May Madness

These last weeks of school are always super busy. Award ceremonies, baseball games, field day, concerts, and end of year testing. This evening, Mj has a choir concert. Wyatt brought home information about a wrestling camp he wants to go to, this summer. It’s a 2 week long camp, like 700 miles away from here. I’m struggling with letting my boy leave for so long, so far from home. I’ve never spent more than a couple days without my kids. He really wants to go, though. It’s not easy letting them “spread their wings”, and begin to take trips from our “nest”.

Adam’s grandma is in her last days of life. We got the phone call that she’d been transferred to the hospital, on Saturday. Today, Adam’s mom told me his grandma is no longer responding to them. Although it’s incredibly difficult to say goodbye, she’s had a long and beautiful life. I’m so sure she’s excited to see her husband and son (Adam’s dad), again. Both life and death are challenges we all have to navigate. It seems, the older we get, the more often we’re faced with these harsh realities. I like to think of death as a new beginning. Not an end, but the start of something new and great. A day in Heaven is like 1000 years on earth, so none of us have to wait for long, to see our loved ones again. That has always comforted me.

When I was having issues with my period and my lady parts, Adam was concerned. He so fears cancer, in those he loves. He watched both his dad, and his best friend lose their battles with cancer, way before it should’ve been their time to leave us. I wasn’t really worried that anything like that was going on, with me. I was more afraid my body was beginning to go through menopause. Although I should be at least a decade from those changes beginning in me, it is possible. I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to stop being me. I have such a deep fear, that I could become my mother. I told Adam, I don’t ever want to not want to have sex with you! Symptoms of “the change”, include lower sex drive. Adam held my face in his hands, lifted me so that I was looking into his eyes, and assured me that he would never have sex again, as long as he had me here, with him. I don’t imagine I’ll ever forget that moment, with him, and how loved he made me feel. Mercifully, my hormones are all great, and I just need some extra vitamins. I should be back on track, very soon. No menopause. No cancer. Nothing to stress out about. Me and my people are all healthy and happy. Adam’s grandma is going through a natural part of life, death. I’m grateful she’s not in any pain, and she’s lived out such a full life. She’s surrounded by people who love her. She’s got prayers being poured out for her. I hope that is how my own story goes. Not anytime soon, but one day, when it’s that time in my life.

I’m going to embrace this chaos that is the end of the school year, and soak in all of the memories. I’m going to make a conscious effort to remember to enjoy all of it. To be grateful. To appreciate everyday that I get to spend with these people who make my life so beautifully blessed.