Never Gonna Change

“Made a little money, I ain’t never gonna change
Still drinking Jim Beam, still wear them dirty jeans. Get up every morning, ’cause them bills don’t go anyway. Got something to say, then bubba say it to my face….Times change people change but not me My hands on my heart ’cause these colors don’t bleed…This is the land I love. You can’t take this from me. From the city to the country, everybody raised southern…”

~Seth Anthony

I am a very proud Tennessean. I know that it’s not for everyone. Not everybody who visits will agree. I just think this is an amazing place to raise my babies. I appreciate our culture, our community, our uniqueness. I’ve visited lots of other states. The only place that I would say is somewhat comparable, is Texas. My grandparents lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I had friends, Chuck and Amber, back in Texas. My brother is a huge Dallas Cowboys fan, because of our time spent there. They also had a vacation home, in Tucson, Arizona. My strongest memory of Arizona, is when I decided to touch one of the cactus they told me not to, and I had a whole bunch of needles stuck inside my hand. I was mad, because we didn’t get to go for the walk we were supposed to. My grandma spent forever pulling those tiny cactus needles from my hand. I spent a lot of time with them, when I was a kid. I loved spending time with them. We also vacationed in Colorado. I loved roaming the mountains, playing in the creek, and the crisp, cool air. Still, I’m a Tennessee girl. Nashville will always be the city I call home. Adam and I don’t even “technically” live in Nashville, anymore. When we moved, we left Davidson county. We’re in another “county”, now. I do love it here, too. Adam’s wanted to live here for years. We have great neighbors and community. When I drive through Nashville, and see the same skyline I’m so tied to, I feel nostalgia, though. I wouldn’t want to leave my state.

I lived where my mother moved to, for awhile. She’s in the Midwest. It isn’t a bad place, but it doesn’t feel like home. I met Adam in the Midwest. He played football and went to college there. We actually lived there together, for awhile. I longed for Tennessee, though. He knew this. Every time we came to visit, I cried when we had to leave. He promised me we would move down here. He kept his promise. My babies are Tennessee babies, because Adam honored his word, and I’m so grateful. They love to go visit his Mom, in the Midwest, but they know the same love that I have for this place. It’s all they know. They have my accent. They have these roots. My family, “my people”, are all here. This is home.

My dad is going to make supper for all of us, on Saturday evening. I love him so much. Sometimes, when I think too much, I consider what life will be like, when I don’t have all of “my people” here. It scares the hell out of me. Adam has this friend from work. He was in a car accident, a couple nights ago. They did an MRI, and discovered he had terminal cancer. He had no idea. It’s spread into his brain. They don’t anticipate he will ever even leave the hospital now. I can’t imagine! Life is so unpredictable. It’s cruel! We can’t always wait for “someday”. There’s never any guarantee there’ll be a tomorrow. I never say “goodbye”. I tell my family and friends, see ya, when I leave, or hang up the phone. It’s always love you, see ya. Goodbye is just too permanent a word, for me. I won’t say it. I’ve rubbed off on Adam, to the point, he says it to people, too.

I didn’t have a plan, for where this writing was going. I just started it, and this is where I’ve ended up. It’s been a good day. It felt so cold. I needed to warm up. So, the kids and I baked cookies. Adam made it home safe from work. The kids have a 2 hour late start, tomorrow, but it appears they’ll be going to school.