Wrongly Accused

Oooohwee, shooo buddy, bless the heart of anyone who tries to accuse me of something I didn’t do!! I am polite, patient, understanding, and forgiving, until someone gets an attitude and treats me as if I’m guilty of something I didn’t do. I was using the self checkout at a grocery store, one time, and the old hag standing there accused me of trying to steal some freakin’ laundry detergent. She worked at the store, and she must’ve taken her minimum wage job very seriously, because she marched over to me, and tried to say that I had scanned something else as if it was the detergent. I know people do that. I’m not one of them. I argued, respectfully, that no ma’am, this is the laundry detergent that I scanned showing right here on the screen. She says, nope, there’s no way that was only $8. At that point, people are starting to stare at us like I was a damned thief. I told her scan it! She wouldn’t do it. She was calling for a manager on her handy dandy, mall cop style, walkie talkie. I picked up the detergent, and ran it over the scanner. Once again, $8 showed on the screen. I told her, seee, now remove this second charge so I can finish buying my groceries. Lady finally says, oh, well, I need laundry detergent. Thanks for reminding me. What the….? Situations like that make my blood boil!

Yesterday, I had my doctor’s appointment. Perfect. I’ve gained 3.4 pounds! My blood pressure is 100/63. I’ve been taking my vitamins, so my iron level is going up. I love my doctor. I’m very irritated with their billing department, however. When I got home, I grabbed our mail from our mailbox. I had a bill for an appointment my daughter was there for, end of September. It claimed I owed $25, which is the copay we have with our health insurance. I always pay that before we go back to see the doctor! I knew I’d paid it. I called. I was polite. I explained the situation. This lady would not stop insisting that I, most certainly, had not paid that day, because they have no record of it. She told me that, if I had a bank statement proving I’d paid it, I could bring it in there and show them. Bitch please. I didn’t say that, but I wanted to. I said, it’s an hour drive, in traffic, to get to the clinic from my house. I’m not going to spend two hours of my day driving to and from there over a bill that I shouldn’t have been sent. We went in circles before I was, finally, able to get an email address that I could send the bank statement to. Was that really so hard?! Lady had an attitude and wouldn’t even entertain the idea that, just maybe, I was telling the truth. Then, before we hung up, she made a snide remark about how my daughter would not be able to be seen until this is paid. Oh my GOSHHH! I said, ma’am , I’ma go ahead and send this proof of payment right now. Next time, it would be great if you don’t make me do y’all’s job. And I hung up the phone. Whew. I was fuming mad.

Then, when Adam got home, he asked me to “step into his office”. That is code for, go to our room, you’re in trouble for something. Only, this time, I had absolutely NO idea why?! I had my fill of accusations, and I struggled not to lose my shit. He could see this happening, so he assured me I was not in trouble. He wanted me to log into our bank accounts and show him something. I think he worries that I’m hoarding money away. I am a bit “extra”, sometimes. I like to save as much as I possibly can. I have a deep seeded fear that we might need it, and then what if we didn’t have it? Covid was tough on us. We spent nearly 2/3 of our savings to get through it. I can’t stand the feeling of laying awake at night, worrying about the what if’s. I had not put any extra money away into accounts we can’t withdraw from. I’d told him about everything I was doing. He was satisfied. I was a little hurt that he didn’t fully trust me, but I understand why. I’ve done this before, recently even.

It felt like I spent the entire day proving my innocence! It’s a good feeling, when I’m vindicated. I’d done nothing wrong, yesterday.

Today, I’ve got a bunch of errands to run. I’m going to keep on crossing off my “to do’s”. I went above and beyond, yesterday. I even did things that I didn’t have to do. Here’s hoping nobody tries to cross me…again…today. I just might not be able to hold myself back!

The Honorable Judge Hardass

In our house, when the kids have a disagreement that can’t get resolved between them, we have “court”. They each present their cases before Adam, and he makes the final verdict. They had a “hearing”, recently. Our son promised to pay our daughter $20 to help him with something. She helped him. He paid her $10, but she wanted her other $10. He had decided that $10 was fair. She disagreed. They each gathered all “evidence” to present. Our son had even changed into some “church clothes” to wear to “court”. It turned out, our daughter had a signed “contract”. Our son had agreed to pay her $20. They both use phrases like your honor and objection. It’s, honestly, adorable. I believe Adam’s verdict is obvious in this picture, here!

Adam wants me to pay the bill we got for work done in our house. I plan to get it done! It’s not even “due” until the end of this month. I couldn’t do it yesterday, because I had a lot going on and I wasn’t home most of the day. I told him I have my doctor appointment today, but I promised to have it done by Friday evening. If I get home early enough, I’ll do it today. It’s kind of a pain because I have to meet up and get a physical check to pay them. It’s not as simple as a phone call or online bill pay. I explained these things to him. I do not feel like having to deal with “judge hardass”, tomorrow. I will make sure it gets done.

I’ve been consistently writing here since early Summertime. It’s different. I used to only write when I felt like it. I knew I needed an outlet, and I decided to try writing in my blog, again. It’s beyond helpful. Not only has it helped Adam, because I often share things with him so that he understands where I’m coming from. It helps me tremendously, too. I’m brutally honest in my writing. I don’t sugar coat things. Some days, there isn’t a whole lot for me to say. I just write what I’m feeling. I had told Adam, when I looked back, I feel like all I do is fuck up. I see progress, but I also see my failures. Too many of them! I think this is why he’s made a conscious effort to remind me that he sees the things I do right, and there’s more of those than either of us remember to give me credit for. I need to hear “‘atta’ girl” once in awhile, too. I can see that Adam is making an effort to give that to me. It isn’t only about punishing me when I screw up. It’s also praising the things I don’t screw up. Even when I do wrong, I appreciate having Adam recognize that I did right by coming to him and admitting it. He says that he knows I’m trying, and he sees improvement in these things he’s asked of me. He tells me that, if he didn’t think those things, he wouldn’t bother. I think it motivates me, at least as much, when he praises the good in me, as it does when he spanks me for the bad. I realize how much work it must be to walk in Adam’s shoes. Walking this line between being a “hardass” and standing firm when he needs to. I don’t really think he’s a hardass. I think he’s doing an excellent job of staying strong when it matters. That’s a good thing, even if my behind pays the price for it.

Shower Spankings

Yesterday morning, Adam’s day got started off on a bad note, and didn’t really get much better throughout the day. I was in a great mood, but I can tell when he’s grumpy at work, because he’s short with responses and much more quiet than usual. Jackie pays rent in the first of every month. She asked me if she could pay us her rent in two weeks, when she gets her next paycheck, because she had some unexpected things come up. I know better than to give her an answer to that question without talking to Adam first. I texted him about it. He called me. I got the “don’t make a habit of it or ask me again, but okay just this once” lecture, as if I was the one asking for a favor. I didn’t get an attitude with him or anything, though. He was late getting home, so it was after 8:00pm when he finally walked in the door here. I kept his supper warm. Adam has never, not once, walked into our home, after work, and brought his worries, frustrations, or troubles in with him. He is amazing about that.

Our son had been getting recruited by the wrestling coach. The coach asked him to come to a practice and then, last night, coach texted our son and asked him to join their team. The coach had already spoken to our son’s baseball coach and they’d worked out a schedule for him to do both. He was so proud and excited to tell his Dad! My son and I teased Adam about our plans to turn the house into a “Christmas wonderland” and we all laughed. Adam pretends to be a “Scrooge”, but it’s all an act. He loves that we all love Christmas time and he gets a kick out of pretending to be a buzzkill about it.

When it was time to get in our shower, Adam smacked my butt, as I was climbing in. I splashed some water on his face. He spanked me, again. I splashed, again. He spanked, again. I smacked his arm. He spanked me, again. I splashed him. He spanked me. This went on, no less than 20 rounds, before I couldn’t take it anymore. My behind was throbbing. Stubborn me hated to give in, but damn! Then, Adam asked me about something I had really hoped we wouldn’t have to discuss, right then. Earlier in the day, I had found out that some work we were having done here had run about 25% over budget. I had not mentioned it to Adam, because it didn’t seem like a good time to do that. He knew I’d spoken to someone about it, because we’d just had a conversation, the day before, when I’d mentioned calling to find out, since I hadn’t seen a bill, email, text, nothing yet. He asked me, “how much was it”? I blurted out the original estimate. He said, “$x? Thats it?” I said “wellllllll”. He tilted his head and gave me a look. I told him, “alright, so it was more like $y.” He pressed me on that, too. “Ok, so it’s really $y? There’s nothing else?” I looked down. I said, “ugh, alright. The final, real, total is $z”.

We both recognized that I had just attempted to “side step” something there. However, I pointed out, I did not follow through. I couldn’t just lie to him when he pressed me on it. I really didn’t want to discuss it last night, because I knew Adam already had a shitty day, and it was the last thing I wanted to dump on him. Adam turned off the shower, got out, handed me a towel, and put one around his own waist. I got out and wrapped my towel around myself. He took my face in his hands and held it so I was looking him in his eyes. He told me “I am so proud of how hard you’re working here, [Eve]. I know you’re trying and I understand that you didn’t want to tell me about this, tonight, but I still deserve to know what’s going on. This is why I have to punish you. I love you. I will always love you.” He kissed my lips, and then he went to the closet. He re-emerged, carrying a belt. I sat down, on the side of our bathtub. He let out a little laugh and told me, “Honey, you know that doesn’t work. C’mon. Let’s get this over with.” I shook my head slowly, while I stared into his eyes, silently pleading with him. He walked to me and gripped his hand around my arm so that he could stand me up, facing him. I, instinctively, wrapped my arms around his neck. I whimpered and buried my face into his chest when he lifted my towel that had been covering my bottom. He landed that belt straight across the center of my butt. It hurt. I jumped on him, climbing higher up his body, with my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms tightly held around his neck. He spanked me, once more. This time, he was much gentler. I slid down him, like he was a fireman pole, and sat down on the floor, holding onto his leg. He leaned down. I used my hands to “block” my behind. He assured me he wasn’t going to spank me again, and he helped me stand up. He told me again, how much he recognizes that I’m doing right. He wants me to know that he appreciates my efforts, but he still has to call me out, when I screw up. He mentioned that I was lucky he didn’t punish me for “side stepping”, which he felt he could’ve been justified in doing. He wanted me to know that he was proud of me for being honest, even if he did have to pry it out of me, at first.

When we were in bed, later, the subject of Christmas decor came up. He told me no buying anymore garland or anything like that without asking him, first. I said I’m not planning on it. Then, I giggled a little bit, because that was a prime example of how easy it is for me to “side step”. I wasn’t planning on it, but if I needed more, well…. I told him all of this, though. I promised I won’t do it. See, I am catching myself and my side stepping ways.

This morning, I don’t have one single mark leftover from the belt. I am covered in little black and blue “spots” all over my behind, from my stubborn refusal to give in and quit splashing or smacking Adam back, in the shower. I am legit sore as hell, too. I feel the ache.

Tis’ the Season

I had a lot of fun with my kids, yesterday! My first favorite song, when I was a little girl, was “Ghostbusters”. I played it while the kids were getting ready and danced around the kitchen singing it with them. Mj dressed as “Max” from the TV show “Stranger Things”. Our son dressed up as a baseball player. He’s obsessed with baseball, these days.

I swear, it was like a Hallmark channel movie, on our street, last night. This was our first Halloween in our new home. I loved it. Speaking of Hallmark movies…it is now, officially, November. My son asked me this morning, “Mama, do you know what time it is??” I replied, “6:19am?” He goes, “CHRISTMAS TIME!!!” Haha, my kid knows his mama. I absolutely love Christmas. I’m excited to decorate here in our new house this year, too. When I took the kids shopping for their last minute costume supplies, the stores had all the Christmas holiday stuff out. I started singing it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Somehow, my kids aren’t all that embarrassed by me, yet! My son had also found a scarecrow for me, while we were shopping. Our dog had chewed my old one up, last year. He asked me which one I liked and then he threw it in the buggy and assured me, if Dad says anything, He put it in there and I didn’t know a thing about it. I have great kids 😆

Adam was a little less “cold” toward Jackie, last night. He responded to her when she spoke to him. He didn’t look quite as angry or “hard”. Hopefully, time will heal this, too. Other than all that, things have been going great here. I believe in the magic of the Christmas season. I love the way everyone takes the time to be a little more courteous, more giving of themselves, kinder, generous, forgiving. I have faith. It’ll all work out.