…like coffee needs a cup, you know that it ain’t much good without it. We were meant to be together. No doubt about it. This old Neal McCoy song, is Adam and my “song”. We had our first dance together, as a married couple, to this song.
My daughter went with me on a few errands, the other day. She told me about a dream she had, the night before. She said she dreamed that her daddy cheated on mama and her and her brother were “beating him up”. She told me, “I know daddy would never do that to you. I don’t know why I dreamed that?” I assured her that her daddy and I aren’t going anywhere. She said, “y’all are meant for each other”.
So many of the people close to my babies have divorced parents. I can only think of one friend Mj has, who’s parents are still together. Adam’s dad passed away before the kids had a chance to know him. My parents are divorced. Jackie doesn’t have her parents. Jackie is divorced, but she isn’t a parent. My sister’s husband’s parents are divorced. Most all of my kids’ friends split their time between their mom and dad’s houses. That poor baby is so afraid that’ll happen to her one day. Adam and I are both committed to making sure that never happens, though. I will fight like hell to never have my babies have to come from a “broken” family. I told my daughter yesterday, that tree we buried her rats under, it’s a young tree. It’s going to grow up and the circle of life will make it so that her pets become part of that tree. One day, she’ll come home, with her babies, and they’ll stand under the shade of that tree. I pray my kids are able to come home to their mom and dad, for a long, long time.
Having said all that, I’m frustrated with Adam, today. We have a couple of different pest control companies we’ve hired. One of them is just for termite protection. The other one, is for keeping things like spiders, fleas, mosquitos, etc. out of the house. The termite company has been amazing. The other one, beyond annoying. I regret that I signed a year long contract with them. They were supposed to be coming out 5 times per year. IF we still had any issues, between scheduled visits, they’d come out free of charge. I hired them in August. They have been here 3 times, already. Each time, we’ve been charged. I never even requested they come out for any of those. I got a text, a couple weeks ago, saying they were scheduled to come by again. We haven’t had issues with bugs or anything. I told them, NO. I’m not going to have them come out, for the fourth time in 3 months, and then turn around and charge me another $129! I got another text, today. He asked me when is a good time to reschedule? I explained all of this to him. They’re coming in December now. I got it worked out. I told Adam about all of this, this morning. Then, he asked me why I hadn’t said anything to him before today. I told him, I had it under control. I handled it! I felt proud of myself for standing my ground with those guys! Adam feels like I should’ve told him, when this all started to become an issue, weeks ago. I didn’t think it was necessary to dump stupid crap like this on him, especially with the stress he’s got due to end of the year stuff at work. I knew I could figure it out, and I did. I assured him, if it had become a problem that I couldn’t solve myself, I’d have come to him. I would have! He insists that he’s repeatedly asked me to keep him updated and involved in all financial matters. I get that, but this wasn’t a bill! I don’t know. Unless I can talk my way out of it, before he gets home, he’s going to spank me tonight. I think that’s excessive, though. I handled the bullshit myself. I’m capable of dealing with things, too. I love Adam so much, but he can sure drive me crazy, sometimes. I’m struggling not to send a string of angry text messages to him, right now.
Also, it’s absolutely freezing cold here, today! It’s dreary and wet and cold. I need some sunshine. Lord, please help me not to lose my shit.
6 thoughts on “No Doubt About It”
In your writing, you respond defensively to Adam’s wanting to have known sooner… I don’t think your problem is in not telling him weeks ago. I mean, you can’t read his mind and I don’t think he means to punish you for something you didn’t know he would care about.
I wonder if your defensive response was the bigger issue- if he might have let it all go if you’d just said, genuinely, “I’m sorry. It never occurred to me, but I see now why it’s something you would want to know about. I’ll share these kinds of things with you in the future.”
Because I think he’s actually trying to address your response, which communicates to him, “You’re wrong. I’m doing it my way. I was right this time, and I’ll be right next time.” At least, I think that’s how he’s perceiving it.
When you try to defend yourself and your actions I think you end up building Adam’s case.
Fundamentally I wonder if it’s a trust thing… you desperately need to know he still loves you and that things are okay… I wonder what would happen if you only expressed your feelings and fears to Adam instead of your self-defense. Trust him, he’s got you. Just say I’m scared, I’m feeling vulnerable, I’m ashamed and I don’t want to feel ashamed anymore.” He can probably walk with you through those emotions better if he isn’t constantly having to reaffirm his boundaries…
Though I’m saying all of this without having been there or ever witnessing your interactions. I don’t actually know what I’m talking about.
I do know I have deep respect for you as a person 🙂
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This was one of the most insightful comments!!! You’re right on. I showed Adam what you’d written, and he thought it was extremely accurate, too. Thank you so much, for leaving such kind words here ❤️
If Adam said keep him informed about all financial matters then keep him informed. That is basic wifely submission. I am sure you can handle a lot of things but disobedience is something to be avoided. Save your backside a lot of misery and obey your husband. He has every right (and responsibility)
to know. It is not up to you to decide what financial matters to share with him no matter how much you want to protect him. Learn from the spanking and change your ways in this matter. I’ve had to spank my wife so many times for disobedience I can’t begin to count them. Eventually she learned. Please don’t take years to learn. It’s not good for your husband, for you, or for your marriage to disobey.
Thanx a lot for sharing your thoughts about divorce and your extended family. A great post!
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You are absolutely right. I was a total brat about all of it.
Eve, hold yourself together, I think Adam just wants to show you his support by helping you solve problems, not that he thinks you can’t do it on your own, he knows you can but maybe he wants to be involved to show you his commitment to you and the family. Sorry for the cold and dreary weather, I’ll send you some warmth and sun form Az, we got plenty. Keep doing the right things and your love for each other and your kiddies will always shine forth. Sir
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It’s finally sunny here, today! Thanks for sending some my way 😉 You are right, though. Adam just wants me to involve him. He doesn’t want me to carry ANY worries by myself. I get that.