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Under The Weather

I see the men in the suits
Making all the decisions
Choosing who fights in wars
And whose son will go missing
Another mom skipping meals
Just to keep her kids fed
Getting too tired to feel
Hoping one day it ends

But they know if they
Can keep us down it keeps them in control

I know a doctor in white
Giving open prescriptions
Doesn’t care if you die
It’s a damn broken system

That’s failed
Why is it our fault when we ask for help?
And every day I wonder

How did the world get so cold
Messed up and complicated?
Why am I here alone
And how’d I get so jaded?
Maybe I’m losing hope
And it ain’t getting better
Maybe I’m just sick
Feeling under the weather

~Eddie & The Getaway

Towards the last couple days, before the weekend, I started to feel kinda crummy. It started, when I woke up with a sore throat, and stuffy nose. I thought it was just allergies, at first. I progressively continued to feel worse, into the weekend. Adam and I went out to eat, Friday evening. He went into work, for a few hours, on Saturday morning. We had already made plans to play cornhole, Saturday night. I stayed in denial, about admitting I was sick with more than just some allergies. We hung out back, and we did get in several games of cornhole. Adam had begun to catch on to the fact that I wasn’t feeling 100%, but I insisted I was fine. Sunday morning, though, I woke up absolutely miserable. I was achy, congested, felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, making it hard to breathe, and had a fever. My girls were all sick, too. Mj’s flags squad had been short several other kids, who’d been out sick with Covid. It sure seems early, to be coming down with this crap! We all spent Sunday laying around, recovering. I guess a little rest was all that was needed, because we’re all much better, today. We didn’t bother to test for Covid, so who knows whether that’s to blame, but if that was Covid it was fairly short lived.

Adam’s been making a whole lot of effort, to spend more time with me. It means a bunch to me, knowing he really listened to my pleas. He’s the kind of guy who always picks up his phone, when someone from work needs help, or has questions. He’s a guy who never breaks his commitments or promises, if he can at all help it. I admire and respect these things, about him. I think he sometimes just doesn’t realize when he’s overextended himself, to the detriment of his family here at home. He doesn’t even realize how neglected I’m beginning to feel. Truthfully, I also don’t mention it until his absence reaches beyond my ability to tolerate it any longer. At least, not to the extent it had gotten to. He invests his time, energy, and resources into what and who he believes in. Whether it’s business opportunities, or someone he cares about is in need, he’ll do what he can to build them up. It’s a very attractive quality. Though, once in awhile I do have to remind him how important it is that he doesn’t burn himself out, before he finally gets back to me. I try to be patient, and understanding. I know how much I do matter, to my husband. I guess I just miss him so much, when it’s been too long since he showed me I’m still his priority. I always want to be his favorite person. I’ll never forget, back when we were very early dating, he’d made an offhand comment. He’d told me something like he was, looking out for number one. Back then, that meant himself. I vividly remember thinking to myself, I hope that one day, when he mentions his “number one”, he means me. It was actually in this moment, when I realized I’d fallen for him. As hard as I fought to not catch feelings, my heart had made room for him anyhow. Eighteen years later, that man occupies my entire heart, and I’ve no doubts about who’s his “number one”. I haven’t committed more fully to anything, the way I do our marriage. That’s not to say there haven’t ever been any doubts. What’s so amazing, is that when one of us is too weak to fight for ourselves and each other, the other one has always managed to find the strength to carry us both. No matter what’s happened, we haven’t let the world tear us apart. We’ve been married for 15 and a half years, and neither of us have any intention of letting go of sharing as many years as we’ve got left on Earth, together. It’s pretty incredible, how much we’ve overcame. We’ve experienced things that break many people, but we didn’t give up on each other. I truly believe the reason I’m still standing, is because my husband refuses to let me fall. I can’t imagine how different my life would be, or even whether I’d be here at all, without him.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to write down, tonight. I sometimes just start putting my thoughts down, and what follows is as much a surprise to me as anyone else. I get to sort of untangle the knots, and sort through the jumbled mess that’s rattling around inside my head.

I have to make a trip over to Walgreens, and pick up a prescription. I’ve been waiting for the evening rush to pass, but if I spend much more time doddling, they’ll be closing up for the night.

I uploaded a recipe video last week, and also one more tonight. I’ll link those below, if anybody’s looking for some meal ideas. G’night, y’all ♥️

https://youtu.be/feSfXdLiSVI?is=QbawcwMpp8Mxt1Yh

https://youtu.be/AWauGkdMI58?is=tCiWIR-H-wSyMEAu

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Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

~Goo Goo Dolls

It’s a tough thing to talk about, but I’m gonna try. For a solid year, from ‘24-‘25, Adam was my solid ground. The place I could lose the illusion of confident composure I presented, everywhere else. And, boy did I lose myself. When my cat, Buddy, died in my arms, I didn’t know I could cry like I did. Between 2024-2025, it was a million times more painful than holding my sweet cat, when he died. It was like watching a movie. It was me, and the entire cast of characters I’d known, but I was only an observer in my own life. I genuinely can’t count the times when I’d see myself clinging to my legs, rocking back and forth, desperately searching for air inside rooms it suddenly seemed to have been sucked from. I’d hear words, sounds, cries, and screams, and although I knew they came from me, it also stunned me. I’d have impulsive thoughts, that didn’t sync up with who I’d believed I was. I don’t even know when it was, or how I got there, but a point came when I realized I’d finally begun to recognize myself, again. It started small. Tiny moments, inside long hard days, when I could find something familiar. The hope I’d truly never expected to grasp again, slowly made itself known. Much like the way a snowflake can be the beginnings of an avalanche, those individual moments grew into clusters of them. Momentum takes over, and before I knew it, here I am. Looking back, time somehow sped up, while I’d have sworn it’d stopped. Remembering it now, that year’s a blur.

Today, I’ll not lie to you, or to myself. Am I somebody I’d consider “whole”? Probably not. I adamantly refuse to accept the notion that I’m supposed to be broken, though. I reject any advice that seeks to keep me down. If anything, the slightest provocation intended to push me backward, only propels me further away from that awful place. I suppose this is one of those times, where my stubbornness becomes my superpower.

The trouble is, as I’ve taken steps forward, I seem to have outpaced my husband’s. This man stayed right there with me, when I was incapable of moving. He held onto me. If he needed some more time to move through this, after I found my footing, I was determined to stand there next to him. Same as he’d done for me.

It’s been more than another year, now. For awhile, I’ve noticed my frustrations building. He appears to be comfortable, right where we’re at, but I am not. My patience has waned.

He’s got a lot on his plate, and believe me, I get that! He never runs out of work that needs doing, phone calls that need answering or making, folks consuming his last ounces of energy. I know my husband, and I sure as hell see the evidence of the hurt he tries so hard to hide. I’ve poured into him, in every way I know how to. More than anyone I’ve ever known, he’s entitled to better than he’s gotten from life. I really mean that. He ain’t perfect, but he’s sure a whole lot closer than I am! My objections, to his hesitation in accepting his true worth, are absolutely valid. I’m certainly not the only one who knows so, either.

This weekend, I made a decision. Adam rarely internalizes gentle suggestions. He misses the subtle hints I make. He’ll do anything for me, but fails to understand that what I need, right now, is him. Not his body. Not his money. Him. The man whose attention I didn’t have to constantly compete for. The guy who wouldn’t have tolerated the bullshit, even and especially from himself. Who never let excuses reduce his expectations. Most of all, his own. I ripped off the “bandaid”, and I did not mince words. I told him, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to hurt you. Honestly, I’m not even confident that another conversation will make any difference, but I have to say it. I’m bored as fuck. I’m sick of begging you to want to make time for me. You come home, and you become a damn zombie. I know your friends all act like they’re 80, but I’m not ready to sit in a stupid rocking chair and wait to die. We’re basically roommates who sometimes fuck. Most of my friends are single, and crazy, and they act like it. I’m so protective of our marriage. I won’t go to the concerts, or the bars, with my friends, because I know how badly I’m craving the attention you’re not paying me. I’ve got zero interest in any other man, but I’m also scared of even the possibility of one weak moment, when somebody else makes me feel something. No more bullshit excuses, about how much you’re taking on at work, or padding bank accounts. You’ve worked more hours than this, and harder actual labor, but never forgot about me.

After listening to his responses, his assurances that everything he does is for me, and repeating how much he loves me, I said I know you love me, but I need to know you still like me. I need you to make time for me. To miss being silly, and laughing, and talking. I’m not talking about having to intentionally pencil me into your days, either. We can’t just schedule a deep conversation. We can’t decide whether we’ll spend an hour talking, laughing, dancing, making out, or fighting. Those things have to happen organically!

He wrapped me up in his arms, pulled me into his chest, and with a noticeable lump in his throat, he told me I was so right. He apologized, as he swore all he wants to do is make me happy. I stepped back, to look into his eyes, and asked him, Don’t you get it, though? All I want, is to know I make you happy. I’m not asking you to drop everything for me, all the time. I just want to see you making an effort to hang out with me. I don’t want to be tolerated, or placated. I want you to like me, and to miss me as much as I’ve been missing you.

He promised he heard my words, and would do much better. I sure do hope that’s true, because I so badly want to be more than an obligation. I’m tired of sharing so much of MY HUSBAND with everyone and everything else. Least of all, people and things that don’t deserve the space they hold.

Featured

Get A Little

Counting down the days to Friday night
By the end of the week
I think I’ve earned the right

To get a little drunk, get a little stoned
Catch a good buzz to my favorite song
Go a little crazy, get a little numb
Raise a glass, and bang my head to the beat of the drums

~Wayland

Yesterday, I picked up Mj, and we went for our Friday afternoon “coffee date”. It’s been our thing, my girls and I, to make a trip for coffee every Friday. We stopped by the grocery store, and got stuff to make Fiastadas. On our way home, this song played on the radio. It’s one we’ve often jammed to, on our backyard guitar playing nights. I sent this video to my dad, his girlfriend, and my sister. We’ve all got a group chat that we text each other in, pretty much daily. Our conversation went as follows…

**My dad’s the world’s biggest smart ass lol**

For the record, I never wrecked my dad’s truck. When I was 16, he’d just bought a really cool new pickup, and he let me drive it out one Friday night. On my way home, a mama and baby deer ran across the highway. I hit the brakes, and literally just as it came to a stop, it did that little lurch forward from the momentum. I knocked the baby deer down, but it got right back up and ran off. It was completely unharmed. However, it slightly dented in his front license plate. He intentionally left it that way, and has always teased me about the time I “totaled” his new truck. 😂

I had to drive Mj to flags practice, at 6:45 this morning. Adam went into work for awhile, and then came home and worked some more. We’re going to have some grilled hotdogs and brats, for supper, so this afternoon I made some potato salad and deviled eggs to go with. I recorded that process, if anybody’d like to see how I make those. I’ll link it, at the end of this blog post. When Mj’s practice was over, I picked up her and her friend. She’s having a friend over, to spend the night. They asked me to drive them over to the bookstore. So, I brought them over there. I’m figuring they’ll be calling for me to come bring them home, any minute now. She’s at the age where it seems like I’m just constantly chauffeuring her places. I swear, there’s at least somewhere to bring her, pick her up from, or both, everyday! I love it, though. Usually, anyhow. It makes me happy, spending time with any and all my babies. It also means the world to me that they want to hang out with their mama, too.

I’m hoping I can talk Adam into playing a few games of cornhole, with me, later tonight. It’s a fairly laid back weekend, here in our house. Which I think is honestly just perfect!

Here’s the link to my deviled eggs, and potato salad 🙂

https://youtu.be/886K8DyEHcc?is=OLEZ4_AoNmIGXXtO

Living Proof

Featured

my old recurring dreams
are few and far between
cause I don’t get much sleep, and you don’t haunt me anymore

were you ever really here

my coffee’s getting stronger
my hair is getting longer
one heart now broken into two
when I look in the mirror
I see a foreign figure
[she] and I have a different point of view
were you ever really here
was I dreaming you
I’m the evidence
I’m the living proof

~Silverada

I’ve sorta wavered between this desire for openness, and my internal struggle to trust. Life’s been super busy, but not with things that particularly usher in any negativity. It’s hard, because I’ve got plenty of people around me. I have friends and family, who care. I’ve just built certain specific “boxes”, that I hold all my relationships inside. There are my own arbitrary boundary lines, and I haven’t been able to allow those to be crossed. Some have been peripherally connected to me, for a long time, and are mostly aware of the changes that have occurred, over time, in my life. Some only have vague cliff notes. Highlight reels, of the most important things, but no details. There are so few, who see and know all of me. Who understand me well enough that words don’t necessarily need to be spoken between us. Adam knows me better than anyone else. As much as I do share with him, it can still be difficult. Not because he judges or scolds me, for baring my heart to him. It’s just that, he always wants to “fix” my “broken” parts. If I’m having a tough day, his instinct is simply to make things better for me. I love him, for that. He’s an amazing protector and provider! He thinks like a man. Like a good husband does, for his wife. I’m not always bringing my struggles, my problems, my fears to him, because I’m asking him to take them on. I don’t expect him to sort out and put together every puzzle piece that’s rattling around in my mind. Often, those are things I need to solve, or process through, myself. Part of that internal processing requires bouncing my chaotic thoughts off someone I can trust them with. It helps me to understand what, why, and how I’m feeling. I suppose this has gotten much more challenging, as time has continually shown me how much of the safety and security I’d believed in, had only been an illusion. I’m afraid, because I’ve been taught how unexpectedly, at any given moment, my world can collapse. It’s this uncertainty that halts real meaningful faith in the sturdiness of any ground I’m tempted to plant myself on. For this reason, I can’t allow myself to grow roots. So, I don’t stay anywhere for too long. I won’t give myself fully to anything, or anyone. It sucks, to admit it. I hate that my naive “innocence”, in so eagerly giving my all to others, has been lost.

I’ve begun to recognize how unhealthy it is, to remain so closely guarded. I explained this to my husband, using SSRI’s as an example. I’ve taken them, in the past, and I honestly despise them things. While they can be useful, in helping me up from the depths of depression, they also hinder my progress. There’s a point where I sort of reach a plateau, and SSRI’s make it impossible to continue on my journey to recovery. Not to mention, they virtually extinguish my sex drive. I guess I’m seeing how my attempts to protect myself, are also preventing me from forming the very relationships I so badly crave. I’ve avoided some people, who’ve done nothing to deserve it. On the bad days, I’d worry I might open myself up too much, and wind up getting hurt. On the good days, I’d worry my confidence could lead me to overestimate the strength and security of those relationships, and I’d wind up getting hurt. With some friends, when I sense us growing closer, I pull way back. Sometimes, when I’ve regretted sharing more than I intended to, I just bail. I’ll ignore phone calls, and leave texts on read, without any reply at all. Maybe I really am sparing myself more heartaches, or perhaps I’m pushing away people who genuinely care for me. It could be a bit of both. I’m not quite sure how to even begin to break down those barriers I’ve created, between myself and everyone. It’s a whole lot easier in theory, than it is in practice. I actually quit seeing my therapist, awhile ago, for the same reasons I’ve ghosted everybody else. We were getting way too close to the most painful and vulnerable parts of me. Like a coward, I left without any warning. I am self aware enough to know, acknowledging these challenges is a huge step towards making positive changes.

On that note…

We spent last weekend in Knoxville, with Mikayla. Adam got her new washer and dryer all hooked up. He leveled her fridge door, so it’d close right. We went out to eat, and took her to Trader Joe’s, and then we stocked her new place with groceries. My favorite part, was the evening we spent out by the pool. Her apartment complex has an awesome outdoor space!

I also uploaded a new recipe video, for anyone who might be interested.

https://youtu.be/tqiEAVtc_OI?is=F2g4xbVXF-gW3lY5

In spite of all the crap that still needs sorted out, in me, there’s also a whole bunch of happy being found. There’s plenty of goodness, and it’s making me stronger, everyday.

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Something to Believe In

Well, I see him on the TV
Preaching ’bout the promised lands
He tells me, “Believe in Jesus”
Steals the money from my hands
Some say he was a good man
Lord, I think he sinned

22 years of mental tears cries a suicidal Vietnam vet
Who fought a losing war on a foreign shore
To find his country didn’t want him back
Their bullets took his best friends in Saigon
Our lawyers took his wife, his kids, no regrets
In a time I don’t remember
In a war he can’t forget
He cried, “Forgive me for what I’ve done there
‘Cause I never meant the things I did”

And give me something to believe in
If there’s a Lord above
And give me something to believe in
Oh, Lord, arise”

~Poison

I’m really not looking for a political argument, but my gosh, am I fed up with… Is our latest escapade supposed to be referred to as “military action”? Whatever. It’s another war, our congress never voted for. We’ve been fighting, somewhere in the Middle East, since before my adult life even began! I’m wise enough to recognize there are things I surely don’t understand. I have to assume some kind of intelligence has been gathered, which has lead my country’s leaders to send our young men and women back into a hell I can’t begin to imagine. What I do know about, is the scars undoubtedly being caused. They’re witnessing, and also participating in, horrific realities of combat. Some leave with catastrophic wounds. Some only recognize they’re injured, after they’re back here. There’ll be physical trauma, but also mental and emotional pain, that doesn’t ever fully heal. And, for some, they’ll only make it back home inside a box draped in the American flag. Because this has been pretty much the “norm”, my entire adult life, I have to wonder if it’s just always been this way? Does every generation feel like the world’s “on fire”? Does everyone ponder over whether “the end is nigh”? The overarching question I’ve got, though, is why? What are we really trying to do? What are the suits, behind their comfortable desks, making these calls that affect families that are somehow never theirs, truly aiming to accomplish?

I’ve gotta end this rant, because I don’t have time to fully hash out my frustration with those things, tonight.

School’s officially back in session. August, December, and May are the most busy times of the year, for us. Mikayla starts back to school, next week, and B doesn’t go back until September. We’re going down to Knoxville, this coming weekend. Mikayla’s moving into a new apartment. We’re going to help her get all moved in, and set up there.

This past weekend, I worked on a little project. I’ve had a plain cube shelf, in our living room, for awhile now. I’ve considered replacing it, with a nicer one, but ultimately decided to give an idea I’d gotten a try. I spent a day and a half measuring, sawing, nailing, gluing, and painting. First, I added some trim, around the top of the shelf. I also added faux stained oak wood look, at the top.

Then, I painted 1.5 inch blocks, and attached them to the bottom. After that, I added more trim that I’d also painted. I used 1.5 inch trim, for the sides, but on the front, I shorted it to just 1 inch. It created a slight arch, this way.

Before (also peep Gary peering out from behind 😂)

I was pretty proud of myself! I did it completely on my own, with only my own brain to process my ideas and to create something that worked. It’s not perfect, but it turned out looking much better than before!

I better go grab my husband, and hop in the shower, before he passes out. Poor guy’s been working so much, lately. It’s SO hot, too. I always get on him, to make sure he’s staying hydrated. Especially after last year, when he was found unconscious after suffering heat stroke, out on one of the job sites! I don’t think my heart can take another phone call like that one.

I should actually have a little more time to sit down and write, tomorrow morning. Just wanted to stop in, and say all’s well. Busy, is all! Good, though. Real good.

I also shared a couple of snack/treats I made, for school and Adam’s work lunches, if anyone’s interested.

https://youtu.be/UOjpXJ50aDI?is=QDmCywyrsyDgMdLi

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Footprints on the Moon

It’s Everest, I know
It’s impossible, you’re too young or too old
That’s what they tell you
So that’s what you tell you too
So the light, it fades
When you figure out the rules, they change
When you touch it in your hands, it’s sand
Slipping through, but the truth is

Everybody says that you can’t ’til you do
Standing there, staring at the mirror in the room
Tell yourself “One more day, one more day, one more shot”
The voices in the night, in your head
Yeah, they’ll pay you to quit
They’ll tell you that it’s hard, ’cause it is
But you can do anything, anything you want to
There’s footprints on the moon

~Gabby Barrett

I’m running out of time to write much here, tonight. It’s been another busy day. I had an appointment, in Nashville. When I got back home, I made monotonous phone calls, and then I put on some music. I got a lot of housework done. Mj’s been busy, with lots of days of flags practice. School officially starts back, next week. How did another Summer come and pass by, so quickly?! I’m taking her school shopping, tomorrow.

While I was cooking supper, I got to thinking about some things I’d been wanting to talk about. I uploaded a video, and it’s posted on my YouTube channel now.

https://youtu.be/3TQ6kyuLC2o?is=I0Q3rDEZ20N5VgLK

Other than all that, I don’t have a whole lot else to say. I’m going to put “I Love Lucy”, on the TV, and work on some craft projects. I’ve got just about an hour, before it’ll be time to hop in the shower with Adam, and then get ready for bed. Goodnight, y’all. ♥️

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Hard Days

You wouldn’t know what it’s like to dance in the rain
Never see the silver lining when the skies go grey
You wouldn’t know a dream come true from a few that don’t
You’d never find your way on a broken road

If you never had hard days
If you never had a heartbreak
Never had more than you can take
Or carried the weight
Of life on your shoulders
Would you feel like you earned it?
Would you live with a purpose?
Or ever known your own strength
If you never had hard days

~Brantley Gilbert

Life has been busy, lately, but in the best way. I sort of “catch” myself, in the process of making sweet memories, and become acutely aware that, at least inside this moment, I feel “full”. Almost as if I’m viewing myself in third person. I can observe not only who and what’s around me, and where we are, but also reflect on what, where, who I am, and how “she’s” doing. How “she’s” feeling, right now. It almost surprises me, discovering that what didn’t seem possible anymore, in fact could be. That in spite of the intentions of some, or of theirs and even my own assumptions, I can actually be happy and “whole”. Surrounded by old, as well as new faces, I’m still capable of finding fulfillment. I’ve had a lot of fun, this Summer. I’m less guarded, overall. No longer carrying the weight of all those heavy emotions, everywhere I go. Things I didn’t think I’d ever be able to set down, if only for a little while. I won’t pretend it’s never there. It isn’t always, though. For me, that’s an incredible blessing. I can do more than merely survive. I don’t need to always be cautiously playing defense, just waiting for the next heartbreak. I can relax, relatively confident that those around me aren’t plotting a new offensive attack, against me. I’ve got people who truly support and encourage me. People who comfort and protect me. People who genuinely do celebrate my successes. I’d like to say that no doubt or worry remain. I’d be lying. It’s very hard for me to trust absolutely. There are times, when my mind’s voice whispers reminders of how, and by whom, I’ve been so deeply hurt. Those seeds of fear can quickly grow, and easily convince me to question my safety. It’s much less scary, for me, to “shut down”. To close myself off to any and everyone. I think that’s why it’s so unexpected, peering into my own life, and seeing a girl who isn’t fearful and burdened. A girl who isn’t constructing illusions, trying to at least appear content in her skin. Happy, even. I’m not concealing my sadness, hurt, worry, and doubt. Hiding them behind the socially acceptable mask I wore, because of how afraid I was to let anyone really see me. Not because those feelings are gone, but because they no longer haunt my every waking moment. Hell, they’d even chased me into my sleep. The best part is that I’m not consciously putting effort into preventing the negativity from entering. I don’t have to consider it. It doesn’t require my constant attention, allowing me virtually no privacy. For the most part, if I’m honest, that seems to be contained within designated, specific areas. I do open the doors they’re behind, when I need to. It’s a rare occasion, these days, that those doors are flung open by what’s inside, or at the insistence of anyone who enjoys disturbing my peace. I don’t expect it all to disappear. I’m pretty sure there’ll be no getting rid of it. Even if I could do that, I wouldn’t. It occurs to me, banishing all the hurt feelings would mean giving up large parts of my own humanity. You’d have to be heartless, a narcissistic megalomaniac, to actually be able to banish people or things from memory, altogether. I can’t simply “turn off” the love I’ve had for somebody. I don’t hate anyone. I wouldn’t even say I don’t love those no longer welcome in my life. I truly believe I do yet hold real love, for them. Some more than others, but still, there’s love. While some will stay relegated to my past, I’m not wishing they wouldn’t continue to exist, just because it’s not with me.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to chase the new hopes and dreams I’m imagining. I’m so very thankful for what I have, and who I get to call my family and friends. I’m glad to see all the good, around me. I’m proud to know I can be an active participant in the good they count as their own blessings. I’m not just a burden. I’m a wife, a mama, a daughter, sister, and a friend. It was a great try, but hate, hurt, and selfishness haven’t won.

Mikayla and Brooklyn’s dad came to visit, last week. We had everyone, including him, over. It had been rainy, so we decided on making BLT’s for supper. My dad, and his girlfriend, were here. All my girls, and a couple extra friends, came. We all swam and played cornhole, later. We also celebrated Mikayla’s birthday. I got stuff to make s’mores and pudgie pies, over the fire pit. It was just so darned nice, having fun with everyone! It makes me happy, that my oldest girls’ father can spend time with us, and we all can get along and have a great time. I know it means a lot to my girls, having everyone they love all together. I even caught a photo of a rainbow!