Observations

Saturday morning, Jackie could not stop talking about the night before when Adam picked me up off the ground, lifted his knee in the air, threw me over it, and spanked me. He wasn’t even upset, really. Just sort of reminding me to watch my mouth with him. She has asked me so many questions, but not out of shock and horror, she’s intrigued. She’s seen him slap my butt. I’ve told her bits and pieces of situations and arguments. She mentioned how she was proud of Adam because she didn’t know he really did “wear the pants”. Until I opened up and really explained our relationship, she believed it was all a game. Like Adam was pretending to be in charge sometimes. She invited her guy friend over. We call him “Super Trooper” because he’s a cop. He really likes Jackie and he’s a nice guy. Maybe too nice, though? Adam and I watched her pushing and testing him all evening. My mouth dropped open in absolute shock at some of the things she was saying to him! I told Adam, I cannot even begin to imagine trying to talk to you like that! He told me exactly what I knew he’d do if I tried it. Jackie was so obviously just begging this guy to stand the fuck up to her. It’s an interesting thing to observe from the outside. He did slap her behind a few times and put her into one of those “cop holds” so she couldn’t move for a minute. She so clearly wanted to know if he would do anything. And if so, what?

This afternoon, we talked some more and I gave her the best analogy I could come up with to describe why I’m good with Adam taking charge and spanking me, even when I’m not enjoying it.

Let’s say Adam and I are walking down a sidewalk alongside a busy highway. We start to argue and we’re both getting pissed off. I decide to pull away from him and step off the curb into oncoming traffic. Adam has 3 options now. 1) He can do nothing. If I get hit by a car, that’s on me. 2) He could push me further into the street because he’s angry. 3) He could grab my arm and pull me right the heck off the damn street and back onto the sidewalk where it’s safe. Of these three options, which one makes you feel most loved and protected? Which would give you reason to seriously respect your man? Well, that’s how I look at it. No, it isn’t always fun. It isn’t always easy. We don’t always get it right.

My best friend is taking in all of this, and she’s never had good luck with men. She either dated someone who is abusive and cruel. Or she goes out with really nice guys who let her walk all over them. I would love for her to find what I have. It has blown her mind to learn that Adam isn’t just a pushover. He adores me and he wants to give me the world, but he will not let me walk all over him. Thank God. Because watching her speak to Super Trooper like that was torturous.