I pray that my greatest achievement in life is to have given my babies a childhood that they don’t ever have to recover from. I know that they’ve already seen things that hurt them. I understand I can’t shelter them from all of the pain life throws at everyone. I just hope to God that, when they look back, I am remembered as their safe place. That home is always a place they can go to for comfort and love.
I shared yesterday’s blog post with Adam last night. He has witnessed much of it, but I’d never really talked much about that part of my childhood. Just a couple of years ago, he was the one calling 911 while I hid upstairs with our kids because my mother was trying to break a window to get inside our house. He’s seen plenty. I know this is why I didn’t write much here for long periods of time. Not only because I wasn’t in a place where I could write about my life. Also because Adam was so busy trying to protect me and do everything he could to help me get through it, he wasn’t holding me accountable very often. I believe it hurts him almost as much as it hurt me because he can’t make it all better. We moved, which helped a ton. My mother has no idea where we live now. It’s only been recently that Adam has begun to hold me more accountable for things. This, I’m sure, is why I push him lately. We have sort of started over after a long “break”. When Adam called me into our bedroom a few days ago, Jackie had taken the kids downstairs. She told me our son was saying “oh, they’re having one of their talks” and made another comment about how Adam was using his dad voice, so he knew mama was in trouble and he felt sorry for me. I thought it was cute. He’s been on the receiving end of plenty of Adam’s “talks” when he’s in trouble as well. It doesn’t bother me if the kids understand that their dad is in charge of everyone, even mama. I used to worry that they might respect me less if they knew Adam could call me into our bedroom and use the “dad voice” on me too. They clearly know that he does, though, and they’re still plenty afraid of their mama!
I have ONE more day until I’m no longer being scrutinized for every single purchase I make!! Adam told me I can go shopping with Jackie on Saturday. Yesterday was her birthday. We already have plans for the places we’re going this weekend. Hobby Lobby, for sure. We’re also going to hit up a few thrift shops so we can hunt for treasures that we can repurpose into beautiful things again. I can’t wait!!!