I see the men in the suits
Making all the decisions
Choosing who fights in wars
And whose son will go missing
Another mom skipping meals
Just to keep her kids fed
Getting too tired to feel
Hoping one day it ends
But they know if they
Can keep us down it keeps them in control
I know a doctor in white
Giving open prescriptions
Doesn’t care if you die
It’s a damn broken system
That’s failed
Why is it our fault when we ask for help?
And every day I wonder
How did the world get so cold
Messed up and complicated?
Why am I here alone
And how’d I get so jaded?
Maybe I’m losing hope
And it ain’t getting better
Maybe I’m just sick
Feeling under the weather
~Eddie & The Getaway
Towards the last couple days, before the weekend, I started to feel kinda crummy. It started, when I woke up with a sore throat, and stuffy nose. I thought it was just allergies, at first. I progressively continued to feel worse, into the weekend. Adam and I went out to eat, Friday evening. He went into work, for a few hours, on Saturday morning. We had already made plans to play cornhole, Saturday night. I stayed in denial, about admitting I was sick with more than just some allergies. We hung out back, and we did get in several games of cornhole. Adam had begun to catch on to the fact that I wasn’t feeling 100%, but I insisted I was fine. Sunday morning, though, I woke up absolutely miserable. I was achy, congested, felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, making it hard to breathe, and had a fever. My girls were all sick, too. Mj’s flags squad had been short several other kids, who’d been out sick with Covid. It sure seems early, to be coming down with this crap! We all spent Sunday laying around, recovering. I guess a little rest was all that was needed, because we’re all much better, today. We didn’t bother to test for Covid, so who knows whether that’s to blame, but if that was Covid it was fairly short lived.
Adam’s been making a whole lot of effort, to spend more time with me. It means a bunch to me, knowing he really listened to my pleas. He’s the kind of guy who always picks up his phone, when someone from work needs help, or has questions. He’s a guy who never breaks his commitments or promises, if he can at all help it. I admire and respect these things, about him. I think he sometimes just doesn’t realize when he’s overextended himself, to the detriment of his family here at home. He doesn’t even realize how neglected I’m beginning to feel. Truthfully, I also don’t mention it until his absence reaches beyond my ability to tolerate it any longer. At least, not to the extent it had gotten to. He invests his time, energy, and resources into what and who he believes in. Whether it’s business opportunities, or someone he cares about is in need, he’ll do what he can to build them up. It’s a very attractive quality. Though, once in awhile I do have to remind him how important it is that he doesn’t burn himself out, before he finally gets back to me. I try to be patient, and understanding. I know how much I do matter, to my husband. I guess I just miss him so much, when it’s been too long since he showed me I’m still his priority. I always want to be his favorite person. I’ll never forget, back when we were very early dating, he’d made an offhand comment. He’d told me something like he was, looking out for number one. Back then, that meant himself. I vividly remember thinking to myself, I hope that one day, when he mentions his “number one”, he means me. It was actually in this moment, when I realized I’d fallen for him. As hard as I fought to not catch feelings, my heart had made room for him anyhow. Eighteen years later, that man occupies my entire heart, and I’ve no doubts about who’s his “number one”. I haven’t committed more fully to anything, the way I do our marriage. That’s not to say there haven’t ever been any doubts. What’s so amazing, is that when one of us is too weak to fight for ourselves and each other, the other one has always managed to find the strength to carry us both. No matter what’s happened, we haven’t let the world tear us apart. We’ve been married for 15 and a half years, and neither of us have any intention of letting go of sharing as many years as we’ve got left on Earth, together. It’s pretty incredible, how much we’ve overcame. We’ve experienced things that break many people, but we didn’t give up on each other. I truly believe the reason I’m still standing, is because my husband refuses to let me fall. I can’t imagine how different my life would be, or even whether I’d be here at all, without him.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to write down, tonight. I sometimes just start putting my thoughts down, and what follows is as much a surprise to me as anyone else. I get to sort of untangle the knots, and sort through the jumbled mess that’s rattling around inside my head.
I have to make a trip over to Walgreens, and pick up a prescription. I’ve been waiting for the evening rush to pass, but if I spend much more time doddling, they’ll be closing up for the night.
I uploaded a recipe video last week, and also one more tonight. I’ll link those below, if anybody’s looking for some meal ideas. G’night, y’all ♥️
Chronicles in Submission 