I once saw a quote that read “If you want your husband to lead, you have to step down and allow him to.” This might not have been applicable 50 years ago, but it certainly is now. What was once expected of men and marriage, seems to be the exception to the rule now. I am certainly all for women’s rights. I vote. I think women should be free to choose how they want to live their lives. I know that there are plenty of men and women who would never even consider a husband as the Head of Household (HoH). They are partners, equals. I used to feel exactly that way, too.

I absolutely believe that my husband and I are of equal value. We are both intelligent people with our own unique strengths and abilities. I married a man who recognizes all of the ways that I contribute to our family and relationship. He appreciates me for all of me. He also knows my flaws. He has learned when to encourage me, when to help me, and when to do it for me. He knows these things because I’ve trusted him enough to step aside and let him lead. I suppose he could have forced me to submit to his will had he been a violent and cruel man, but he’s not those things, and most men aren’t either. I truly believe that there are many (maybe most) men among us who are aching to feel worthy of the woman they love’s trust in their ability to lead well. I also believe there are many women who are silently begging their man to step up and be a good leader. I can’t tell you the weight off my shoulders knowing that my husband has got us.

My challenge to other women is to simply give him a chance. If you disagree about how to handle a problem, where to go on vacation, whether to save or spend that unexpected bonus money, take a deep breath and let him lead, just this once. I can almost promise you the world will not come to an end. You surely married a competent and loving man? Even IF it turns out your way was the better option, watch how your husband responds to being validated in that moment when his wife actually trusted him to get it right. I am NOT a perfect example of submission, not even close. I fail to bite my tongue more often than I’m prepared to admit here. The thing is, I can count the number of times my husband’s way turned out bad on TWO fingers. Yep, two. That’s all. And, when he realized he’d made the wrong choice, let me tell you, he did everything in his power to make it right. We’re still here. We have a beautiful home, happy and healthy kids. We’re not rich, but I don’t have to worry about how we’re going to pay the electric bill or anything like that. I’m so proud of Adam’s ability to steer us in the right direction. I’ve seen him make countless selfless decisions for the good of his family. I’ve convinced him that my way was the best choice, and been completely and utterly wrong. Adam never blamed me or held that over my head. If we end up in a tough spot, whether it’s my doing or his, Adam carries that weight without hesitation, anger, or blame. He takes his leadership responsibilities very seriously. He doesn’t abuse his authority. He knows the authority he has over us is because I’ve freely and willingly submitted to him. He could be a tyrant and make all these choices without bothering to involve me, but he’d never do that because he has a love and mutual respect for me. I know he would give up all of his worldly possessions to get me something I needed if that’s what it took. You see, when I choose to submit to his leadership, his devotion to me and his commitment to what’s best for ME actually grows. If I nagged him for every choice, mistake, or insisted we always do it my way, his confidence would crumble. How could he ever do right by us if I never gave him the opportunity? How could he “prove” his love for me if I refused to trust him to have my best interests at heart? I’m not suggesting wives shouldn’t have opinions or share them! I’m simply asking that you consider stepping down, even just this once, and see how your husband leads. You might even find, like I did, that your faith in your husband grows as his enthusiasm to provide and protect you will. You, dear wives, have the amazing ability to inspire your husband to do everything possible to make your life better, if you simply allow him to step up to the plate and prove himself ❤️

We live in the suburbs. Our neighborhood reminds me of the streets and houses from that old show “The Wonder Years”. Of course, our houses are updated and I don’t think anyone in our neighborhood drives a wood paneled station wagon, but y’all get the picture. We have block parties and our kids play with all of the neighbor’s kids. If I need to borrow some sugar, I can call on a neighbor. Everyone’s friendly and it’s safe to let the kids ride their bikes around the block.

We were barbecuing and playing in the pool a couple weekends ago. Some of our neighbors and their kids meandered over and we cracked open some beers and sat outside on the patio. I had music playing and I jokingly leaned in and told my friend this song made me almost wish I did drugs because it’s a total “get high with me” type of song. We giggled and I looked up to see her boyfriend standing right there. He told me he outta put me over his knee and have Adam spank me for saying something like that! Now, I know he would never do that, but I also know he happens to have a lot of family and friends who’ve been destroyed by drugs. Nothing more was said about that and we had a great evening hanging outside with everyone. It was only later that I began to wonder, do they know? Adam’s never been shy about giving me “the look” or even about slapping my butt just because he feels like it. I try to live out my commitment to submission in my marriage. I don’t hide the fact that Adam’s the ultimate authority in our home. I have to wonder though, how much have our neighbors actually seen, heard, or inferred? Do we give off spanky vibes? Or, maybe my neighbors girlfriend got quiet when he said that because we’re not the only couple on the block with a paddle hidden somewhere in our house?

In my first post I told y’all I was going to share another first next time. I’m going to talk about my very first spanking. I totally understand that not everyone who considers themselves a part of the DD community include spanking in their relationship. We do. Unlike most others I’ve read about, we hadn’t had a real conversation about discipline in our marriage. I never had to approach my husband and ask for this, and he didn’t [exactly] ask me either. This has been more of a gradual build up to where we are now. It started out sexual, and went to more of a playful thing. For the most part, that’s still what spanking is in our relationship. I get “love taps” almost daily. The first time it became somewhat more of a tool for discipline was about 8 years ago. I was being argumentative and witchy. We were just getting started in my husband’s small business and trying to sort and fill out heaps of paperwork. I was in a mood and I knew it. The words that flung from my mouth seemed to do so before my brain even got the memo. I wasn’t exactly being mean or hateful, just…witchy. Finally, Adam stood up, walked over to me, put his arm around my waist, bent me over, and gave me just a few stinging smacks. I didn’t get angry or yell at him. I honestly wasn’t even particularly shocked when it happened. Like I said, he’d been playfully spanking my rear end for a long time at that point. This felt different. Not that it necessarily physically hurt anymore than previous, playful spankings. It was his dominant, “I’ve had enough” emotion that made this time unique. Not only did my whole attitude change for the better, but I also saw Adam in a whole new version of the sexy, strong, masculine husband I’d married. I was incredibly attracted to this Adam 2.0 I’d just discovered! So, while this first might seem a little anticlimactic, for us it was the start of this thing we do now. I have no doubt that had I reacted badly that night, that would’ve been the first and last time Adam spanked me that way. He’s a big guy. 6’3” tall, muscular, played college football, but I’ve never seen him put his hands on anyone in anger. He has and would never hurt me. A few slaps on the butt can definitely smart, but for us, that is much different than bullying or abuse. This is consensual. I know I made my enthusiasm for what he’d done crystal clear by my attitude, my actions, and my excitement in the bedroom later that night. We have since had plenty of discussions about our relationship and TTWD. I don’t think either of us planned for DD to be part of our relationship, it just organically moved in that direction.

This is my very first blog post ever! I thought I’d start by telling y’all a little bit about me.

Age: 30ish

I’ve been married to my husband, Adam, for 11 years and we have 2 children together. We live in the American south and yes, we say y’all, like a lot. I’m a coffee-a-holic. I spend way too much time reading. I’m a Christian, but not a fan of religion. I refused to put the word “obey” in my wedding vows. Two months after our wedding, I actually began to develop a relationship with God and that scary little 4 letter word haunted me. Obey and submit made me think of a weak, incapable woman ruled by a tyrant of a husband, and yet I couldn’t get it off my mind. As my relationship with Christ grew, so did my understanding of those words. I even came to regret striking “obey” from my vows. My husband has to account for every sinful thing I do. Of course I should obey him! In our years together, I have made more than my share of mistakes. Adam has never once left me alone to clean up my messes. He has only ever asked the most reasonable of things from me.

1. Be honest. There is no truth that has ever pushed him away from me. Lies can destroy us, though.
2. Respect him and our marriage. We find plenty to disagree about, but being hateful, vulgar, and insulting him (especially in front of other people) are so incredibly disrespectful things to do. There is nothing I can’t tell him if I do it in a respectful way. In fact, about 95% of the time, I can convince him to do things my way when I simply share my opinions in a kinder, softer manner.
3. Keep my promises. If Adam says he’ll do something, you can bet it’ll get done! He is one of the most honorable people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He trusts me to do what I say and say what I mean. This sort of falls into the whole “obey” category. He never barks orders at me, but if he asks me to do something (or NOT do) and I’ve agreed to or just kept silent on it rather than explain why I can’t/won’t do it, that’s how we define being disobedient.

I’ve read about all of the “D’s” in relationships like ours. They stand for Disrespect, Disobedience, Dishonesty, and I believe Dangerous? I suppose we have adopted those same values, or “rules” (that’s another touchy 4 letter word I’m working on).

So, I think I’ve laid out who I am and what I’m about. If there’s anything I’ve left out, feel free to just ask! In my next post, I’ll share another first time with y’all 😉