I once saw a quote that read “If you want your husband to lead, you have to step down and allow him to.” This might not have been applicable 50 years ago, but it certainly is now. What was once expected of men and marriage, seems to be the exception to the rule now. I am certainly all for women’s rights. I vote. I think women should be free to choose how they want to live their lives. I know that there are plenty of men and women who would never even consider a husband as the Head of Household (HoH). They are partners, equals. I used to feel exactly that way, too.
I absolutely believe that my husband and I are of equal value. We are both intelligent people with our own unique strengths and abilities. I married a man who recognizes all of the ways that I contribute to our family and relationship. He appreciates me for all of me. He also knows my flaws. He has learned when to encourage me, when to help me, and when to do it for me. He knows these things because I’ve trusted him enough to step aside and let him lead. I suppose he could have forced me to submit to his will had he been a violent and cruel man, but he’s not those things, and most men aren’t either. I truly believe that there are many (maybe most) men among us who are aching to feel worthy of the woman they love’s trust in their ability to lead well. I also believe there are many women who are silently begging their man to step up and be a good leader. I can’t tell you the weight off my shoulders knowing that my husband has got us.
My challenge to other women is to simply give him a chance. If you disagree about how to handle a problem, where to go on vacation, whether to save or spend that unexpected bonus money, take a deep breath and let him lead, just this once. I can almost promise you the world will not come to an end. You surely married a competent and loving man? Even IF it turns out your way was the better option, watch how your husband responds to being validated in that moment when his wife actually trusted him to get it right. I am NOT a perfect example of submission, not even close. I fail to bite my tongue more often than I’m prepared to admit here. The thing is, I can count the number of times my husband’s way turned out bad on TWO fingers. Yep, two. That’s all. And, when he realized he’d made the wrong choice, let me tell you, he did everything in his power to make it right. We’re still here. We have a beautiful home, happy and healthy kids. We’re not rich, but I don’t have to worry about how we’re going to pay the electric bill or anything like that. I’m so proud of Adam’s ability to steer us in the right direction. I’ve seen him make countless selfless decisions for the good of his family. I’ve convinced him that my way was the best choice, and been completely and utterly wrong. Adam never blamed me or held that over my head. If we end up in a tough spot, whether it’s my doing or his, Adam carries that weight without hesitation, anger, or blame. He takes his leadership responsibilities very seriously. He doesn’t abuse his authority. He knows the authority he has over us is because I’ve freely and willingly submitted to him. He could be a tyrant and make all these choices without bothering to involve me, but he’d never do that because he has a love and mutual respect for me. I know he would give up all of his worldly possessions to get me something I needed if that’s what it took. You see, when I choose to submit to his leadership, his devotion to me and his commitment to what’s best for ME actually grows. If I nagged him for every choice, mistake, or insisted we always do it my way, his confidence would crumble. How could he ever do right by us if I never gave him the opportunity? How could he “prove” his love for me if I refused to trust him to have my best interests at heart? I’m not suggesting wives shouldn’t have opinions or share them! I’m simply asking that you consider stepping down, even just this once, and see how your husband leads. You might even find, like I did, that your faith in your husband grows as his enthusiasm to provide and protect you will. You, dear wives, have the amazing ability to inspire your husband to do everything possible to make your life better, if you simply allow him to step up to the plate and prove himself ❤️