There’s More to Me

I started this blog intending to discuss things like marriage, my husband, myself, discipline within our relationship…It’s evolved. Maybe I’ve evolved, too? We have a life, in between the bullshit. I’m not always in trouble with Adam. I’m actually a pretty decent wife and mama, most days. I have a lot of things to talk about. I enjoy writing about the more “mundane” parts of life, as much as I do the “dramatic” parts. I prefer the “mundane”, if I’m honest. It really isn’t typical for Adam to be frustrated, or angry, with me. He’s actually pretty happy, most days. I’m a wife and a mama first, but I’m also a lot of other things! In fact, I’m downright interesting, if I do say so myself! I’ve lived long enough to have some advice and wisdom to give. I’m still young enough to have things to learn. I wonder if that’s how I’ll feel 20 years from now, too?

I’m at this point in life, where I want to both give advice, and receive it. I am happy. I truly do think these memories I’m making, the ones I’m writing about now, are ones that I’ll look back on as the best time of my life. I think this is why I’ve made the shift to writing about the “boring”, too. It matters. It’s real. “Boring”, to me, is the very best. I am so content to have days where no chaos gets thrown in. Shit happens, but I really do love it when there’s no crazy in my day. I do more right than I do wrong. I show Adam love and respect much more than I don’t. I’m joyful much more than I’m sad. That’s the real of it all. I’m not making shit up. I’m not “stirring the pot”, so that I can create new drama. I don’t look for that! I am just trying my very best to be my very best self. The best wife I can be. The best mama I can be. The best friend I can be. The best daughter, sister, neighbor, and acquaintance. That’s what my goal is! I want to be my very best self.

I think this is why I appreciate the way Adam and I handle our issues. I love that they get resolved in predictable ways. I need it. I always know that troubles are temporary. I can be assured that, no matter what, Adam’s still here for me. I flourish in this knowledge. I’m sillier. I’m happier. I’m more confident. I’m brave. I’m more creative. I’m just plain happy. I am the first to admit, I probably have some abandonment issues, because of my mother. I’m afraid that the people I love and trust the most, will leave me, if I’m not good enough. That’s something I have to be aware of, and work on overcoming. I have to really trust that Adam isn’t going anywhere. I have to believe that he will still be here, even when I’ve seriously screwed up. I am still growing and learning. When he is consistent, and he continues to show me love, regardless of whether I’ve “earned” it, that trust grows. I both need to know he will call me out on my bullshit, and that he won’t abandon me for it. I can’t describe how much it means to me knowing that he loves me enough to make sure that I am assured of these things. I don’t want to fuck up. I also know I will. When Adam shows me that he won’t tolerate it, OR leave me for it, that’s the very thing that makes me confident that he’s got me. I’m never alone.

Mostly, I’m pretty good, though. Mostly. This is why my blog is filled with the everyday of my life. It matters to my family, and to me, and to be truthful, that’s all that motivates me.