Playing With Fire

I neglected to mention something that happened, Friday night. We went to bed around 10:30, because Adam had to work Saturday morning. As we were brushing our teeth, Adam said something to me. I can’t remember what. I wasn’t seriously angry. I replied, “you can fuck right off.” Adam reached over, and smacked my ass. For some reason, I decided to continue to challenge him. I repeated, “fuck off.” Again, smack. This back and forth continued, several more times. I finally had to give in, when I recognized that I was never going to win this one.

I woke up, during the night, with a very sore behind. Even while we sat at the table, on Saturday night, playing games, I couldn’t stay comfortable. Adam ended up bringing me a pillow to sit on. While we were in the shower, on Sunday, he spun me around, so he could see what my butt looked like. There are marks leftover. I turned back around, and told him to “stop admiring his work.” I was also soooo sore, from the “rage room” the previous day. Adam pulled me into his arms. He insisted, he does not enjoy giving me a sore behind. He told me, he doesn’t feel sorry for spanking me, but he feels sorry that he had to do it. He says he will not let me talk to him like that. I guess he means it.

I grew up watching my mother treat my dad like an accessory. I saw her control his entire world, easily. I know how easy it can be, to manipulate a man who genuinely loves you. That’s a dance, most all women learn to perform. I don’t actually want to be able to do it, though. I find indescribable comfort in knowing that Adam will not, in fact, fall for my bullshit. I never intend to be malicious. It’s almost an unconscious thing. I am well aware that I wield a significant amount of power, in our relationship. Adam would do just about anything, if I asked him in the right way. I honestly believe love is a dangerous game for a man to play with a woman. I have to possess a fairly significant amount of trust, in my husband. I have to always know, without a doubt, that he will never harm me. His strong hands could literally squeeze the life from me in seconds. He won’t do that, though. In that same sense, Adam must have an equally significant trust, in me, because I could drain the life from him, too. Maybe not with my hands, but with my choices in words, my attitude, my tone of voice. His “evil”, would land him in handcuffs. My “evil” would either leave him trapped in a miserable marriage, or divorced. Spending every other weekend with his children, while I live off of alimony and child support, in the house he’s still paying for. I think we all know that somewhere inside of us, there’s a certain amount of “evil”, which we are vaguely aware of, but also know we must contain, lest we end up alone and unloved. Maybe it’s wiser to make sure we’re acquainted with the evil that resides inside us? Maybe that’s what love is? Calling out each other, when their “evil” is showing.

10 thoughts on “Playing With Fire

  1. Eve, you and Adam are on a wonderful road, you will learn much about each other. In this learning process you will each find that you each have power over the other, nothing will happen without mutual consent, that is a fundamental premise of a D/S relationship. Sir 🙂

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    1. I was just talking to my dad’s girlfriend about her chess pie recipe. She makes the BEST! I told her I shared one here, and got to wondering, do y’all make chess pie in TX? Is that just a TN thing?? Anyway, just was curious.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. In fact, I myself have blessed myself with tasty chess pie on a number of occasions.
        That be good estim!!!
        Here in The Great State Of Texas we have a large variety of outstanding desserts.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It is extremely sad when the husband or wife weaponizes the power that each has, to hurt the other in a marriage, during a divorce or in life afterwards. To squander and destroy the love that once existed in a once healthy relationship only ever damages children and the spirits of their mother and father. We need to be striving to be the best people we possibly can be. Treating each other with love, respect, tenderness, compassion, empathy and integrity. Maybe with each action that is potentially harmful, we need to ask ‘would I want someone to do this to me’

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    1. I agree. There are things we’ve learned, about each other, that are uniquely different. For example, Adam would appreciate my silence, when he’s upset. Me? I cannot stand to feel abandoned. It takes me to a horrible place, in my head. I prefer to have him address an issue with me. If he ignores me, it’s devastating. If he yells, it shuts me down. If I look into his eyes, and see anything resembling the resentment and hatred I saw in my mother’s, I’m shattered. Our way of handling our issues is just our way of handling issues. We’re all different. We all have different experiences, in life. We all have “triggers”, that set us off into a very unproductive headspace. When you love someone, you figure out what works, without completely destroying the person you’ve promised to love and care for.

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      1. I completely agree. It takes time and trust to make yourself vulnerable to the person you love. Its devastating when someone knows your triggers and manipulates them. It’s can also be hard to give the other person what they need when it’s opposite to what you need in the same situation. We can only keep being the best people we can be and trying to give what the other needs. That’s not to say that we don’t fuck it up at times. But that’s when forgiveness is important. For me, humour is a bottom line. You and Adam have clearly created a warm loving and fun filled home.

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  3. This post contains great insight that would benefit many husbands and wives and anyone considering
    matrimony.
    Not only does it contain valuable
    Winsight but it was well said m’lady!
    Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

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