We had such a great weekend! Our friends stayed here. Mj’s best friend was here until this afternoon, when I took her back home.
Adam’s been teasing me the last couple of days. He’ll come by and tell me I need a spanking, and then slap my ass a time or two. It doesn’t hurt. He isn’t really serious. Just playing around. I told him, I think he’s getting withdrawals because I’ve been so good! I have really tried hard to lean into all of the happy, the last few weeks. I want to make awesome memories with my people. I want to soak in all of the moments. I think this mindset has also helped me to stay honest and respectful, to Adam. It’s kept me grounded in the things and people who matter most to me. I haven’t had a bad attitude. I’ve embraced the good, and I’ve refused to allow any of the hard stuff “in”. I’m very stubborn. I don’t like to let people hurt me. I get angry with myself, when I have given someone that power. Someone who’s desire was to do exactly what they’ve done…hurt me. The real of it is, my mother has been creating some chaos, recently. I’ve just refused to acknowledge it. Not right now, anyway. I’m realizing that, I act out when I’m feeling overwhelmed, or insecure. Those times when I’m doubting myself, or the people who love me, that’s when I find myself almost “rebellious”. Like, I’m pushing back against my husband, because I need to know that he’s still here for me. I love him so much, and yet I will build walls, just to make sure he’ll crash through them, so he can get back to me. I don’t necessarily do this with conscious intent. It seems to be a pattern I’ve picked up on, though.
For now, today, I’m feeling good. I’m content. What a wonderful way to begin 2023!
3 thoughts on “Content”
It’s so good that you are choosing to really be in the present. It sounds like that for the time being your mother is best not to be part of your time now. It might change in the future but it sounds like she needs to do a lot of work on herself before she can be in a relationship with you. The great thing about being an adult is being able to create our own families. You have so much love in your life, as you say lean into the happy!!!!
Great to see you had a awesome New Year. I think this year is going to be a good one for everyone 🤞
Eve, just keep on believing in yourself and Adam’s love for you and the love of your kiddies, all will be right. You have come a long way, believe in yourself for you ARE a good and righteous person.