It’s Been Awhile

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve gone and fucked things up again…

…and it’s been awhile, since I said I’m sorry

~Staind

Last night, in the shower, I kind of laid into Adam. He made me mad! He turned the AC on, without mentioning this, and he set it at 75 degrees. We always agreed to 78, in summer. Since he hadn’t mentioned it, I had also had windows wide open, throughout the house. I had literally just mentioned this, in my blog! I called him a hypocrite and a liar. I lectured him. I went on about all the shit he gave me, all winter, if I dared to touch the thermostat. This issue grew larger than necessary. I did become disrespectful. I was so angry, though! Finally, Adam admitted that he shouldn’t have done that. He insisted, he never punished me, for turning up the heat. I retorted, he did give me plenty of hell. He spent time and energy to explain to me why I shouldn’t do that, especially since we’d agreed to leave it at that temperature. He told me to put more layers of clothes on, if I was cold. Here we are, now that it’s getting warmer, and he’s the one complaining. He’s sneaking around, messing with the thermostat. I explained, if he seriously “means it” about an issue, I need to know. When he does shit like this, it tells me he’s either a hypocrite, or he never really meant it. That’s incredibly frustrating, for me! He did acquiesce, after a few rounds of arguing our sides. He promised not to do that again, because he expects me to follow our agreement during wintertime.

Unfortunately, I had done some things. I rolled my eyes, a couple times. I also might’ve said a fuck off, in my frustration. When we got out of the shower, Adam got his turn to lecture me. He told me he’s very serious about not being disrespectful. He reminded me, he never does or says things like that to me, when he’s upset with me. He apologized for turning the AC on, and going against our arrangement. Then, he pulled up the towel I had covering my body, and spanked me. He insists, he won’t tolerate my eye rolls, middle fingers, or disrespect anymore. I wasn’t happy, but we ended the our night making love, and forgiving one another.

Today, I’ve had some things on my mind. There’s a couple of things I’ve kept from him. Nothing horrible. I’ve neglected to mention them, though. I guess it’s extra on my mind, after last night. I was so upset with him, and here I am screwing up too.

He’s on his way home…