Trouble squared (part II)

I always do my best to time supper so that it’s just about ready when Adam gets home from work. He can get home anytime between 5:30 to 8:00pm, so I’ve learned over the years how to time meals out just right so the food is hot and fresh for him and we can all eat together at the table. We had extra kids over, so the house was noisy and chaotic when Adam got home and I was getting all the kids plates of food dished out. We sat down, said our dinner prayer, and enjoyed our meal. Adam has this thing he’s always done when I’m rinsing the dishes at the sink he comes up behind me, pats my butt, and then reaches his arms around me and gives me a hug and a kiss and thanks me for a good supper. I chose that moment to announce that I had something I had to tell him. We also have a thing between us when it comes to sharing something that makes me nervous or that I know is likely to upset him. We shower together every evening, and that is when we talk about everything on our minds. There’s something about being naked in front of one another. We’re vulnerable and we can’t walk away if we get angry. We have had many a heated discussion standing in the shower together! I knew he wouldn’t be happy about the whole electric bill situation, but I also knew it wasn’t the kind of thing that would cause an argument or make him seriously angry with me.

A few hours later, I told Adam “let’s go take our shower.” He laughed and said I must be excited to get my spankin’ over with. He didn’t yet know what had happened, just that something had. It was finally time to fess up and I felt a little bit nervous all the sudden. I began with “you know how stressed out I was a few weeks ago? And you know I usually do a great job making sure I take care of things at home?” At that point, he probably thought I was about to drop a serious bomb on him because he looked really worried. I told him all about what had happened, but I wasn’t planning to mention the extra fees we had to pay until Adam asked about how much more it cost us. How did he know about that?! He had a serious look on his face at first, but then he grinned a slight little half grin that tells me he’s not too upset. He pulled me close to him and then brought his hand down hard on my behind. I yelped and he announced I had 5 more just like that coming. His hands can touch me in so many different ways. They’re gentle and reassuring. They give a great back massage. They hold me close and make me feel protected from the world. They can also feel hard as a block of wood. His hands were blocks of wood last night. When he finished, he asked me what I’d learned and y’know what I told him??? I told him I’d learned that he has shitty aim because he got my back twice! (He didn’t really get my back, but he typically spanks lower where I’ve got more padding.) This is the reason I titled this blog post, “Trouble squared”. I just had to say something snarky, which landed me in much deeper water. The truth is, Adam laughs at my silliness. He loves me and all my sassy southern ways. He isn’t trying to change me or anything. He has randomly slapped my behind probably 20 times over the last couple of days just to ask if his aim was better that time, but if I ever did or said something that made him truly angry with me, he would never lay a hand on me. This is our thing. Occasionally, there is a more serious message behind the discipline Adam is giving me. This time, the message was “please don’t screw up my credit because you haven’t paid a bill” and that IS something to take seriously. As for my sarcastic response, though, that did not mean that I wasn’t appreciating that I had done something stupid and this was on the more serious side of punishment rather than mostly playful. I did understand that and I did feel bad. Adam knew I felt terrible and that I don’t regularly ignore our bills. I say silly things to lighten the mood sometimes. I sometimes get sarcastic when I’m nervous. For Adam and I, my remark wasn’t meant or taken as blatant disrespect. I did get a much more sore rear end for it, but not because Adam was genuinely angry with me. I never have to be afraid to say something to him. I never have fear in those rare instances when he is truly angry. I know that he would never put his hands on me in anger, even with DD in our marriage. Once things have calmed down, discipline absolutely happens! But, I wanted to make it abundantly clear that he did not and would not spank me if he was really truly mad at something I’d done or said. My butt was sore the next morning, and again last night, but my spirit is not ever bruised or beaten by Adam.