One More Day

Last night was a much better one. I made sloppy joes/nachos, for supper. Justin came over. Adam and Justin sat in the living room, while Jackie and I hung out in the kitchen. Jackie moves out tomorrow. I’m a mixture of emotions. I’m so very happy for her. I’m excited to have our downstairs space to decorate and arrange myself. I’m also sad I won’t have Jackie here, drinking coffee in the mornings with me. She won’t sit with us every night, at the supper table. We won’t have her just right downstairs, anymore. We’re going to find our “new normal”, and it’ll be great. I’m sure of that. After all, we gained another amazing friend, in Justin. I couldn’t have hand picked a better match for Jackie.

It was a nicer than expected, today. It warmed up into the low 70’s, and the sun made an appearance all afternoon. It was supposed to be cloudy all day, so that was a nice surprise. I got the kids bedding washed and hung out to dry. I finished washing, drying, folding, and putting away the last of our laundry. I swept and mopped. The house smells so good!

I’m making spaghetti, and garlic sticks, for supper. I’m using one pound of ground pork, and 2 pounds of ground beef. I absolutely love Adam’s mom’s spaghetti. She always has much more meat in her sauce than I do. So, I decided to try something new, and maybe replicate her delicious spaghetti meat sauce. As I was filling out Jackie’s new recipe book, with recipes she’s requested from me, I was reminded of my cheeseburger soup. I haven’t made it in a good while, but it’s so yummy! I’m going to share that one on here, too. It’s not quite as simple as a lot of things I share, but it isn’t too difficult.

My brother is flying to attend his friend Jason’s funeral, tomorrow. I’ve talked with my brother some, but he’s not much of a talker. I just wanted to let him know I’m here, I’m so sorry, and I love him. Our lives are so damn fragile. None of us know when our last day might be. Adam and I came up on a car that had been completely wrapped around a tree, on our way to Kansas. The accident had just happened. Emergency services were only beginning to arrive. It was apparent, the driver almost certainly did not survive. I thought about how there was someone, somewhere, minding their own business. That person was about to receive a phone call that would forever alter the course of their life, and probably many others. We said a prayer for those people. People we would never meet, but knew would be suffering nonetheless.

I always say, we should live our lives out like our dogs do. They wake up everyday, excited to see us. They take in every moment. They enjoy the little things. They’re happy to run and play, if we want to. Or, they’re glad to lay and snuggle, if that’s what we need. I think it’s important to appreciate the people who matter to us. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Contemplating my own life and death is both comforting and terrifying, to me. I believe very much in an afterlife. I also absolutely do not feel ready for this one to be over. I don’t want to leave my people, yet. I have had the conversation with Adam. The “what if” talk. I told him, I do not expect him to live out the rest of his life alone, if I’m not here. My only demand, is that you are always allowed to love me, too. That our babies would still know their mama loved them, and who I was. And, equally importantly to me, that Adam’s headstone is placed right next to mine. I don’t want to be alone. He’s the love of my life. I’ve teased that, if he gets buried next to some other bitch, I will haunt his ass! As I’ve mentioned, I’m a planner. These conversations aren’t easy to have, but it comforts me. I need to know that the things I care most about are clearly known, because I understand I’m not guaranteed tomorrow. I hope and plan for a whole bunch more tomorrows, though! Life just has a way of reminding me to be grateful for each of them, when I need to be.