Adam got home, a couple hours ago. He walked right into the kitchen and picked me up. He brought me into our bedroom. I had homemade meatballs cooking, in the oven. I made my grape jelly and BBQ sauce mixture, to pour over them. That’s everyone’s favorite. The mashed potatoes and stuffing I was making to go with, weren’t ready to get started. He wound up getting home at just the right time. In between when I needed to be at the stove.
I wore a little coral sundress, today. I had put Adam’s favorite lotion of mine on, when I knew he’d be about to leave work. I checked my hair. Reapplied some lipgloss. He smiled at me, when he came around the corner. I could tell he wasn’t too upset with me.
When he put me down, in our room, he shut and locked our door. I can’t remember what I said to him? He bent me over our bed, held my hands out of the way, and spanked me. I wore thong panties, under my dress, so he didn’t even have to pull them down. He just lifted my dress, and had perfect access to my behind. It didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t awful. I think I got off even easier, beings it’s been such a long time since he’s seriously spanked me. He asked me a question. One that required a “yes sir” response. I stubbornly pretended not to know he was expecting a “sir”, after the “yes” I gave him. When I could tell he was going to spank me again, if I didn’t answer properly, I gave him his “yes SIR”.
After we left “the office”, I sent Jackie a text. I’d been talking to her about what was going on. The problem was, I accidentally sent that text meant for Jackie, to ADAM!
I intended that first text for Jackie…This was what I ended up sending to Jackie…
That was incredibly stupid of me. Even so, Adam doesn’t seem too bothered. I had my expensive watch band on my Apple Watch, when he’d spanked me. He held my wrists, while he kept my hands out of the way. My watch band had pressed against my wrist, so I wound up with a bruised and sore wrist. Oh well. If that’s the worst of it all, it’s fine by me!
I’m not sure if my friends “Paddlefan” or “AZPop” will see this, but Adam mentioned y’all. When I was arguing with him, he told me to ask y’all. He insisted Paddlefan and AZPop would be on his side of this debate about whether I should be punished, or not… 😜
I lied to Adam, a couple hours ago. Yesterday, I was so heated. I was ready to drive over to this lady’s office and raise hell about the excessive bill she was trying to give us. I talked with Adam about it. I told him I was going to go in there and see what I could do, today. Well, after my calmer head had taken over, I decided my best option would be to send an email to her. I knew if I was actually there, face to face with this chick, I’d punk out. Adam had text me and asked if I’d figured anything out, yet. I told him I’d emailed. I elaborated, by saying that I didn’t know if she’d be in the office anyway, so I emailed instead. He said okay. A few minutes later, I got a phone call from the accountant lady. I wasn’t rude, but I did get answers. I got her to reduce her price by about half. Which, was great! When I text Adam, to let him know, I mentioned that I’d sort of fibbed about why I’d emailed. I told him I knew I should’ve just told him this, in the first place. I really didn’t want to admit I’d lost my nerve. It’s not that easy to confront someone! Especially when you’re not full of anger and frustration, anymore. I can’t quite gauge Adam’s level of seriousness. I know he means it, but maybe not in the “I’m going to be sleeping on my stomach” kind of way? Or, maybe he is pissed? He’s calm and collected, regardless. So, it’s impossible to tell, for sure, what’s coming. For anyone who doesn’t already know, when Adam asks me to “step into his office”, that means I’m fixing to get a spanking. Every once in awhile, it’s just to talk. Most always, I’m going to walk back out with a sore behind. I suspect we won’t simply be discussing this little white lie, tonight.
I haven’t been this kind of nervous, for him to get home from work, since January. It’s been 3 months. I’m ticked off with myself, for ending this streak of awesome.
I ended up cutting Adam’s hair when he got home, yesterday. I’d told Jackie we would be over, as soon as I finished his haircut and he showered quick. Then, Jackie asked if I’d cut Justin’s hair, too? She likes the way I’ve done Adam’s, and Justin needed a haircut. So, I brought my clippers, shears, and combs. I hadn’t ever thought much about how intimate it really is, when you’re cutting someone’s hair. With Adam, and my kids, it’s never occurred to me how close you are to someone. Or, how often you’re touching them. Justin is a great guy. He’s truly a good friend of ours. It was just a different experience, doing my best friend’s boyfriend’s hair. They were both happy with the results, though!
I still needed to blend the front. We weren’t finished, in this picture. Jackie always takes a whole bunch of photos. I love that she does it 😊
Their brisket was absolutely incredible! I don’t really care for steak. I don’t hate it, but it’s not something I get excited about. I expected brisket to be similar. It’s not. I called it “the bacon of beef”. I will definitely be eating that again!
Deliciousness!
After supper, we played cards against humanity. It’s a hilarious game, so long as everybody in the group has our sense of humor. We had a blast. It gets silly.
Our faces after I played the cards in the next picture…I totally won that hand. 😂
I had looked at my watch, and seen it was a little before midnight. We were all having fun, so I thought we’d stay a little longer. The next thing we knew, it was 2:00am! We’d brought the kids home, after supper. They wanted to hang out here, since Mj’s best friend was staying. We made the five minute drive home. The kids were down in the basement. They had popcorn, chips, and movies playing. They were sound asleep, when we got home. We brushed our teeth, and climbed into bed. I can’t even remember what it was that Adam said, but he accused me of rolling my eyes, after he’d said it. I hadn’t rolled my eyes, but since he claimed he could see what I was doing, I flipped him off. I stayed like that, middle fingers up. He hadn’t noticed. So, I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about, because I’d been flipping him off for the last 30 seconds, and he didn’t see it. I guess the beer I’d drank, and our silly shenanigans all evening, had me thinking I was being funny. Adam didn’t laugh, though. He pulled me over his lap and told me he was going to spank me for 30 seconds. I had one of his t-shirts on. He pulled it up, and my panties down. Then, he spanked me so hard and so fast. I began to plead with him, “You’re going to make me scream and cry!” He’d never spanked me in that quick, non stop, repetitious way. When I get a tattoo, I learn how long I can count in my head, until the artist lifts the needle, and I get that moment of relief. It’s how I stay still and calm. I focus on the break in pain that I know is coming, in 3..2..1, as I countdown. Adam has always given me a break, in between every swat. Not last night. I do not like it! I’d have completely lost control, if he hadn’t stopped, shortly after I’d told him I was about to. I snuggled into his chest, with his arm wrapped around me, and fell asleep. I woke up later, to Adam removing my panties again. This time, for a different purpose. We made love, and then went back to sleep. I woke up this morning, wearing only his t-shirt. Overall, it was a wonderful Saturday night. No more teasing my husband with my middle fingers, though.
If I never get put over our bed, and spanked like I was last night, it’ll be too soon…
I pay most all of our bills through our banking app, or Apple Pay. For some reason, every once in awhile, something goes wrong. I scheduled one of our utility bills to come out of our account, weeks ago. I didn’t think about it again, until we got a notice that it hadn’t been paid. I went online, scanned all of my scheduled and past payments debited from our main account, and it wasn’t there. I’m still not sure how, but it disappeared. Adam didn’t doubt me, when I told him I know I had scheduled it. What he lectured me on, was not checking to make sure it had come out. This has happened before, several months ago. I agreed, I’m going to have to be more vigilant about double checking, but I didn’t feel like it was fair to get punished. Adam disagreed. He wasn’t grouchy, when he got home. We ate supper. I cleaned the kitchen. Jackie and I talked, for awhile. Adam came in, around 8:30pm, and asked me if I was ready to go take a shower. We walked into our room, and he announced, “Alright, let’s get this over with.” I protested! He swatted my butt a couple of times. It didn’t even hurt that bad. I was angry, though. I looked up at him and asked, “Are you done yet?!” He said, “Apparently not.” I refused to surrender, this time. I was mouthy. I wouldn’t give him the yes sir, he was looking for… I couldn’t begin to guess how many times his hand connected with my behind, before I finally gave in. I was struggling to contain the tears trying to escape from my eyes. Adam’s voice softened. His hands gently held onto me. He told me that, this hurts him too. Believe me, I wanted to say something snarky, but I held back.
I didn’t sleep well, last night. I couldn’t get comfortable, no matter what position I tried. My butt ached. I’d lay on my belly. My neck didn’t appreciate that. It was a long night, tossing and turning. Adam asked me, this morning, how I slept? I just groaned, because I knew that he knew I’d been rolling around, all night. He leaned over, kissed my forehead, and told me he loved me.
I texted him, awhile ago. I wanted to show him that I’d paid another utility bill.
Despite my sore, achy body, I’ve gotten a lot accomplished, today. The sun is shining. That helps. I can’t explain why I’m so stubborn, sometimes? I just have a very hard time accepting or admitting fault, once in awhile. When I’m seriously angry, my inner sarcastic bitch is unleashed. Until the last several months, even Adam didn’t choose to go up against her.
We’re having Jackie’s baby niece’s first birthday party here, tomorrow. After that, we’re heading to my dads. I really want it to be a fun, easygoing kind of weekend. I have absolutely zero intention of doing anything to find myself bent over this bed, unless I’m enjoying it!
It was only Adam’s second day, at this office, and he ended up working late, last night. He didn’t get home until after 7:00pm. The kids had already eaten supper. I couldn’t eat. The kids were downstairs playing ping pong, while I watched and waited for Adam to get here. It was honestly a relief, when I finally saw his truck pull in our driveway.
Even when he’s upset with me, Adam always strolls into the kitchen, and gives me his sideways grin. You’d think it was an ornery type of smile, if I didn’t know better. I smile when I’m nervous. Adam smiles when he’s keeping himself calm, and holding back something. We obviously have “real” smiles, most always. These smiles, last night, were not them, though. He looked at me. I blurted out, “Jackie went out to eat with new guy. The kids are downstairs, playing ping pong.” I went on, “New guy brought Jackie beer. He took her out to eat. How’s come Jackie gets beer and food and I’m in trouble?” Adam replied, “Jackie isn’t really my concern, right now. And, besides, give them some time. Remember when [you did the first really stupid thing, after we’d just started dating]?” He was referring to an incident, years ago. He did not punish me, that time. I wasn’t getting a “get out of jail free card”, this time.
Adam pointed towards our bedroom, and said, “let’s go”. I put my head down, and walked to our bedroom, with Adam following closely. He shut and locked our door. There wasn’t much conversation. He just bent me over our bed, pulled my pants down, and spanked me. I’ve only had one spanking worse than the one I received last night. After a round of perfectly aimed swats landed on my backside, he paused. Then, he began to lecture me about how irresponsible I had been. He still worried there could end up being some form of legal trouble, at least for Jackie. I should’ve used my better judgement, and never gone along with our stupid plan. After he’d finished lecturing me, he put me back over our bed, and gave me a whole new round of very attention getting swats.
Adam held me in his arms, while I clung tightly to him. He reassured me that he loves me, and there’s nothing I could ever do to change that. He came out to the kitchen, to grab his supper. He told me to eat, too. I couldn’t eat, though.
I had told Jackie I would text her when it was “safe” to come back home. She and new guy walked in, shortly after I sent her the “all clear” message. Adam was sitting in the living room, and Jackie walked over to him. She asked him if he was mad at her? Adam told her no. She asked him if he’s disappointed in her. He said yes. She got teary eyed, and Adam gave her a hug. New guy cheered everyone up. He is a really good man. We all talked for awhile, and the mood was much better, all around.
When we went to bed, Adam started to run his hands over my body. As he began to remove my shirt, I asked him to love me. He gently replied, “What do you think I’m doing?” Then, he made love to me. I slept in his arms, although I had to stay on my belly. My behind still hurts.
Jackie and I are heading over to ship this damned box of crap back to the company.
I need to start right off by saying, this is not for everyone. I’m only discussing what’s right for me, and what works for my husband and I.
Why does Adam spank me? To put it simply, because it works! I respond to him much differently, when he has the ability to “humble” me. I’m very quick witted. I can successfully argue just about anything, even if I’m wrong. I don’t back down easily. I am stubborn. Knowing that Adam can, and will, very calmly bring me into our bedroom, pull my pants down, and spank my behind without hesitation, changes the way I choose to interact with him. It forces me to stop and think, before I say or do something that I shouldn’t.
Why would you want to be treated like a child? You should be equal to your spouse! Personally, I don’t believe my husband and I are “equal”. We are certainly valued, equally. We are not the same, though. He has strengths that I readily admit I do not. He is a man, who takes his responsibilities as a husband and a provider very seriously. I am a woman. I have chosen to take the role of his helper. I have different responsibilities. I also have so many privileges that he doesn’t. I can stay inside, where there’s a constant comfortable temperature. I make decisions about our home and our children. I make decisions for myself. I even make plenty of decisions for Adam. The only time I’m “overruled”, is when Adam says so. He doesn’t do that often, though! I am perfectly able to voice my opinions. I can argue my perspectives. The only thing I cannot do, is disrespect my husband. If I try to argue with him by insulting him, or berating him, that just isn’t accepted. If a decision is made, and I disobey it, that is not acceptable. If I didn’t trust my husband to always be looking out for me and for our family, I would never have married him! I want, hell I need, my husband to be a leader. I appreciate his authority. I don’t want that job! We are living out a “traditional” marriage, in a modern world. I’ve said many times, I am not a doormat. I am not invisible. I am not meek and silent and abused. Adam works his ass off every single minute, so that I can have all the things I could ever want. He literally lives to make his family safe, comfortable, and content. He puts our needs first, always. All he wants is a little respect. I’m doing my best to give it to him. Still, I’m a flawed human being. I’ve lived most of my life thinking, talking, and acting the way I “felt like”. When Adam spanks me, I realize several things at once. First, holy crap, he means it. Second, holy crap, he loves me, even though he’s really upset. He doesn’t yell at me, because I do not respond well to it. He knows that. He knows when to be firm, and when to show me some softness. He knows me. He’s taken the time to learn who I am, and what works for us. Will this work for everyone? Of course not. I am happy. I am secure. I am satisfied. I am madly in love with my husband, and he loves me right back, in all the ways I need.
I also have to throw in, that Adam and I talk to each other much more than other couples I know. We don’t hold back. We can tell each other anything. There aren’t secrets. We just speak to each other respectfully. Adam respects me. He doesn’t insult me. He doesn’t bark orders at me. He puts me first! I am very well looked after, and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.
One more thing worth mentioning, is that Adam and I have more sex than other couples I know. Like a lot more sex. We’ve been together for 14 years, and I am crazy about him. We haven’t gotten bored with each other. We definitely aren’t boring, in bed. I may be trying my best to be a lady in the streets, but best believe, I’m a freak in the sheets…for Adam 😉
Adam didn’t get home from work until after 7:00pm, last night. We had, what I call, a “fend” night. I got out leftover chili, beef and noodles, and lasagne. The kids had already eaten and gone off to their rooms to do their own things, by the time Adam got home. I was loading the dishwasher, when he walked into the kitchen. He smiled at me, then gestured toward our bedroom, and told me to come with him. I asked him, “Don’t you want to eat first?” He said nope, he’d eat later. He wanted to “do this” now. I walked to our bedroom. He followed, close behind.
As soon as he shut the door, I held up my hands, as if to say “stop for a second”, and I told him I needed to say something. I explained, “Do you remember Shannon’s friend, Sheyenne?” He nodded. I went on, “I was talking to Shannon, and Sheyenne asked me if I was going to see my mom. I told her absolutely not. She gave me the most condescending look and told me ‘that’s your MOM’. It really upset me, because she has no idea what she’s talking about, but made that kind of judgement and it made me feel like I had done something horrible. Then, Jelly Roll’s new song dropped, and you know that’s hard for me. I was just so sad, pissed off, frustrated, and overwhelmed. I know I took that out on you, and I’m sorry for that.”
Adam just said, “You’re right. You shouldn’t have handled it that way.” Then, he walked over to me, and bent me over the edge of our bed. He placed his left hand on my back, pulled my pants down, and began to spank me with his hand. I wiggled and squirmed, and shouted, “OWW ADAM, THAT HURTS!” I’ve never said that, during a spanking, before. He lifted his left hand, off my back, and I slid down on my hands and knees, onto the floor. I pushed my face into the side of our bed. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t speak or move. Adam picked me up, sat on our bed, and put me on his lap. I straddled him, with my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. I continued to cry into his shoulder. His whole demeanor had softened. He held me and we spent a long time like that. He told me how much he loves me, and that he is always here for me. He said that he wishes I would just come and talk to him, when I’m having a bad day, because he’s on my side. He said that I don’t even have to talk about things I’m not ready to. I can just tell him I’m having a bad day, and then talk more when I’m ready. The only thing I cannot do, is speak to him like I had, the night before. I don’t remember what it was he said, but he made me giggle, a couple of times, during this conversation, too. He got serious again, and asked me, “Are you going to work on doing a better job of communicating with me?” I nodded. He tilted his head, and gave me a “look”. I said, “yes, sir”. Then he told me, “Good. Now we have to finish your spanking. We’re only halfway through.” I was still straddling his lap. He wrapped his arm around me, giving me no way to escape or even move. I clung to his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, again. The last half of my spanking wasn’t as painful, but it wasn’t pleasant either.
When it was over, Adam held me for awhile. Finally, he stood us both up, and kissed the top of my head. I walked into our bathroom. He went out to the kitchen, to get his supper. I stood in front of the mirror, willing myself not to let anymore tears come. Despite my best efforts, more tears escaped. I kept using my hands to dry my eyes, before they could fall down my cheeks. I think I needed that “release”. To let myself cry for a minute. There’s never a good time to do that. You can’t just carve out time to go fall apart. It builds and builds, until I can’t hold it in any longer.
The rest of our evening was peaceful. We spent nearly an hour talking in the shower. When we climbed in bed, I laid my head on Adam’s chest for a few minutes. Then, I sat up, and looked him in the eyes. I asked him, “Please love me. I need you to love me.” Then, I pulled him so he was laying on top of me. He was very tender and spent a lot of time kissing me, and running his hands over my body. I woke up, this morning, wearing only his t-shirt. My behind is a little sore. I feel a lot better, though. Emotionally, I’m in a much better place. I had asked Adam, last night, “When does it stop? How long is my mother going to be able to hurt me like this? Why can’t I make it stop?!” He told me that, it probably won’t ever stop, but he’s always going to be here for me, and that he wished he could take it away. I really did marry my Prince Charming. ❤️
Adam told me that he’d been very angry, on Tuesday evening, but he wanted to give me some time. He wanted to know if I would be sorry. He wanted to see if I would be sorry for what I’d done to him, or sorry for myself. Would I recognize how disrespectful I’d been, and would I apologize? I did all of those things, yesterday. It surprised me to know that was how he felt. I guess, I thought he would’ve done something right away, if he’d been upset. He said that he didn’t think I would react well to having him call me out, while I was so angry and frustrated myself. He also told me, now that he knows I recognize how disrespectful I can be, he will not hesitate to address it, immediately. He pointed out a couple of times I’ve spoken disrespectfully to, or about, him, recently. I hadn’t even caught that! It wasn’t blatant, nasty, hateful things I’d said. I had called him a “pushover”, at my Dad’s house, the last time we were over there for a guitar night. I’d made comments that belittled him, and I wasn’t thinking about how wrong that was. Adam said, he lets too many things like that go, without confronting me about them. He isn’t going to do that, anymore.
Jackie brought a 12 pack of beer in, when she got home from work. I’d been texting her about what was going on, with Adam and me. We each sat in the kitchen and drank one. I had made a casserole that was ready to go into the oven, as soon as Adam got home. It only needed 20-30 minutes to bake. I was watching our front door camera, waiting to see Adam’s truck go past. I’d just finished my beer, when it happened. He was pulling in the driveway, as I threw my empty beer can away. I quickly grabbed one more from the fridge. I chugged that thing so fast, it was gone before he walked into the kitchen! I was so nervous.
Adam had gone into our bedroom, before he came into the kitchen, to say hello. I suspected what he was doing…Taking a belt from our closet and setting it out. He looked so sexy, when he strode in to greet Jackie and I. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up, revealing his big, strong as hell forearms. Jackie started to talk to him about all kinds of random crap. I knew she was stalling for me. Adam didn’t seem to be in a bad mood. He was smiling and chatting, like normal. Finally, he turned to me and asked me how long til supper? I explained, I just needed to throw the casserole in the oven. He said “Perfect. Let’s go step into my office.” I really did intend to go with him, willingly. I knew I deserved whatever was coming to me. For some reason, I couldn’t make my feet move, though. He didn’t wait for me to move them. He picked me up and carried me into our bedroom. The dogs had followed, and as he was shooing them out the door, I started to walk towards the door, too. I was only playing. I always try to bring, even the tiniest bit of humor, into tough moments. Adam grinned, grabbed onto my arm, and said, “Nuh-uh, Eve”.
As I’d suspected, he had a belt laid out on our bed. He bent me over our bed. I immediately flipped over, onto my back. I looked up at him. I had tears welling up, in my eyes. I told him, “Adam, I’m scared.” I do not use that phrase, often. I don’t abuse it. I never say it to take advantage of my husband’s love for me. He knows that. He pulled me up, hugging me close. I pressed my face into his chest and started bawling. He smelled so good. This was what I’d wished for, all day. Adam’s “gentle” hands. He put his hand under my chin, and lifted my face so I was looking him in his eyes. His expression was kind. He said, “Baby, you know this has to happen. I need you to understand, this is serious. I love you so much, even when I’m very angry with you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. Let’s get this over with.” He laid me back down, on our bed. He left my jeans on, and put his left hand on my back, to keep me still. He spanked me with the belt, I don’t know, at least 6 times. Then, he sat down next to me. He talked about all of the things I wrote about, at the beginning of this post. I said a lot of yes, sir and no, sir’s. I was not expecting what happened next! He pulled me over his lap, pulled my jeans and panties down, and spanked me with his hand, hard. It hurt so much worse than the belt had. After, I’d guess, a dozen of those, he was finished. I was a mess of tears, and my nose was running. My hair had been in a ponytail. It was now loosely hanging on one side of my head, with hair stuck to my face. Adam wiped my hair from my face. He stood there, just staring into my eyes. I was sobbing, and breathing like I’d just sprinted a couple miles. I looked back into his eyes. My breaths slowed. We stayed like that for, what felt like, a long time. Finally, he spoke. “Just know, this is what happens, the next time you disrespect me like that.” I replied, “Yes, sir.”
When we emerged from “the office” (our bedroom, but Adam calls it that, when I’m in trouble), Jackie had turned up the music I’d had playing, in the kitchen. She’d also preheated the oven, and then put my casserole in. It was almost finished. This tells me, we were in there for 45 minutes, or so. It’s hard to have a concept of time, when we’re in there because I’m being spanked. Jackie didn’t ask me any questions. We went on with our evening. I’m sure we’ll talk, later today. She could tell that I wasn’t ready for a conversation about how it went. I’m sure it was obvious in the way I must’ve looked, too.
This morning, I drove our son to a local event center, for a “construction contest” he’s doing. I’ll have to go back to pick him up, this afternoon. He was real excited. It was COLD, outside. My heated seats don’t feel very good on a freshly spanked bottom, though. Adam and I are good. There’s no anger or animosity. It’s a new day. This is my favorite thing about the way our marriage works. I screw up. I get lectured and punished. It’s over.
I teased Adam, last night, about how his “fan club” had been on “his side”, on my blog.
These texts, between Adam and I, pretty much sum up my day here…
I started to text Jackie because I was going crazy and needed to talk to someone else!
I think I’m fixing to find out just how hard Adam’s hands can get. Despite the way it may seem, when I write about the stupid shit I do and say sometimes, I don’t look forward to it. I don’t enjoy it, when he’s punishing me. I especially, don’t enjoy it, when he’s really disappointed in me. I don’t think I’ve made him this upset in years. I suppose, I probably have, but he hasn’t spanked me for it, in years. I guess I’ll write in here tomorrow, when tonight is finally over with. I swear, the clock is moving so slowly, because I just want it all to be done. At the same time, I’m not excited for Adam to get home from work. I am sooo, truly sorry. I wish I could rewind and redo last night. I wish I could take it all back.
I was standing here, in front of my kitchen sink, listening to the sound of my kids playing and laughing outside. My daughter’s best friend is here, for the weekend. The three of them are having so much fun. I see them jump on the trampoline. I see them running around on the swing set, playing hide and seek. Oliver (our dog) chases them. It’s the most precious sights and sounds. I thought, I need more time. It isn’t long enough that I have left, hearing their laughter, while I’m watching my kids play out in our backyard. They keep on growing up. One day, not long enough from now, I won’t be able to look out my window, and see my babies playing happily. They’ll be off, doing grown up things, with their own lives to live. They won’t be here, everyday. This is very hard for me to think about. I know the goal is to raise independent, intelligent, productive people. Grow them into people who can go out into the world and make something for themselves. I only wish I could slow it down, just a little. I’m trying to “soak in” these last years, with them here. I’m trying to live “in the moment”, with them, while they’re here. How many more Christmas seasons will my children be here to help me decorate? I do a thing, every year, we call “25 days of Christmas”. It starts on Nov 30. Every single day is an activity. I plan a calendar. Some days we are making a paper chain to count down the days til Christmas. Some days, we’re drinking hot cocoa and watching a Christmas themed movie. Some days, we make cards to send to soldiers who are deployed, and won’t be home for Christmas. We make “wish lists”. We donate to those less fortunate. We make gift bags to hand out to the homeless, full of all kinds of essentials and yummy snacks. We make cookies and candy. How much longer? I look forward to making our “25 days of Christmas” calendar, every year!
Everyone has their gifts. Everyone has something they are just real good at. My thing? Being a mama. That’s all I ever wanted. Since I was a small child, I dreamt of becoming a mom. I’m not perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes. Being their mama is my pride and joy, though. Being a good mama is everything to me. Of course, I aim to be the best wife, sister, daughter, and friend that I can be. I’m doing the thing I was meant to, right now. But, I need more time! There’s still so much I want to do with my babies. I’m not ready for them to grow.
I wrote the first half of this, yesterday evening. It is now Saturday morning. Adam did go into work, early. I felt him climb out of bed at around 5:00am. I stayed in bed. I was watching a movie, Christmas themed (of course), with the dogs curled up in bed with me. I heard our system announce “person detected at front door”. I grabbed my phone and checked. It was my son, running out to meet an adult friend of ours who hires him to help with his Lawncare business, sometimes. They had made tentative plans to do some work, but I never dreamed they’d actually be working in this cold weather. I got up and went to go check outside. I wanted to see if there was any snow. We did not get snow here. We did get some ICE, though. The rain has frozen into a nice sheet of ice over everything. I panicked and sent Adam a text. I told him I don’t like our son being out in it! Adam insisted the roads are fine. I sent this picture I took of the deck, covered in ice.
Hard to see, but that IS ice frozen on the table, chairs, and deck there.
I text our son. I didn’t think it looked like he had a heavy coat on, when he left. He insisted that he did have it, and he would stay safe. I had to laugh, because our son is just like Adam, when he texts me. It’s both adorable and frustrating!
The arrow there points to the screenshot of my texts with our son. I sent it to Adam.
One more thing I wanted to add to my post, for today. The truth is, I’m still embarrassed. I realized, last night, that I had done something Adam absolutely hates, a few days ago. He’s had a long week. I never wanted to add to it. So, I had sort of, totally “sidestepped” the truth about something really stupid. I knew I was going to have to tell him. I wasn’t sure I’d find the courage to do it last night, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it in for long.
When we got in the shower, I asked him, “So, what if I told you something that made you real mad, this week. This week, that I’ve tried SO hard to be supportive and a great wife. This week, that you’ve not quite been yourself.” He asked me what I was trying to tell him? I immediately started to sob. I mean, I was shook up. I explained that I have felt so proud and so good. I told him, I know it was stupid. I wanted to tell him the truth in a way that caused the least upset or aggravation, because he was not very happy, all week. He softened, a lot. He reminded me that he has not come home angry or been mean. I said I knew that, but I can feel his tension in every text message. I can feel it, the moment he walks in the door. All I want to do is make it better. If I can’t do that, at least, not make it worse! The last time that I did this, was the worst spanking I’d received. I was afraid of that, but I was devastated to lose the progress I’d made. I was bawling because I felt like a failure, and it hurt me, probably as much as Adam! I know that my, very obvious, recognition of how serious this was to him, softened Adam’s own frustration with the situation. He didn’t insult me or raise his voice. He didn’t even look angry. His eyes were kind. He cupped my face in his hands, wiped my tears, and put his face close to mine. He told me he is still very proud of how hard I’ve worked to do the things he’s asked. He promised me that, this setback doesn’t erase all of the good I’ve done. He said, “I love you so much, baby. I’m never going to expect you to be perfect.” Then, he told me he forgot to wear his seatbelt, the other day, but he hadn’t told me about it. Finally, he kissed me, and said that I was still getting a spanking. I must’ve looked pitiful, because he gave me a grin and told me it would be cruel if he didn’t punish me. He wasn’t mad at me, but he couldn’t let it go without a spanking, because that would be inconsistent. I tend to have many more failures when he isn’t consistent. He knows this. I understood. I wasn’t excited, but I completely understand what he was saying. I expected it to be much worse, if I’m honest. I was afraid he would be angrier than I’ve ever seen. I was so ashamed to add more shit to his, already shitty, week. I hadn’t even felt any guilt, before last night, because I truly feel like I’m protecting him, when I skate around the truth about something that doesn’t hurt anyone. I feel like I’m helping, in the moment. It’s hard to explain, but Adam understands me well. He knows what I mean.
When we got out of the shower, he ushered me toward our bed. I had my towel wrapped around me. I asked, “Can’t I, at least, put my shirt on?!” I almost always wear one of Adam’s t-shirts to bed. He shook his head, picked me up in his arms, and carried me to our bed. I didn’t want to fight him. I knew I had done wrong. It’s not easy to hold still, when you’re so fearful, though. I’d reached my hand around to cover my bottom. Adam reminded me, “Don’t try to block. It’ll just earn you more of these.” I moved my hand. He was smiling. He does that when he’s sympathetic of my situation. He’s very patient, but won’t let me escape punishment. He lifted my towel, and swatted my butt several times, with his hand. It was not pleasant, but not nearly as painful or serious as the last time. Then, he sat down beside me. He told me he could see how truly sorry I was. He said that, he could see how hard I’m trying, and he felt guilty that I didn’t feel comfortable coming to him about something so stupid, this week. He told me he was going to work on that. He never wants me to hold back from telling him the complete truth, because I’m afraid he will be mean or cruel. He assured me, he will never be any harder on me, if I screw up when he’s had a bad day.
I wanted my husband, when we went to bed. I started to run my hands through his chest hair and slowly down, further south on his body. He asked me, “Are you sure you’re ready?” My lady parts were feeling pretty good. I wanted to try. We both got laid last night, and we both enjoyed it!
Chronicles in Submission 