled the deceased passenger from a horrible car accident, into the ambulance. The driver was taken into the emergency helicopter. I prayed for that person, and for the families of everyone involved. It’s a very sobering thing, witnessing something so tragic and unfortunate. I’ve been looking so forward to giving Adam a big hug, and appreciating him in all the ways I can think of.

~Florida Georgia Line

It’s Friday! I’ve had a busy week. These extra kiddos are a lot of extra time, energy, and work. I love them, but it’s a lot harder to find any time for myself.

This Tuesday was Halloween. Wyatt chose to go to a wrestling practice, rather than trick or treat, this year. Mikayla and Mj dressed up. Mikayla went as Wednesday, and Mj went as Enid.

MiKayla’s boyfriend came over, and they took Mj around the neighborhood trick or treating. Adam and I handed out candy, here at our house. Justin and Jackie came over. We didn’t stay up too late, but it was a fun evening. My kids were out of school, the day after Halloween. They’d scheduled a teacher in-service day. I definitely appreciated that. It’s always so hard, after Halloween. The kids want to trick or treat. They hang out with friends. Then, they have to come home and shower, settle down, and be up early the next morning. This made it much easier on everyone.

On Monday, I had gotten a bill I wasn’t expecting to receive. I wasn’t surprised to see the regular amount, but I was caught very off guard to see there was a late charge attached to it. In September, after MiKayla’s accident, I had messed up on something else. I’d forgotten to schedule the payment on a different bill. Because of that, it was late. I’m usually very good about these things. It was just so chaotic, I completely lost track of time. Adam had sympathy on me. He didn’t get upset, or seriously spank me for it. He was understanding. When this new bill (for something else) arrived, this Monday, I was really confused. I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I’d known about!? It turns out, since I’d scheduled the payment for this bill on a Saturday, it didn’t actually go through until the following Tuesday! Because of this, it was considered late. It was due on the day before it processed, which then made it late. I think that’s bullshit. If I’d have submitted that same payment on Monday, rather than Saturday, it would’ve been on time! Now that I’m aware of this, I will definitely be more careful, but I truly had no idea! So, this Tuesday, Halloween, I explained all of this to Adam. Again, he wasn’t angry with me, but he kept insisting that he was going to spank me for it. Beings it was Halloween, with constant trick or treaters at our door, and Justin and Jackie here, nothing more was mentioned. Until, we got in the shower, later that night. I’m honestly proud of myself, for expressing my feelings without becoming disrespectful or raising my own voice. I was upset. I was upset for a few reasons. Adam hadn’t punished me for the issue in September. Even though, in all fairness, that one was my own fault. Threatening that he was going to, over something that I did not feel entirely responsible for, seemed incredibly unfair. I never lied to him. I wasn’t hiding anything. I had no awareness, whatsoever, there was an issue. Until, that stupid bill arrived, with a “late fee”. I did my very best “lawyering”, and I explained to him, I didn’t feel it was fair to put me “in prison” for “stealing a piece of bubblegum”, after he’d just recently let a “murder” slide. Even though, neither of those things was ever done intentionally, I do accept that it was my responsibility for the one bill being overlooked. However, I did not forget, or overlook, this recent one. I had no knowledge of an issue. Had I known, I’d have done things differently. I absolutely thought I’d done everything right. It just isn’t all on me, that they didn’t process a payment I made for several damn days! Adam did begin to get a little bit frustrated with my arguments, and he raised his voice a little bit to me. I told him “Keep it up, Adam. Raise your voice and get mad, because that’ll make sure you don’t come out of this one on top”. That statement was enough to settle his frustrations. He knew I was right about that part, at the very least. If he lost his cool, he’d no longer maintain his authority. I said what I said, in my best efforts to save him from slipping. It wasn’t about me, in that moment. It was about helping to remind my husband not to step down from his position. I will not, and cannot, accept anything he might say or do, if he isn’t maintaining his own composure. Adam has never put his hands on me in anger. Nor do I believe he ever would. But, anything he might try to say to me, out of anger, will never be heard by me. It only serves as kindling for the fire that’s already begun. Things get heated, and nobody feels good about the results. I also told Adam, I had tried hard to give him my perspective of this situation, in a respectful way. I had not insulted him. I hadn’t raised my voice. I simply stated my opinions. After this, he stepped back, and I could see he was considering all of the things I’d said to him. Finally, he told me, “You’re right.” I smiled. Not out of malice, but because I realized he was understanding where I was coming from, now. He listed out his “rules”. The ones that would, from now forward, always result in a serious spanking. They essentially amounted to disrespect, disobedience, and dishonesty. I’m not going to argue against those things. I agree, I should be accountable for breaking those rules. As I’ve said before, I just get frustrated when he decides he’s going to bust by butt over something “little”, while ignoring another thing that I understood to have been a “big” issue. Obviously, there are going to be considerations. Life isn’t predictable. It’s hard sometimes. Shit happens. I know Adam and I both agree, that intent has a lot to do with what consequences are delivered. An accident, or a mistake, is not the same thing as deliberately breaking a rule. Consistency matters, a lot. Understanding, patience, and trust matter most, though. It isn’t as simple as writing down a list of “do’s and don’t’s”. This stuff requires a deep love and understanding about the people participating. Adam knows me better than anyone. Because of this, I trust him. I trust that he knows me well enough to always do his best at providing whatever it is that I need the most, in any given situation. I believe that he does exactly that, too. We’re both human. We can’t possibly always be right. We learn and grow from mistakes, and then we move forward.

It should be a great weekend. I’m excited to spend it relaxing with my favorite people. ❤️

~Warren Zeiders

This weekend has flown by, same as pretty much every weekend does. Friday evening, Justin and Jackie came over. The guys chopped some wood, so we could have a fire at Poppy’s, Saturday night. Then, we all played cornhole awhile. Saturday morning, I ran a few errands. Mikayla has been driving my car, until we find her a new one. Between her having my car, and the little kiddos I’m babysitting, I’ve been home bound nearly everyday. I loved getting in my car, cranking up my radio, and getting out. Jackie and I went and picked up some beer, to bring to our guitar night. We got ready, and headed over to his house. We all roasted brats and hotdogs over the fire. Poppy’s girlfriend made a delicious dip, so we also ate that with some tortilla chips. I brought my “s’mores kit”, so we could make s’mores over the fire, too. Everybody else started showing up, and our music fun began. I’ve sure missed these guitar nights! It’s been way too long since we’ve done one of them.

That was such a fun night! The weather is fixing to turn cold, so we decided we’re going to plan a guitar night at our house. We can set it all up in our basement. Everybody was totally down for it, so I’ll definitely be setting this up soon! Struggle Jennings recently moved into the same neighborhood as Poppy’s girlfriend. Jackie and I both adore him. I’d love to set up a music night and get him involved!

I’ve truly been nothing but good, lately. Adam accused me of rolling my eyes at him, the other night, but I hadn’t. If I look him in his eyes, and tell him “I didn’t do that”, he always takes my word for it. I also never lie to him, like that. I’ve never looked him in his eyes, and flat out lied. We’ve been silly and had a lot of great sex, but there’s been no trouble.

Mj is at a friend’s house, hanging out. Mikayla is at work. Wyatt is lounging around, playing video games, in his bedroom. Adam’s chilling on the couch. I’m downstairs, watching some episodes of I Love Lucy, and snuggled under a blanket. It’s currently 63 degrees outside, but I feel chilly today! I haven’t decided what I’m making for supper, yet. Either potato soup, or this Italian shells pasta recipe I’ve got all the stuff for. I need to clean the kitchen, and vacuum the floors. I’m just enjoying being lazy, for awhile. My hair still smells like the smoke from the campfire we had last night. I’ll probably have to wash our bedding, since I’ve likely transferred that same smell to my pillow.

I’ve been working hard to get a good routine with these kids I’m babysitting. We’re finding our flow, and it’s getting much easier. I’d love to be able to write more, during the week, but I’ve been so busy and exhausted, it’s dang near impossible. I suspect that we’re nearing a point where that’ll be able to fit into my days again, though. Without going into detail, those babies have been through it. It takes time, and a lot of patience, to help them adjust to the big changes they’ve experienced. The baby, Emma, choked last week here. I’d given them some fruit snacks, and she tried to swallow one of them whole. Justin and Jackie were here, as well as all my kids, and a couple of their friends. Everyone stood silent, as I worked to dislodge the fruit snack from her throat. It was scary as hell, but I’m proud of myself for remaining calm, and doing what needed to be done. Once everybody left, I had a quiet moment alone. I began to shake all over. I couldn’t even lift my glass of lemonade to my mouth, because my hands shook so bad. All the fear and adrenaline were coming out. I truly do fall in love with every single child I’ve cared for. I love those babies.

I’m going to sit here and do a bunch of nothing, a little bit longer, before I get the things I need to accomplished. Tomorrow is Monday, which begins a week of very busy. Tuesday is Halloween. The kids don’t have school, Wednesday, so they’ll all be home that day too. So, I’m taking advantage of the opportunity to relax in this quiet moment.

Pictures and passing time…

I remember, I remember everything.

~Zach Bryan

We had a great time, last weekend. I’ve had all the little people I’m watching, until today. I had a whole day off. I’ve spent today cleaning like crazy. I scrubbed baseboards, cleaned bathrooms, washed walls and doors. I wiped all the cupboards and appliances down. I vacuumed and mopped all the floors. I dusted. I washed windows. It feels so good to have all those things done.

The weather here’s been hot and sticky, all week. We’re going to Poppy’s Saturday, for our guitar night with everybody. Next week, it turns cold, though! The high on Halloween is only like 52 degrees. There’s also a chance of rain. I really hope it doesn’t. The kids have so much fun going out with their friends, to trick or treat.

Adam finally got our living room TV mounted over our fireplace, a couple days ago. Having these little kids here had me desperate to get that done. Tiny hands constantly touching it, and throwing things around it. I think it looks so good in there, now!

I haven’t done a thing to piss Adam off. It’s been busy as heck here, but not in a bad way. I’m spending a whole lot of energy to take care of these little ones, and my own family. I’m so excited to get dressed up cute, and to have fun with my people, Saturday! Last night, Justin and Jackie came over. The guys were chopping firewood, out back. Jackie and I had just gone out there, and Mj was attempting to chop a piece of wood. I told her that’s real dangerous, and she could get hurt bad. Justin took over. His very first swing, the wood split and the axe landed on his foot! Thankfully, he didn’t cut himself too badly. His toenail got pulled up from his toe, though. It looked painful as hell. Jackie’s heading over here soon. We’re going to hang out for awhile. Tomorrow, I’ll have the littles again. It’ll be Friday, though! Then, it’s time to have a fun weekend.

I’ve been doing good. Really good. I feel good. It’s been busy, but I’m alright. I had the worst period cramps I’ve had in years, earlier in the week. That was tough. I’m much better now, though. Other than that, I’ve got no complaints. I probably won’t have all the little kiddos I’m watching, for too many more days. Life can get back to a little more “normal”, whatever that is! Halloween being right around the corner, means November first is almost here. November first, is when I start bringing out the Christmas decorations! I love to decorate for the holidays. I hate the cold and dreary weather, but I love the season. Everyone’s planning to come over here, for Thanksgiving, again this year. I love staying busy with the people I love.

Oh, I can’t believe it’s true sometimes

I get to love you
It’s the best thing that I’ll ever do

~Ruelle

It’s been a WEEK! We’ve had three extra little people at our house. They’re 5, 3, and 1 and a half years old. I’m watching Jackie’s sister’s youngest three kids everyday, all day, Monday through Friday. They’re good kids, but it’s a lot. Keeping up with my housework, my own kids, and all the things I’m accustomed to just isn’t as easy, with three extra little people here.

Her youngest, Emma, has a trachea. I’ve taken classes, so I know how to take care of all her needs. She’s amazing, though! That little girl talks over her trachea. She has done so incredible, they’re going to be doing surgery to remove it, soon. Doctors never expected her to be where she’s already at. I love that baby. She’s ornery as hell, but I love it. The other two are very very sweet, also. It’s a big adjustment, when kids first come to our house. They have to learn our rules, and how things work here. We’ve been through this plenty of times. We’ve fostered and babysat for a whole lot of kids. Once we get past the first couple of weeks, things settle. It’s so busy right now though, I haven’t even had the energy or time to write here.

Today, Adam and Wyatt cleaned out our garage. I enjoyed slowly waking up, sipping on my coffee, and not having anything to do. I cleaned our windows. They were covered in tiny handprints. I organized all the toys in the playroom. I took a long shower, put on something cute, and had the opportunity to take care of me. Jackie came over, this afternoon. We did some crafting. The guys watched football. They’ve got ribs on the grill, for supper. We have a couple other friends coming over tonight, too. Adam’s good friend and his girlfriend. Jackie and I have set up everything for us to do a goofy fun activity. We’ve got blank canvasses for everyone to paint on. We’re going to have each couple paint one another. Except, Jackie and I are making our guys look like Homer Simpson (Adam), and the Pillsbury Doughboy (Justin). It’s going to be hilarious!

The weather’s gorgeous. It’s a perfect evening for hanging out with friends. I expect we’ll get our cornhole boards out, later. I made pasta salad, and corn on the cob, to go with their ribs. Jackie is sitting on the deck, with the boys. I just finished cleaning the dishes, so I took this moment to write something here.

Next Saturday, we’re having a big guitar night get together at Poppy’s. That’s going to be a blast! Jackie and I went to Poppy’s house on Thursday evening. He cooked supper for us. We ate, and then we sat on his screened in porch and talked and laughed awhile. That was really nice.

I still hit them dive bars
Every once in a blue moon
Got a wild card
I keep inside my boot

Been thinking lately maybe I should save it
‘Cause them hangovers sure kick my ass these days
So I spend most my happy hours here at home
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

But I can still raise hell all night with the boys when I want too
Lay that hammer down to see how fast she’ll go
But these days I hang my hat on what I won’t do
And I’ve been finding peace of mind, slowing my role
You learn to tow that line with time, as it goes
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

It’s when you start thinkin’
How much time left you got
If there’s more sand in the bottom, or the top
‘Cause that hourglass we have don’t last forever
Been thinking ’bout it more and more, these days
It’s like the less you have, the faster that it goes
In the middle of growin’ up, and gettin’ old

~Luke Combs

We had a great time, last night. Jackie and I crafted some new things. After supper, we all went outside to play cornhole for awhile. The weather was so beautiful!

Today has been a lazy Saturday, at home. The kids have friends over. They’re all watching a movie, downstairs. Adam’s watching football. I finished cleaning up the supper dishes, and now I’m making my vanilla cappuccino, in the kitchen. I made sloppy joes and nachos, for supper. Tomorrow, Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I are going to make our Costco trip. It’s been a nice, quiet day at home, today. It’s cooler out, too. Especially this evening. It’s crazy how quickly the air has turned chilly. It was stuffy and hot, last night. Today is much more like a “Fall” day.

There’s no trouble. No worries. No drama, whatsoever. It’s just a magically perfect kind of day. In fact, it’s been like that for a good little while, lately.

~Kenny Chesney & Old Dominion

I’ve probably used this song, as a title, already. It was in my head, and it’s appropriate, so I used it. Likely for the second time 😆

Yesterday, Jackie and I went and did a little shopping. I needed to return a couple things to Kohl’s, that didn’t fit the kids right. Then, we went to a couple of craft stores. I found some stuff to use for future projects. When we got back here, Jackie and I crafted. The boys grilled chicken for us. I made macaroni and cheese, with melty, runny cheese, to dip the spicy chicken into. I also made some lemon pepper green beans. It was all delicious! After supper, the boys watched a football game, while Jackie and I went back downstairs to craft.

I slept a little better, last night. I didn’t do quite as much tossing and turning. Except for, at some point during the night, Adam grabbed onto my behind, and squeezed. It woke me up, and I hollered, OWIEEE! He’s been known to sleep talk, and he regularly gets “handsy”, without even realizing it. More than once, I’ve woken up and thought, ooh maybe he wants some midnight action! Only to discover, he’s fast asleep.

Adam was in a great mood, yesterday. Work has been going real well, for him. He’s got a new truck ordered, that’ll be here sometime between March and May of next year. He’s excited about that. I’ve been looking into a few different local craft fairs, coming up. I thought maybe Jackie and I could be one of the vendors, and sell some of our stuff. Whether I actually make any money, or not, it’s a lot of fun. I’ve already made several gifts for family and friends, I intend to give them for Christmas. I’m working on a cute height chart, for Pj.

Jackie is heading over here, soon. We’re going to hang out, and craft, until the boys get home. Jackie is cooking us all beef stroganoff, tonight. Later, we’re planning to set up our cornhole boards, and play several rounds. Of course, Jackie and I always win the majority of our games of cornhole. She has a notebook she’s been keeping track of our scores on. There hasn’t been a night yet, where we didn’t beat the guys, overall. Last year, Jackie and I played a game against some strangers, at a bar. There was a crowd watching. One person attempted to walk in front of us, and someone else stopped him. He yelled, “Hey man! They’re professionals! Stay out of the way!” Jackie and I still laugh about that!

Sunday, we’re all going to make a trip to Costco. It’s been a trip we make, every 6 weeks or so, to restock on some bulk food and household items. It can easily be an expensive excursion. Adam and I spent over $600, last time. Most of the stuff in our buggy, was things Adam put in there, though. His eyes always get big, when there’s lots of meat varieties he can get to grill. It isn’t a bad thing, anyhow, because our freezer gets stocked, and we don’t need to buy any meat for a good while. Groceries are so expensive, anyway. I suppose it’s just the spending so much at once, on groceries, not something fun, but groceries, that makes me groan.

Besides all that, I don’t have much to write about today. It’s a beautiful day, here. I put on some high waisted jeans, and a white crop top t-shirt. I have a tiny hair straightener, I use on my bangs. My hair is naturally curly, and I don’t straighten it often. I just sprayed some sea salt spray in my hair, and let it do its thing. I have gotten lots of compliments on my new bangs, though!

I also got my dress, for Jackie and Justin’s wedding! It arrived, this morning. I’m waiting on Jackie to get here, before I try it on. I think it’ll be super cute! We’re having such a blast, with this wedding planning. As fast as I know time flies, nearly a whole year feels like a long time to wait for something we’re all so excited to get to!