Got a gun that my granddad gave me
They say one day they’re gonna round up
Well, that shit might fly in the city, good luck

Try that in a small town
See how far ya make it down the road
Around here, we take care of our own
You cross that line, it won’t take long
For you to find out, I recommend you don’t
Try that in a small town

~Jason Aldean

This song has become very controversial, here in America, since the release of the music video. None of my black friends have felt this was made to express any discrimination, though. It really is more of a culture thing. By culture, I only mean where you grow up. Being brought up in some parts of the country, you are raised in different ways. That creates variation in how folks view lots of issues. Most everyone can agree, there are common issues, we all look to find solutions for. Most of our disagreement, is in how we should go about doing that. Gun violence is a problem. Nobody wants to worry about sending their children to school, going to church, or to the mall. I’m not going to preach my own beliefs, on right and wrong ways to make us safer. It is a shared concern, though. Most of us also can relate to the love and support people have for their towns and cities. For our community. When you grow up going to a school your parents attended, being taught by some of their old teachers, it’s something special. Everyone goes to a local ice cream place, after Friday night football games. A shop that’s ran by generations of family, who’ve worked to make their small business succeed. A place where your neighbors all know who you are. The cops weren’t called, when we got busted having a party in someone’s field. Our parents were, and that was way more terrifying, as a kid! I realize, there are many different places to grow up in. Not every person has those same memories. I think most of us look at where we’re from, and have a deep appreciation for it, though. To me, that’s what Jason’s song meant. Don’t threaten my community. We care about one another. That, to me, should be something all people, of all backgrounds, can relate to? Maybe I’m just biased, because of my own upbringing? I share the sentiment, about looking after my town, and the people who live in it.

Last night, I made the supper Mikayla requested. She’d asked for meatloaf, mashed potatoes with brown gravy, and my lemon pepper green beans. She didn’t get home, until after 8:00pm. So, we didn’t eat supper until much later than usual. She’s either practicing color guard, hanging out with her friends, or at work, most everyday, and into the evenings. Wyatt and Mj are just hanging out at home, with me. Wyatt went through his clothes, and we got a big bag of them to donate. He organized his closet, and folded all of his clean clothes nicely. He cleaned his room up, real good! Now it’s Mj’s turn. I’m going to help her go through her dresser drawers, and closet. We’ll start packing, for our trip, too. Mikayla is staying home, while we go to Kansas. She’s got a camp to go to, and didn’t want to miss work. Kansas is pretty boring, for her, anyhow. I’ll miss her. Her and I really do talk everyday. She tells me most everything. We don’t keep secrets. I can’t say that I did everything right, in raising her, but she turned out pretty damn great. I like to think I’ve done more right, than wrong. She’s told me, she would like to change her last name, after she turned 18. She wants to surprise Adam, and take his last name. I never suggested anything like that. She came up with that idea, all on her own. I support her, whatever she decides to do. She has a relationship with my ex (her bio dad’s) parents. They’re elderly, but they’re good people. Even when her dad wasn’t participating in her life, I always allowed them to. She spent some weekends, with them. They were invited to her school events, and birthday parties. Mikayla sent me a text, late last night, that said SOS. That’s our code. It means, call me. She was up in her bedroom, so I just ran up there. She was on the phone, and gave me a look that told me exactly what I needed to do. So, I called her phone, from my own, while I stood just outside of her room. I heard her excuse herself from the phone call she’d been on. She opened her door, and had great big tears in her eyes. She told me she’d asked her dad about how his trip in Germany was, and for some reason, that angered him. She said he’d yelled at her, because his girlfriend recently broke up with him, and he blames Mikayla for this. His girlfriend was cruel to Mikayla. Mikayla had chosen not to speak to, or visit, her father, for the majority of the last few years. They’d established a somewhat stable relationship, when Mikayla was around ten years old. Unfortunately, that was short lived. Her father had also completely neglected (or forgotten?) to wish her a Happy 18th Birthday. My heart breaks for her. It’s literal torture, seeing my sweet girl feel so unwanted, by someone who should think she’s the greatest thing to ever exist. Well, Adam and I see her. Things, like what happened last night, absolutely piss Adam off. If my ex was close by, I’d be afraid of what Adam might do. It makes me angry, but mostly sad. I hurt for Mikayla. There are many examples of situations like this, I could share. That’s not an isolated event, with her father. He’s a selfish, narcissistic (and I don’t say that lightly), bully. I honestly don’t think he’s capable of loving anyone, in any real sense. People are commodities. They’re tools to be used, to get him where he wants to go. To make an already long story short, this is one of the reasons why Mikayla has chosen to refer to Adam as “Dad”. Why she’s longed to share his family name. I’m so grateful to have been able to give her a man who has treated her like a daddy should treat his daughter. I’m so thankful for my husband. He never shows any favoritism, with our kids. He has one of the kindest hearts of anyone I’ve ever known. ❤️

I suppose I’ll go try to motivate Mj to get to work on her bedroom organization project.

Southern Belle statue
Standin’ in the screen door
Watchin’ her whole world
Head for an old Ford
With a man that can’t look her in the eye

Then I run, to him
Big hug, jump in
And I cry for her
Out the window

Some mommas and daddies
Are lovin’ in a straight line
Take forever to heart
And take a long sweet ride
But some mommas and daddies
Let their heart strings tear and tangle
And some of us get stuck
In a love triangle

I have another secret to reveal. It’s not something that Adam, or anyone in my life, isn’t aware of. It’s actually a beautiful “secret”, I can finally share in my blog now. I have another child. A daughter. She is the product of the boy I left home with, as a teenager. I think I did love him, for awhile. I also clung onto that flawed relationship, because it took me away from my mother. That relationship ended, when I found the courage to leave. It was not a healthy place. It was hard, but I got myself a little two story townhouse, and I made it work, by myself. I had to. My baby, I’m finally writing about now, turned 18 years old, today. She was three and a half years old, when Adam came into our lives. He’s helped me to raise her. He’s loved her like his own. She loves him, too. Her and Adam are very close! He taught her to drive. He’s done all the “dad” things, with her. She does know her biological father. They have a long distance relationship. She talks to him, on the phone some. She visits him, sometimes. Her name is Mikayla. Mikayla is beautiful, incredibly talented, in all AP classes, and still too smart for those. She has gotten straight A’s forever. She’s a hard worker. She’s dedicated to everything she puts her mind to. She will be a Senior, in high school, this year. She wants to be an aerospace engineer. Her dream college is Georgia Tech. My baby is nearly grown.

She wrote Adam and I the sweetest letter! We got her a new stereo, for her little Chevy car. She’ll have something that plays good tunes, and has a backup camera now! I can’t describe just how amazing this kid is. We’ve literally never had to punish her. She’s never raised her voice to us. She’s never disobeyed. She’s earned our trust, and we give her all the benefits that brings. She stayed over at Justin and Jackie’s place, this last weekend.

I have chosen not to include her in this blog, until now, for a reason. This is my personal outlet. Because I’m unwilling to ever risk having to share my writing with lawyers, judges, or especially my ex, I’ve kept Mikayla out of this. No pictures. No mention of her name. I’ve written about her, as “my daughter”, before. Since we have Mj, it could easily be assumed that was who I was talking about. I haven’t had social media, for this very same reason (among others). Legally, anything I post on the internet, that included my daughter, would’ve been open to speculation, had my ex decided to pursue that option, and go to court. Although that hasn’t happened, I chose never to take that gamble. I needed to be able to write, without fear of having my thoughts and feelings violated by someone who has caused me so much pain already. I couldn’t do that. So, now I’m able to include another big piece of my life here. Mikayla has become one of my very best friends. Everyone around us comments on how close we are. I suppose we “grew up” together, in some ways.

Mj had a friend stay the night, last night. Adam and I brought Mj, her friend, and Wyatt over to a local food truck, to get supper. We also stopped by Justin and Jackie’s house, so Mj could feed and check on their kitty (Oakley). After we’d gotten our food, we came home, and ate our supper. Then, the kids went downstairs, to put a movie on TV. Adam and I set our cornhole boards up. We played some rounds, most all of which I won 😉 Jackie and Justin called, over FaceTime. We talked with them, and Justin’s parents, for a long time. It looked and sounded like they’re having a blast, in Wyoming! It was such a great evening, hanging out back.

This morning, I went to turn over, and I cried out. I’d been sleeping on Adam’s chest, apparently for the entire night. Somehow, my neck and shoulders seem to have gotten “stuck”, from that. All day long, I’m still stiff and sore. Adam rubbed some cream on my shoulders. He’s massaged them, a few times. I’ve sat with a heat pad. I’ve tried ice. I’ve taken Tylenol. Although it seems to be better than it was when I woke up, I’m still so stiff and sore! What the hell?! Am I getting old? Is this what happens? Adam’s been so sweet. After we finished supper, he took the kids. They went to take care of Jackie’s cat, and then to get ice cream. Adam knows my favorite. Reeces peanut butter cups. He’s bringing home a “Sonic blast”, with Reeces peanut butter cups in it, for me. Although I’m frustrated to be feeling so stiff and sore today, it’s been a beautiful weekend. I’ve had a great time, hanging out with Adam and our babies. ❤️

~Shania Twain

I woke up at 3:30am, Friday morning. My alarm was set for 3:34, but I actually woke up just before it had a chance to go off. I have always had a “thing”, about setting alarms for random times. If I need to be up at 5:00, I’ll set it for 4:59, or 5:01. It drives Jackie crazy that I do that! 😆

I made myself some coffee, and headed over to Justin and Jackie’s place. We loaded their bags in my car, and headed toward the airport. Jackie had to grab a quick picture, or her and I, right before they went inside. I looked a mess! No makeup on, my hair was not done, and I had my glasses on. Even so, I’m always glad for her picture memories.

Adam had left, for work, just a few minutes before I got back home. It was only 5:00am, and I’d intended to go back to sleep for awhile, but I was wide awake. Instead, I made myself some more coffee, and watched the sun rise over my backyard. I wound up getting a whole lot of housework done, yesterday. I cleaned all the floors, bathrooms, kitchen, and Adam and my bedroom. I dusted around the ceilings of every room, and down into the garage. I swept the garage steps. My sister came by, with Pj, for awhile. I chatted with her, and played with the baby. After they’d gone, I took Mj over to Justin and Jackie’s place. She’s been “hired” to look after their cat, Oakley. She cleans the litter box, refills the food and water bowls, and spends a little time loving on Oaks. They’d set up a “scavenger hunt”, for Mj. There’s a separate envelope, with a card inside, for everyday they’re gone. Mj is to open one, each day. She follows their clue, to find money they’d hidden somewhere. I thought that was the sweetest idea! Jackie is so creative!

I took Mj to a convenience store, where she spent most of her first $5 on treats. Last night, her brother and her played online games, in the upstairs office area, and ate her newly purchased snacks. Adam and I sat in the basement, and watched old episodes of the “Roseanne” show. The first season is my very favorite. After the third season, I never thought it was as good. Those first few, though, they’re iconic! It was a lot of fun, just snuggling my husband, while we laughed as we watched one of my favorite TV shows. Adam was getting sleepy, but I was still wide awake. Around 11:30pm, we compromised. I told him I’d go to bed, once the episode we were watching was over. I turned the TV off, as Adam began to shut off the lights. We went upstairs, and turned off all the lights on the main floor. Then, we went upstairs, to the kids bedrooms, and told them good night. Oliver went straight into his kennel. He was ready for bed, too. Diesel hopped up on our bed. We brushed our teeth, and I changed into one of Adam’s t-shirts. When we finally got settled, in our bed, I asked Adam if he was sleepy. He said that he was, but that he wanted his wife. He kissed and made love to me in such a passionate way. He’s been doing this, all week. It’s a hard thing to describe, in words. But, anytime his hands touch my body, I can literally feel this deep, pure love, radiating from him. I’ve never really doubted his love for me. It’s almost like he’s just expressing his desire for connection, and making absolutely certain that I know it. I have never been loved the way he loves me. I know I’ve got a lot of family and friends, who also love and care for me. The bond Adam and I share, is one that can’t exist anywhere outside of the two of us.

I spoke to Adam’s mom, about what’s going on here. I explained, it’s probably nothing to get worked up about. I don’t want her to worry, about me. I asked her to please check in, with Adam. I worry, about him. He’s lost several very close people, to cancer. I know how tough he is, and how good he can be, at holding in his own pain. I need to know that he has someone who’s there for him, too. His mom is seriously the best mother in law, ever! We talked, for well over an hour. She thanked me, for telling her all of this. She, like everyone, asked me to keep her posted. I asked her, to help me make sure Adam is okay. He’s not going to share his worries, or emotions, with me. Not right now. So, I know he will appreciate having his mom available, if he needs to “vent”. I love him, so much. I appreciate him. I respect him. I want to be a place he can always come to, when he’s needing someone. The same as he always is, for me. Adam’s my safe place. Nothing bad is going to happen, when I’ve got him. I might not be as big and tough, as he is, but I do feel that same devotion, toward him. Nobody will get away with messing with my man, as long as I’m around!

Both of my boys just came inside, from cutting the grass. They did a great job. I’m going to go hop in the shower, with my husband.

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

~The Goo Goo Dolls

I had my first appointment, with my regular doctor, this afternoon. Jackie came with me. She documents everything, in pictures, and I love that about her! I hadn’t mentioned this lump to my doctor, before. He’d scheduled me for a mammogram, because my family history and age meant it was a good time to do one. He’d told me, it’s a good thing to get a baseline, while you’re still younger-ish, and go from there. Of course, I hadn’t actually gone and done this mammogram. When I explained all of this, my doctor said, “Of course not.” and he smiled at me. He is also keenly aware of my reluctance to follow through with medical shit, when it’s about me. He had me put one of those super sexy paper gowns on, and examined me. He says that this lump is “asymmetrical”. That’s not the best news. He sent an order for me to go get the mammogram, as well as an ultrasound of it. They’ll be calling me, within 48 hours, to schedule those things. My doctor insisted, there’s so much that can be done right now, and it’s still early. He told me, if it’s something, they can cut it out, and I go on with my life. That’s it. If I wait until it gets bad, he says, “You don’t want to wait until you have to go make all your hair fall out, and wear pink for the rest of your life.” That made me laugh! I love his sense of humor, and he knows I get it. After he handed me the paperwork, he looked at Jackie, and he asked her to make sure I get this done. She told him she absolutely will, and she’d already promised Adam she would!

The weather was real stormy, when we left. There were both metaphorical, and literal clouds, hanging over us. However, as we drove toward home, the sky got brighter. The rain ended. By the time we got to my house, the sun was shining again.

Justin and Jackie are eating supper here, tonight. We’re all going to hang out. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be picking them up. We leave here, at 4:00am, for the airport. They’re going on their trip to Justin’s hometown. I’m excited for Jackie to meet his family! They seem incredibly sweet. Adam, the kids, and I leave for our own trip, the same day they’ll get back home from theirs. So, it’ll be two whole weeks, before we see each other again.

They’re on their way here, now. I don’t have a whole lot else to say, anyway. This is my update. I still think it could be there’s nothing to worry so much about. Adam will be home any minute. He’s going to run to the store with me, so I can talk to him about everything the doctor said. Then, we’re fixing my “famous” hot ham and cheese Hawaiian sandwiches. We’re going to have a fun evening, with our people. ❤️

Come on baby, make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don’t feel like it should
You make it hurt so good

~John Mellencamp

On Sunday afternoon, I was sitting on the couch, in our basement, watching TV. Adam came downstairs. He sat next to me, and pulled me close to him. He talked about how he never wants me to keep things from him. He felt awful, I’d been going through this alone. He wants to be here for me. He can’t do that, if I don’t let him “in”. He showed me understanding, about why I hadn’t opened up, until now. He knows me. He’s well aware of all my “quirks”. We’ve had situations, in the past, when I’ve kept something from him. Those times have all ended horribly. I remember, years ago, he told me something. He explained, when I don’t tell him important things, it’s like we’re driving toward a cliff, that only I can see coming. It hurts him, that I could neglect to tell him we need to slow down, or turn around. We’ve both used the “car analogy”, before. I’ve explained, to him, that just because I’m in the passenger seat, I’m also on this journey. I have a right to look at “the map”, and make suggestions. He’s right, to point out when I’m going through anything that could change the road we’ve mapped out, he deserves to know about it. He always wants to be “steering” us in the right direction. He takes his position seriously. With all my heart and soul, I believe that. He just wants me to trust him. Even when I’m afraid that it may hurt him. He’s told me, many times, he can handle anything I throw at him. The thing that makes him upset, is when I’ve tried to carry something all alone. Either it gets too “heavy”, and we both fall down, or he has zero say in how this burden gets relieved. Even when I’m able to deal with a big issue, by myself, he hates when I don’t include him. He has every right to know what’s happening. I expect the same, from him. So, I need to show him the same respect.

After a long conversation, Adam carried me into the guest room. He put me on the bed, pulled down my shorts, and began to spank my behind. His spanks weren’t particularly hard. However, after he counted 15 swats on one side, and another 15 on the other, my butt was red hot. He let me out of his grasp. I turned over, onto my back. I looked up at him, as he looked down into my eyes. I saw many emotions, in his eyes, but not anger. He wasn’t angry with me. He was hurt. He was afraid. He was also going to make certain that I never keep important information a secret, again. This spanking was out of pure obligation. He didn’t want to do it, but he needed to. We talked some more, before he finished with 15 more on one side, and 15 final ones on the other. Although my butt was on fire, the tears that followed weren’t because of that. They were the release of more pent up emotions I’ve held inside, for way too long. He held me in his arms, for a long time. When he told me, “We just need to find out what we’re dealing with. It’s probably nothing! Then, all this secret worry was for nothing.” I looked right into his eyes, and started to say to him, “But…what…IF…”. I couldn’t even finish my sentence. My eyes filled with tears, again. My voice cracked. Adam held my face in his hands, and told me, “Shhh. I know, baby.” We sat together, while he held me in his arms, on his lap, for awhile longer.

Adam and I started to tease each other, and laugh. Then, we kissed. It was a long, meaningful kiss. Adam stood us both up. As we walked toward the couch, he pulled me behind it. He pulled my pants back down, and then his own. He bent me over the back of the couch, and pressed himself inside of me. He was “owning me”, in that moment. He assured us both, I am his. He is mine. We’d said all the words that needed to be. Taking me, like he did, “spoke” to us both, too. We needed each other. In every possible way. He assured me, he wants me. He needs me. It was a passion between us, that’s hard to put down in words.

That was the first time we’d had sex, in our basement. It was also the first time he’d seriously spanked me, outside of our bedroom. We made love again, later that night.

I made the first appointment, to address this concern, on Monday. I go in tomorrow. Jackie is coming with me. I went with her, yesterday, to an important appointment of hers. She’s starting her own journey. She and Justin plan to have children, after they’re married. She’s had her struggles, with infertility issues. So far, things seem very optimistic, though! I’m so very excited and happy, for her! I was proud of her, for taking this important step. It was painful, for her, but she did it. She was brave and strong. Tomorrow, it will be my turn. Having the love and support of people like Adam, Jackie, and all of my family and friends, is what pushes me to find my own strength, and bravery. No matter what, I’ve got this. I’m not alone. It’s probably nothing, anyway. I’ll get this done, and help to hold my best friend’s hand, as she continues on her mission to become a mama. She’s going to make such an amazing mama. Her and Justin will be wonderful parents. I can’t wait to see what their future holds. I definitely want to be around, so I can be in it.

I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry ’bout all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say “I’m sorry”

~Buckcherry

I have a confession to make. I came clean, with Jackie, first. We had such a great night. We barbecued. We went and swam, in Justin and Jackie’s pool. Then, we came home, and played cornhole. We were all up until after 1:00am. This was our last Saturday night, together, of “Summer”. Justin and Jackie leave for Wyoming, next Friday. They’ll be gone a week. Right when they get home, we leave for our vacation. When we get back, it’s time for school to start back up, again. We’ll all still hang out, of course! It’s just different, when we’ve got the craziness of the school year, with our kids.

Right near the end of school, this Spring, I’d discovered a lump in my left breast. I’d been referred for testing, but I never actually followed up with it. My aunt passed away, last Fall, after her battle with breast cancer. I truly believe my lump is very likely something benign. It could be a cyst, or any number of other explanations, besides cancer. Having said that, it could be serious. And…that scares the hell out of me. I made a decision, in May. I wanted to enjoy this Summer, with my family. If this lump is something unimportant, it wouldn’t matter anyway. If it is something more, I just wasn’t ready to deal with it, yet. I promised myself I would follow through, and get the tests done, after I’d had this time with my favorite people. I didn’t want anyone to worry. I didn’t want to be treated differently. I didn’t want to be pushed into going through the stress and upset of doctor visits, and waiting for results that could possibly completely change the course of our lives. I figure, if it’s nothing, it won’t matter that I waited. If it’s something, I’m glad to have gotten this amazing Summer. Having said all that, I lied. I lied to Adam, and to Jackie.

Last night, the realization that our Summer was coming to its end, hit me real hard. I needed to acknowledge the thing I’ve been ignoring. It’s time to get it figured out. Even though I feel confident it’s nothing serious, I think? I’ve convinced myself that I’m perfectly fine. Still, what if it isn’t fine? I don’t even know what I would do? So, I’ve neglected this issue for long enough. It’s time. It was time to talk to my people. I told Jackie first. She was shocked, I hadn’t said anything to her sooner. She was incredibly supportive, though. We stood in my garage, while the boys sat outside, oblivious to what was happening. They knew we were talking, and they gave us privacy. I cried two months of tears I’ve held inside. All of the emotions I’ve pushed down, bubbled up and out of me. Jackie hugged me, and we made a plan to set up appointments on Monday. She was, as always, the very best friend I could have asked for.

After Justin and Jackie left, Adam and I went to our room. We each had put toothpaste on our toothbrushes, when I began the, long overdue, conversation with him. Our toothbrushes sat beside our bathroom sinks, for hours. I told him everything. I hadn’t been truthful. I’d kept this from him. I’d broken many of the rules we’ve agreed to follow. Not out of malice, or any lack of trust in my husband! I did it, because I just wanted more time. I’m afraid.

Adam was probably angry with me, but he never raised his voice to me. He wasn’t mean. In fact, hearing him explain how hurt he was, that I had kept this in for months, was almost worse than being chewed out. He was crushed. I’d dropped a metaphorical “bomb” on him, at 3:00 in the morning. We talked until nearly 4:00am. I cried so hard, for so long, my eyes are still puffy and my head aches. Adam made love to me, when we finally finished saying all the words that needed to be spoken. He held onto me tight, the whole time we slept.

I want to be around, for a whole lot longer! I love my family more than anything. I certainly do not intend to leave them. I promise, on my family, on God, I will get appointments set up tomorrow. This will not be put off any longer. It’s time to get real, grow up, and figure out whether all this worry is even worth it. I would really love to have many more wonderful Fall, Winter, Spring, and Summers, with the amazing people I’m blessed to be loved by. Whatever happens, there’s no more secrets. I am sorry that I’ve been dishonest. I feel so guilty. I just wanted to have a little more time, in case. In case our lives are about to be turned upside down. At least we had this beautiful Summer, full of memories we’ve made together. I can’t regret that. I only feel sad, when I look into my husband and my best friend’s eyes, and see worry. I’m not very good at all this. I hate to be pitied. I don’t want to be treated as if I’m fragile. I have worked so hard, for so long, to overcome the shit that people have done to me, attempting to knock me down. My strength is what makes me, me. My ability to be here for my people, isn’t just about being valuable to them. It’s something that makes me feel valuable, too. Maybe it’s selfish? I suppose it probably is.

Adam has told me I’ve got 60 spanks coming. One for each day I’ve lied to him. He hasn’t done that, though. He isn’t wrong, for feeling the way he does. He asked me, if it was the other way around, how would I feel finding out he’d kept something from me for two months? I’d be hurt. I’d be pissed off. I’d be scared as hell. So, I get it. I imagine he’s feeling betrayed, and maybe like I didn’t trust him with this heavy “weight” I’ve carried. Although that was never my intention, I do understand why he would feel this way. I’m sure I would, if I were in his shoes. He’s the most loving, generous, caring husband. He never lets me down. He doesn’t shut me out. I kept him out of something that he deserved to know about. It isn’t just about me. That’s what scares me the most. Thinking about the upset this could create in my family. Seeing them hurt, is more painful than anything else. I’m so sorry.

~Rhett Akins

It’s been a fairly boring week, here. The kids and I went swimming. The kids have had friends over to play, most everyday. I went and got my haircut, today. I didn’t take any real length off. I just got it trimmed, and textured. My curly hair can be a challenge, especially when it’s overdue for a trim. The lady who took care of it, today, did a fantastic job.

I made fiastadas, for supper. Adam has been working late, most every night. By the time he got home, from working out, it was after 8:00pm. It’s been so humid and hot, outside! I tease that “the air is water”. Our humidity has been more than 80%. We decided to just stay inside, tonight. Adam has been upstairs, watching TV. I’m hanging out in our basement, watching old episodes of Roseanne.

I got some new tea light candles, for the wall down here. They’re battery powered, so no fire hazard risks. I think it looks real pretty.

My old man pup is hanging out with me.

Also, my sister sent the most adorable little video of my baby niece! Ahhh! I just love her!

Tomorrow, we’re grilling some kabobs. Justin and Rose are coming. My sister, her husband, and miss Pj will be here, too. It should be a fun Saturday.

I’ve been doing some school shopping, for the kids. I got Wyatt a couple new pairs of shoes, several pairs of pants, shirts, socks, and boxers. I’ve gotten Mj a few things, but she wants to go shopping with me, and pick out more. I can’t believe we’re already nearing the end of their Summer vacation. School will be starting in just a few weeks! We still need to go get new backpacks and school supplies. I’m not ready to “give back” my babies, to their schools.

I’m very proud to say, I still haven’t found any trouble. I’m sitting comfortably. I just finished with my period, today. I’m ready to get my husband back inside of me. I don’t think he knows it, just yet? I’m going to be climbing on top of him, and let him know, soon.

I’m just enjoying the quiet down here, with one of my dogs, for the moment. I love the old Roseanne show. That’s where Jackie got her nickname from! Dan and Roseanne are Adam and I. Our kids even remind me of the kids characters, once in awhile. Sometimes, I wish I could’ve raised my babies in a simpler time. Life just seems so much less complicated, through the TV screen, watching stories from bygone eras.

Anyway, that’s about everything I’ve got to write about, for now. I had a brief moment, this morning, where I caught myself drifting into a mindset that I don’t prefer to. Listening to music, while I got ready, a song came on. It was one that makes me remember things that bring me to a place that hurts real bad. Tears began to sting in my eyes, but I got myself out of it. I didn’t want to let myself go to that place inside my head. So, I didn’t. I’m fine now. It’s been a good day. It’s another great week. Joy wins.

The South moves north, the North moves south
A star is born, a star burns out
The only thing that stays the same is
Everything changes, everything changes

~Tracy Lawrence

I’ve got cube steaks in the oven. I cover them with a mixture of flour and pepper, then fry them in oil, on the stove, until browned. When they’re browned, I put them in a 9×13 baking pan, pour beef gravy over them, and bake at 350 degrees for about 1 hour. They come out so tender and yummy! I’m making mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese, to go with. Adam, Wyatt, and Justin are at the gym, working out.

We were supposed to have a guitar night, Saturday evening, but it didn’t work out. My poor girl ended up getting diagnosed with “hand foot and mouth disease”. Where that came from, I have NO clue! I thought it might be impetigo, but took her to see the doctor, to be sure. That’s when we were told it was actually something else, and she should “quarantine” for 5 days. I felt horrible, telling everyone we couldn’t make our guitar night plans. I’d been so excited for it, too! My baby needed to stay home though, so we were staying with her. We wound up watching some funny old movies. We made popcorn, had some Coke, (which I never buy!), and had a fun night, anyway.

Our friend, Biscuit, was here. He’d come up on Friday. He spent the weekend detailing my car. It’s a 7 passenger SUV, so it’s a lot of work. It had been nearly 6 months, since it was detailed, so it was a mess. It was also hot as heck outside, so it took a couple days. Bless his heart, he worked real hard on it for me, though! My car’s looking great!

I’ve spent the day cleaning. After Biscuit left, I washed the guest bedding, and hung it out to dry. I have done 2 loads of dishes. Some because I didn’t do them last night, and the rest, from lunch and the mess I’ve already made cooking supper. The way I do cube steaks requires a lot of dishes, and makes the kitchen a bit of a disaster area, but it’s worth it. I’m going to wash the kids bedding, tomorrow. Wednesday, I told Mj I’d bring her and a friend over to the indoor trampoline park. This coming weekend is our last “Summer” weekend, with Justin and Jackie. They’re going to visit his family, in Wyoming, the following one. Right before they’re back home, we leave for a week long trip, to visit Adam’s family. It should be a lot of fun, though. One of my friends lives in Iowa, now. She’s going to drive to where we’ll be, in Kansas, so we can hang out. I’m really excited to see her! I also love Adam’s brother’s girlfriend. I talked with her, on the phone, this afternoon. She’s such a sweetheart! The kids will get to spend the week with their cousins. Adam’s brother has twins. A boy and a girl. They’re right in between our kids’ ages. They always have a blast together.

I have still managed to avoid any trouble, with my husband. It’s truly been nothing but good, here! I miss Jackie. We haven’t spent much time together, since last week. It’s just been busy for the both of us. I can’t believe school will be starting back up, in just a few weeks. As soon as we get home, from our Kansas trip, I’m taking them school shopping. Then, it’ll be time for this next school year to begin. My baby is a middle schooler. Just today, she discovered that Krispy Kreme donuts gives out a half dozen donuts, to kids with straight A’s. So, she’s asking me to bring her, and her report card, over there! 😆 I suppose we’ll likely be making a trip over to Krispy Kreme, one day soon…

~Kid Rock

We had an amazing Fourth of July, with family! Every last one of the Jell-O shots I made were finished off, by our silly group of people. My dad’s girlfriend loved them! We swam, when we got there, Monday evening. The guys grilled hamburgers. We went to bed, around midnight. Adam and Justin had alarms set. They got up at 2:45, to put the briskets on the smoker. They got back up, around 5:45am, to spray them, and check on them. We all got up, just after 9:00am. Poppy cooked us breakfast. He made fried potatoes, with onion. He fried eggs, sausage patties, and I made the toast. It was so delicious. I haven’t had my dad’s breakfast cooking, for a long time. After we finished breakfast, Jackie and I left, to go pick up our friend Biscuit.

Wednesday was a day of recovery, for us. Yesterday, I took the kids over to Poppy’s. He’s off this whole week, so he’s been at his house. We swam awhile, and hung out. Today, I got groceries, did a bunch of laundry, and trying to get all the things I need done. Biscuit will be here, this evening. He’s going to clean my car, for me. Tomorrow, we’re going to Poppy’s again, for our guitar night. We’ve got a whole bunch of friends coming, for that. It should be another great time.

I haven’t done a thing, to find trouble, with Adam. We were laughing, and teasing, last night. I said “mothaaa fuckaa!”, to him. That comes from an old movie, we love. He busted out laughing, because he understood the reference. I can, and do, still manage to find ways to give my husband hell, without crossing the line. I’m certain our rules wouldn’t work for everyone, especially in a DD relationship. It’s really just about maintaining our silly playfulness, without it becoming disrespectful. We’ve been laughing together a whole lot, lately.