Adam can get frustrated with me when I repeat the same mistakes that he’s asked me not to. Things he’s punished me for, Lord only knows, how many times. I’ve tried to explain myself to him. I’ve suggested that, it’s like someone asking you to never step forward with your left foot first. At first, you don’t even realize you’ve done it. Eventually, you get to a point where you can catch yourself, right after you’ve done it. Finally, you learn to make it part of your everyday life to always lead with your right foot. Only occasionally forgetting this. This is how I, genuinely, feel about things like “sidestepping the truth”. It’s just not an overnight fix. I feel that I’ve made big progress, though. I don’t do it to Adam but maybe a fraction of the times that I used to. I understand why he continues to call me out when I do it. I just want him to understand that I am trying to do better.
I had a realization, the other day. There are things that he does, that I have repeatedly asked him not to do. He is terrible about wearing his seatbelt. He drives on an interstate that has multiple accidents daily here. I need my husband to come home safe. Our kids need him to get home safe! I even get onto him about the example he’s setting for our kids. Our son is going to think it isn’t “manly” to wear his seatbelt. Neither of us want that to happen. Still, Adam almost never wears one. It dawned on me that this was a great example to throw back to Adam. A perfect way to show him how I feel, sometimes.
It worked like a charm! He’s been putting his seatbelt on and, when he forgets, he tells me about it. Now he has something that he is working to change in his daily life. It isn’t easy to remember not to forget every single time! I’m hoping that this will help him to see that I don’t screw up just because I feel like being an asshole. It happens without my realizing it, most always. Catching myself, and then confessing to him, are huge steps in the right direction. I’m not suggesting that he isn’t right to punish me. Really, I just hoped that he might be a little less discouraged when I mess up…again, and then again.