I got a little too far gone
The heart was talking way too loud
I don’t remember what I said
I just remember breaking down

I brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It’s off my chest, but never off my mind

I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night

~Eli Young Band

The truth is, I did not, actually, get drunk last night. If I had combined too much alcohol, with the overflow of emotions I was experiencing, that would’ve been a gigantic mess! I was responsible. I was a good mama, I think. I held it all inside, to the very best of my ability. Not only was my baby graduating, but we’d invited her biological father, and his family, to her party. There is some bad history there, with one of those particular family members. Mikayla has an uncle who is just a horrible person. He’s one of them Bible thumping, knows better than everyone around him, kind of people. He’s the definition of homophobic. He’s sexist as fuck. I still have a scar on my hand, from when he took his lit cigarette, grabbed my hand, and held that cigarette down on the back of my hand. All because he was pissed and blaming me, for some stupid reason, that his brother was leaving for a military assignment. This was many years ago now. Back when Mikayla was just a baby. He also attempted to coerce Jackie into spending the night with him. Jackie was just a teenager, back then! He was already in his forties! Not to mention, married with children of his own. He got angry, when I defended Jackie, and I told him to back the fuck off. So, he wound up taking both of us to the pool, and held our heads under the water, for long enough to haunt me to this day. This idiot was inside MY home, yesterday. We allowed it, for Mikayla. We chose not to make a scene, for our daughter. It was her day, after all.

Everyone was on their best behavior, and there really were no issues, whatsoever. Still, the tension was clearly felt. On top of everything, my sister and her family were here. I wanted to spend time with her and my baby niece. We had friends who showed up, to Mikayla’s party, with their gaggle of small children. I tended to about a dozen small children’s needs, as I did my best to entertain and occupy everyone else who was here. One of the parents did imbibe in a bit too many beers. They had SIX little kids here, and I felt responsible for looking out for them. Throughout all of this, Adam was such an amazing and supportive husband and daddy. He was so patient, with me. He recognized my anxieties. He tolerated my short bursts of attitude, directed at him. He knew I was reaching my own limits, so he did everything possible to take care of everything he could, to help me. Even so, I did wind up at a point where my own ability to contain the suppressed feelings I’d done my best to keep hidden all day, spilled over. I just couldn’t “people” anymore. The party was winding down, and I was beyond ready for it to be over. I got a little “short” with Adam, in our kitchen. I don’t exactly remember what I said? I just know he stood in front of me, like the rock he is, and assured me he would take care of all the things I was insisting needed done. I worried about all the dirty dishes, and cleaning up. He promised to handle it. I’d even rolled my eyes, at him, at one point. All he told me was, “Okay, you don’t need to roll your eyes to me. It’s alright. I’ve got it covered.”

As my sister was leaving, with Pj, I began to cry. I felt so guilty, because I hadn’t spent nearly as much time with her as I’d hoped to!

In today’s morning light, I realized some things. I explained to my husband, sister, and best friend, it wasn’t one or two things. I wasn’t angry, or upset. I wasn’t even just sad. I was full with all the emotions, pouring into a “cup”. My “cup” was overflowing. Someone could’ve told a funny joke, and I’d have bawled. I’d held onto so many strong, and conflicting emotions. I simply had no more room inside myself, for even one more drop of happy, sad, mad, or afraid to go. Thankfully, Mikayla was blissfully unaware of this little breakdown I’d had. She had been hanging out in the pool, with friends. Her best friends had come to her party. All the kids got into the pool, and played volleyball.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Everything went perfectly. I suppose I seem like a great big baby, describing my outburst, at the end of it. I certainly don’t ever mean to sound as if I take any of it for granted. I celebrate and appreciate all of these incredible milestones. I was just so tired. My body and mind couldn’t possibly take on even one more task. I needed to rest.

I woke up, this morning, feeling much better! I’d just poured myself a cup of coffee, and gone downstairs to sit and enjoy a moment to myself, when my phone alerted us about a tornado warning we were in. We had some scary minutes! The wind was whipping past us, as trees blew nearly completely sideways. Our doors were suctioning way in. We took cover, downstairs. This tornado went just past us, and left us mostly unscathed. We only lost some pool things that had been left inside it, and had our yard full of scattered tree limbs and miscellaneous toys. We never even lost power! Our lights flickered, during the worst of it, but that was it. We got lucky, once again. I don’t believe there was anyone seriously injured or killed. It was pretty scary, though!

Tomorrow, we’re all going over to Poppy’s house. We’re going to swim and play there, on Memorial Day. The boys are grilling and smoking some food, for everyone. It should be a relaxing and quiet afternoon. Exactly what I need, right now.

I need to go get Adam, and get him naked in our shower, with me. I can think of a few ways to de-stress, with my husband. They pretty much all involve removing our clothes…

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance… I hope you dance…

~LeeAnn Womack

What a day it has been! My mind, body, and soul are all exhausted! I seriously don’t think I can even write much, tonight. It’s been a beautifully, wonderfully, amazing, incredible day. But, I’m tired.

A cold beer’s got twelve ounces
A good truck’s got maybe three hundred thousand
You only get so much until it’s gone
Duracells in a Maglite
A needle drop on a forty-five
Are the kinda things that only last so long
When the new wears off and they get to getting old
Sooner or later, time’s gonna take its toll

They say nothing lasts forever
But they ain’t seen us together
Or the way the moonlight dances in your eyes
Just a t-shirt in the kitchen
With no make-up and a million
Other things that I could look at my whole life…

Maybe some things last forever after all

~Luke Combs

The whirlwind weekend has begun! We’ve got a whole lot of company here, and a whole lot to do. It’s amazing, though. I love it. My Mikayla is graduating, tomorrow. After, we’ll have her party here, at our house. My sister, her husband, and my niece Pj are all here. It was so much fun, spending time with them, today.

Adam and Wyatt are outside, cutting the grass, now. We’re attempting to finish up all the last minute things we wanted done, before tomorrow arrives.

My sister, Jackie (and their boos) are all over at Poppy’s. They’re hanging out there, having fun, this evening. I told them, we just cannot possibly make it there, tonight. There’s still so much to do. Besides that, I really just want to hang out with my kids. We have to be up early, in the morning, to get ready for graduation. I’ve been sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing, cleaning, and doing everything I can to have our house as presentable as possible, for Mikayla’s party tomorrow. I got the ice cream cakes made, this afternoon. I feel like no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I do, we’re going to miss something. I’ll forget to do something. I just so want everything to be beautiful and perfect for her. There are no “do overs”, for moments like these. This is it. It will be a day that will never again be repeated. I know Adam is feeling the same pressure as I am, to make everything wonderful. He’s been working so hard. Tomorrow is almost here. This day we’ve planned and prepared for. Our little girl is about to begin her “adult” life. Our lives are all going to change, in great big ways. It’s not necessarily bad. In fact, it’s everything we’ve hoped for. I suppose the time has crept up on us faster than we’d anticipated, is all. It’s here, though. So, here we are.

I’m a little bit redneck, mother
Little bit six-piece swimming in hot sauce
Little bit, “Y’all”, little bit, “Brother”…

A little Tennessee with some Hennessy, call me
[Ms.] Misunderstood
With a toolbox shotgun and a chrome piece
Underneath the truck seat
Little bit country, little bit hood

~Colt Ford

Jackie came over, this morning, and she’s been working her tail off. She’s helped me get the house looking great! We went through all our craft stuff, downstairs, and organized everything. It looks so good, now! Our garage fridge decided to die on us, a couple days ago. We just found a new one, to replace it. Jackie searched the Facebook marketplace, and found us a good ol’ used garage fridge. The boys went, and picked that up. We’ve got someone coming by here, tomorrow, to pick up our old one. Jackie helped to organize and arrange all of that! Adam pressure washed the whole driveway, and patio, out back. We also got the outdoor rug looking brand new, again. We’ve got some family heading here, in the morning. It’s fixing to be a busy weekend! It’ll be lots of fun, though. I can’t wait!

Mikayla’s graduation ceremony will be Saturday morning. Following that, we’re having her party here, at our house. I’ve got lots of decorations to set up. I’m also making TWO ice cream cakes. I’ve got really cute cake topper stuff, to add on the top of them. I picked up some chips and salsa, and queso dip. We’ve got everything ready…I think!

This morning was so amazing. I felt Adam kiss me, before he left for work. Next thing I knew, it was 9:00 AM!!! I didn’t even realize I could sleep that long?! Adam and I went to bed around 11:00pm, last night. Which wasn’t even my choice. He was watching this new TV show him and the kids are into now. He fell asleep almost immediately. Then, sometime during the night, I was awoken. He was running his hands over my body. The next thing I knew, we were both naked. He slid over, behind me, and entered me from behind. I just finished my period a couple days earlier. So, I was definitely horny. When we were finished, we both fell back to sleep. He still had his naked body pressed up against mine. I’m never upset about being woken up, during the night, for some midnight sex.

I just cooked a couple of frozen pizzas, for our supper, because everybody’s still out here working. It’s a busy day, as I fully anticipated. It’s a great day, though. As I also predicted. ❤️

I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me…

I set fire to the rain

Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name
Your name

~Adele

In many ways, Adam is the rain to my fire. I would venture to say, in our relationship, I’m most definitely the more unpredictable one. I’m nearly always keen to find new and exciting adventures. I can be surprisingly brave, in the face of challenges. At least, I’m fairly good at putting on a brave face, anyhow. I’m able to project confidence, even when I might not truly be as sure of myself as I appear to be. I’m a damn good “lawyer”, when it comes to arguing my case. There are also so many areas of our life, where Adam’s strengths shine. Despite my love of exploring new ideas, I’m not so much a fan of any real change. I tend to keep most of my fears to myself. Of all people, Adam knows when I’m hiding something, though. Jackie is always here for me, if I expose my troubles, but Adam just knows. I don’t have to keep my inner demons secret from him, because he sees them anyway. Sometimes, even before I do. Adam is the predictable one, between us. I need that. Adam is able to assure me that everything will be alright, when big changes are inevitable. I believe him, when he tells me I’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. They’ll be okay. Or, we’ll be okay. I completely trust him to make sure of it.

Adam is able to listen to my needs, even unspoken ones. He reads my body language, my tone of voice, and hears my words. Sometimes, it’s my lack of words that trigger his senses. He does seem to always recognize when anything is bothering me, though. He doesn’t let me hide from him. Not for long. If I tell him, I’m not ready to talk about it, he respects that. Eventually, though, he’s going to remind me that he’s waiting for an explanation. He’s good at pulling the truth from me. He manages to do it in ways that don’t feel like he’s pressuring me, or judging me. Even if I have to tell him about something that makes him upset with me. Even then, he never raises his voice to me. He doesn’t immediately get angry. He and I figure out the source of this problem, and how we can remedy it. And then, how we’re going to prevent it from happening again.

Adam knows my favorite foods. My favorite flowers. My favorite colors. He does his best to avoid my getting carsick, when I’m in the passenger seat. He knows that weaving in and out of traffic, and too closely to other vehicles, is one of the things that aggravates my carsickness. So, he tries not to do that. He knows what I like, in bed. He knows how to hug me, kiss me, and when I need him to let go for a moment. He knows when I’m lying, and when I’m telling the truth. He sees me, when I’m overwhelmed, afraid, or sad. He does his best to make me happy, and is very good at it. He knows when to hold me, when to lecture me, when to spank me, and when to give me grace.

All of these things, that work so wonderfully for me and in my marriage, I’d never suggest to be some magic cure for everyone else. I’m a unique and complicated individual. I never meant for my blog to seem like the prescription for everyone’s happiness. Adam and I have spent years figuring out one another. We’re still learning! Adam takes such good care of me. I like to think I return the favor, for him. I know I do try hard, and that he’s a pretty happy husband. I must do a fairly good job? That’s what he tells me, anyway.

Our problem solving skills are ours. That’s the point. Others are welcome to their opinions. I share intimate details of my life, here, so it’s understandable there would be people who have questions and disagreements. I’m mostly unbothered by indirect, or even blatant insults. Unless, they’re meant for my husband, or any of my family really. I never intend to speak negatively about the people I love. I’ll write about allll of my own shit, but I care deeply for my people. I also have enough respect, for myself, not to tolerate cruelty and abuse. Adam is so far from “abusive”! Just putting him and the word “abusive”, within the same sentence, feels wrong. I have written extensively, about my love and adoration, for my husband and family. I suppose I felt the desire to write some more about the ways my husband loves, cherishes, protects, and provides for me. I swear, God designed us for one another! I didn’t know this kind of love existed, before Adam. I couldn’t have trusted in anyone else’s faithful loyalty, before Adam. I can’t even imagine where and who I’d be, without Adam. He makes me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Not because he forces me to be! Because he is such a great example of a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. The trust he has, in me, gives me a burning desire to live up to his expectations. He expects from himself all of the things he does from me. In fact, he demands so much more of himself, than he ever has of me. He’s never harsh with me, when I fall short. He does too, occasionally! I’m simply a much better human, with and because of him. Adam’s the love of my life.

I just needed to say that, in case I haven’t said it enough. ❤️

Roughnecks don’t fall in love, but that pretty face got my heart messed up…

Don’t know where we’re goin’, but girl I’m all in

Looks like roughnecks they fall in love

~Seth Anthony

Adam and I had yet another conversation, about getting him a new truck, before I get my new car. He was trying to talk himself into waiting another year or so, but I have plenty of reasons to argue why that’s not the best choice. For one, I will need a new car, within the next year or two. So, would he rather buy his truck now, and mine then, or have to buy TWO new vehicles at the same time? Secondly, we’re dumping a shitload of money into this truck of his, as it is. If I wanted to be selfish, I’d tell him to keep his truck, so I could go get my new Lexus now! Shoot, I was already gonna be getting my new SUV, in the next few months! I’m the one insisting I’d rather wait, and go find him something new! I did a great job, not raising my voice, or getting too sassy, as I argued these points to Adam. He relented. He looked at me and said, “you’re right.” I believe he may finally be talked into going shopping for a new pickup truck, for himself! For anyone who’s ever known my husband, this man is not one to be told what to do. I’ve learned to persuade him, using skills I’ve picked up over these years I’ve been with him. Despite that, there’s never any guarantee that even my best strategic moves will actually sway him. This one has been a challenge, for sure. At the very least, I’m confident he sees my side of this, and I think he might even agree with me now.

Yesterday was busy as heck. Jackie came over, and helped me shampoo my carpets. We cleaned up the basement, and worked on a craft project for Mikayla’s graduation party, too. I also had a weird reaction, to a few mosquito bites I’d gotten, on my ankle. It swelled up all down my leg and into my foot. It was bright red, and very hot to the touch. Similar to having a bad infection would’ve looked and felt. I also was queasy, and just “off”, all day long. I limped, every step I took, because it hurt like crazy. It was all because of some rare condition called “skeeter syndrome”?! My body’s immune system overreacted, to the bites, and caused all this trouble for me. Because I do have an autoimmune disease, I’m aware my own immune system is pretty much in hyper drive, at all times. I imagine that played a part in this reaction. Our pest company came by here, yesterday afternoon. They sprayed down our yard real good, and put out a couple of “mosquito traps” on each end of our backyard. It did seem to make a difference, already. Today, my ankle is both looking and feeling much better. At some point, during the night, Adam had moved around in bed, and his leg brushed up against mine. It woke me straight up out of a dead sleep! So, I’m pleasantly surprised to be feeling this much better, now.

We’re in a severe thunderstorm warning, right now. I’m hoping this passes by, quickly. I’m definitely not in the mood for scary weather.

Mj had her school award ceremony, yesterday evening. She won an award for being on the honor roll, all year long. She also won an award for her excellence in choir. ❤️

Jackie, Wyatt, and I swam in the pool, for awhile. She took a couple of silly pictures, of me and Wyatt.

I’m working on some laundry, and plan to get some deep cleaning work done. I’ve got baseboards, walls, and outdoor furniture to scrub. The kids had just a half day of school, so we’re planning to do our annual water balloon fight, weather permitting. I’ve got the balloons all ready to go, for later this afternoon. It’s thundering, and awful dark out. We’ve never had bad weather, on their last day of school before! I just realized that. We’ve never missed our water balloon fight. I sure hope we can still do it.

To get everything I wanted in this lifetime
I had to put my beliefs on the front line
In every song that I sing
It’s always been you and me
Tell my baby it’ll be another late night
I left work eight hours after midnight
No breaks, no sleep
And it’s always been you and me

You know it’s always been you and me

~Yelawolf

My poor husband worked so hard, all weekend long. He left work early, Friday afternoon, to go pick up the sand we needed for setting up our pool. They dug up dirt, placed the edging I bought, to go out around the pool, to hold in the sand on the ground. They leveled out the ground. We set up the pool, putting everything together, while following some of the worst “instructions” I’ve ever seen. Adam was planning to grill us supper, yesterday evening. He went to move his pickup truck, and it was having problems. I’ve been telling him he needs a new one, for a couple years now. We’d planned on me getting a new vehicle, this coming Fall. I told Adam, I’d rather get him a nice new truck, and I’ll wait. My SUV is fancy as hell, we just thought it made sense to get something a little smaller now. I’m partial to the Lexus 5 seat SUVs. I’d be happy to wait another year, though, if Adam will go get himself a new pickup. He just got himself a new work truck ordered, a few months ago. He’ll have something reliable and cushy, for work. Now, it’s definitely time for him to trade out his old pickup for a new version. I think he might be convinced to do it, after last night’s issue. He had worked on it, until we got him convinced to just come swim with us, and take a break. So, this evening, he’s outside working on his truck.

I’ve got “Runza casserole” cooking in the oven, for supper. It’s sure feeling like Summertime, lately! Today was the littles last day here, before Summer break. It was a perfect day to spend out back, playing in the water, with them. I set up a little kiddie pool, for them to splash in. We had a great day, before they left for their own Summer break.

We got our pool all filled up, and it’s looking good now! Mj came home, after school, and immediately changed into her swimsuit. Her and one of our neighbor’s little girls swam awhile. Tomorrow is the last full day, of school, before Summer break. They’ll have a half day, Wednesday, and then we’re officially on Summer vacation! Tomorrow, Jackie and I are going to craft some stuff I’ll be using for Mikayla’s graduation party. She’ll graduate this coming Saturday, and we’re having her party afterward. My sister, her husband, and my sweet little niece, Pj, are heading down here, Wednesday! They’ll be here for a week. I’m so excited to see them!

Adam and I talked about how much crap seems to be going on, all at once. We’ve got lots of amazing and wonderful things happening. We’ve also got a whole lot of “life” that seems to be coming towards us faster than anticipated. Besides Mikayla graduating, we weren’t exactly expecting to be spending quite as much money as we have been, and will be. I think we’re doing a pretty good job, handling it all, though.

The truth is, so many of our “problems” are the result of incredible blessings we’ve been given. Our daughter has completed her high school education. She’s about to go onto college, to study and obtain a very exclusive degree. That’s incredible! It’s time for a new pickup truck. Oh wah…. There could certainly be bigger worries. Family and friends are going to be here, this weekend. I’m running around cleaning up the house, as if they’re going to all show up and inspect every nook and cranny, to see if I did a good enough job. We’re okay. Hell, we’re more than okay. We’re fine. We’re wonderfully blessed. There’s just no reason to let these things, we’re so busy concerning ourselves with, distort the reality of how much beautiful and amazing we’ve got, right in front of us. We always come out the other side of the bullshit. We’ve got this. I’m sure of that.

I’m holding onto you, you’re holding onto me
I never thought that I would be in Tennessee
Just tryna kick it with my friends on Broadway
Crazy Town, T Stoner, walking my way
I’m really feeling this, you lean in for a kiss
And before we know it, we’re thinking this is it
With Upchurch on the radio bumping
“Rolling Stoned” and baby I’m buzzing

~Chase Matthew

What a day, today’s been! We’ve worked hard, this weekend, but we’ve all played hard too!

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https://videopress.com/v/mMqyxOHI?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true

It’s been such a busy, yet somehow both long and too quick weekend. I absolutely cannot wait until it’s our Summer break!

I’ve got the littles, tomorrow. It’ll be their last full day, here. Jackie is going to come over, and we’re going to set up the little kiddie pool, for them. Later, after the littles leave we’ll all get into our pool. My babies last day of school, is this coming Wednesday. We’re so close to our Summertime shenanigans! Jackie and my vlogging camera arrived, today, too. We are working hard to figure out producing some vlogs, to coincide with these blogs. I just love all of it. ❤️

~Iris Dement

If I don’t write something, I’ll ruin my streak of writing daily. Today’s been so busy, but a good kind of busy. We all started work, to get ready for our pool, yesterday afternoon. It’s been a very long process, but we’re getting there!

We began to fill it, and quickly realized our calculations were off. We had to move the pool, and backfill some more sand, to level out the ground on one side. We had one neighbor, who lives across the street from us, who drove his lawn mower over here and cut our front grass for us, this morning. Adam had teased him about doing ours, and by gosh if he didn’t do it, then! Our neighbor, beside us, lent us a tool we needed. Another couple, who lives close by, stopped over to chat about their own struggles when they installed their pool. Everyone has been so kind and sweet. It has been a long day, but not a bad one.

… It’s a quarter after one
I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call, but I lost all control
And I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

~Lady A

I probably, technically, should’ve gotten a spanking, last night. I hadn’t told Adam about something that I really should have. When we decided to buy a pool, for our house, I’d found one for a certain price, and that was what I’d shown him. We both agreed to go ahead and purchase it. However, when I went to buy it, the pool I’d intended to get, was gone. Rather than explain that to Adam, I just found another one, which did happen to have a more expensive price tag. In the moment, I didn’t even plan to tell him about this. I’m not good at keeping things from my husband, though. Even tiny things, like this. Despite my full awareness in his near complete inability to say “no” to me, when it comes to making purchases for our home, myself, or our children, I neglected to mention this price change, to Adam. Until last night, that is. You see, our pool arrived, yesterday afternoon. Adam and Justin had already made plans to go pick up sand, to level the ground beneath where we’ll be putting our pool. They both seemed so excited about it, too! It made me happy as hell, to see Adam getting excited about something that we know is going to make our kids happy.

Well, last night, while we took our shower, I finally “spilled the beans”. I told him all about the whole pool buying situation, and explained how and why I’d wound up spending more money than we’d originally discussed. At first, I think he was kind of upset with me. Something within me just broke, at that same time, though. I began to bawl my eyes out. I mean, uncontrollable sobbing. I have, and wouldn’t, ever produce some “fake tears”, in an effort to thwart any upcoming consequences I might be about to face. It’s not my style, at all. Crying just isn’t something I ever do, easily. Adam is also very keenly aware of that fact. He pulled me into his arms, and repeatedly asked me to tell him what was the matter? He and I both knew spending a little more money than we’d planned on for an item, was NOT worth those tears being shed. Of course, it’s wrong to keep things like that from him! It’s certainly not something that was going to earn me the harshest of penalties, though. No, that was definitely not what brought on my sudden, overwhelming, emotions. To be truthful, I couldn’t even explain why it was happening, at first. Eventually, I calmed down enough to find the words to explain to Adam, I just so desperately want to do these kinds of things that we’ve talked about doing for and with our babies, because it’s almost too late. They’re growing up. Getting a pool is just one small thing. But, to me, it’s about the entire experience. It’s about giving our kids these opportunities to make as many fun memories with us, as possible, before it’s simply too late. Before they’re gone, living their own lives. They’ll be buying their own pools, for their backyards. They’ll be busy making new memories, with the families they’ll create. So, for me, I’m feeling a sense of absolute urgency, to do as many of the things we can with them, while we can.

I told Adam, I don’t even know who I am outside of being a mama. This is where I’ve cultivated my skills and created the knowledge that helps me to be the best parent I can be. Obviously, I fuck up. I am human, after all. I try so hard, though. And, honestly, I think I’m fairly good at this parenting stuff. I’m more confident in my abilities to manage children, than any other thing in my life. So, what will I be, when our babies don’t need me anymore? What value will I provide? It’s such a daunting and scary realization, for me. I can’t help but feel, I haven’t done enough yet! I need to do better. I need to train my children in this or that thing. We need to make more memories, together. I’m not finished!

All of those thoughts and emotions combined to form the “perfect storm” I experienced, in the shower with my husband, last night. Adam took pity on me. He must’ve understood the sincerity in my outburst. He only gave me his stern voice, and asked me not to do that again. He insisted, he wouldn’t have cared about it being more expensive. I retorted, I couldn’t stand the thought of him losing the excitement and fun he was so full of, if I were to have told him the whole truth. I suppose, deep down, I should be fully aware of the way Adam’s heart works. The man does everything to provide his family with all that we could ever need or want. That seems to be exactly where he finds his own joy. I have such a kind, generous, caring, understanding, gentle, and loving man that I get to call mine. I’m so grateful for all his reassurances, about my own questioning of who I will be, without our babies. He reminded me of all the people, including himself, who will always need me. He pointed to all the ways I contribute to our family, and even our community. I need to know that I will always matter. I need to be needed. At the very least, I hope to be wanted. But, I definitely find my purpose in being useful, skillful, and needed.