(This title is a Christian song, by “Stars Go Dim” 😉
I shared my last post with Jackie. This was some of our text messages, after.
This morning, as I waited in the pharmacy drive thru, I got a random text from my Dad.
I’m not alone. There are great people, who truly care for me. I know this, and I spend most of my time focusing on these people. There are just some hard days. I can’t help feeling sad for who isn’t here, sometimes. As a mother myself, it’s so impossible for me to understand how my mother doesn’t see me the way I look at my babies? I tell them all the time, if they could look in the mirror, and see themselves the way I do, they would never have a second of doubt. They’re beautiful, inside and out. When they hurt, I hurt. When they do something amazing, I’m so proud. When they need a hug, or some reassurance, I’m here. I’m not a perfect mama. My babies know how loved they are, though. They will never have to doubt their mama’s love for them, ever. I will not let myself become my own mother. She has definitely helped to motivate me, to be the very best mama that I can be. Missing out on some important things a child is supposed to get from their mother, that’s made me hyper aware of what my own children need from me. And, to tell the truth, I hope they grow up taking it all for granted. I pray that they can grow up and become great parents, spouses, human beings, simply because they don’t know any different.
Adam and I hear all the time, from people, that the way we look at each other is magical. The way we love each other, and our children, is literally felt by the people around us. I couldn’t count how many times I’ve heard our friends tell us they would die to have what we do. It’s not a “show” we’re putting on, here. We argue, sometimes. I know we can seriously piss each other off, but there’s never even a thought about leaving. We’ve never thrown out the “D word” (divorce). It isn’t even an option. Even when we’re angry, it’s because we love each other. I want our children to grow up with memories about how amazing their childhood was. I hope they can always look back and see all of the love.