Saturday evening, and into the night, we had a blast. Justin and Jackie ate supper here, with the kids, Adam, and I. Then, the kids put on a movie, and we went downstairs. It had started raining, so we cleared a space in the basement, and brought our cornhole boards inside. I had just gotten new cornhole bags, and for some reason they are leaving this powdery stuff everywhere. The floor was covered in it. It was worth the annoying clean up, though. We had a lot of silly fun.
Adam spun me around. I was sooo dizzy! These goofballs Jackie was teasing Adam and Justin, trying to hold the door closed š
Sunday, we all went to church. It was beautiful out, when we went in. When we came out, an hour and a half later, temps had dropped by about 25 degrees. It was so chilly! A storm had blown in, bringing heavy rain and winds. By the time we got home (about a 10 minute drive), the sun was shining again, and air was warming back up. It was the strangest thing! After all that, we spent the rest of our Sunday being lazy, at home.
Itās been a busy Monday here, for me. These last weeks of school get super hectic. One of the kids seems to have something going on everyday. A friend of mine had tried to call me, while I was busy doing school activities. When I got home, I returned the phone call. That wound up being over 2 hours I spent, chatting with an old friend. I washed and hung out all our bedding. I brought it inside, and made the beds. I baked some cookies. Then, I made the meatloaf weāre having for supper. Iāve got that in the oven, along with green bean casserole. Iām fixing mashed potatoes, too. Adamās on his way home. Wyattās outside cutting the grass. Mj is pulling weeds from out front of the house. Itās just another day in my paradise. ā¤ļø
Iāve got my mantle decorated for summer, now! I love it š
Last night was a lot of fun, with Justin and Jackie. We played cornhole, out back. I checked on our baby birds. The birds make nests up under our deck, and I insist on making sure thereās no eggs or babies in them, before Adam removes them. There was one Iād found babies in, so weāre having fun watching them grow.
ā¤ļø
My son, Wyatt, was sick with a stomach bug. Yesterday, he had a horrible headache, and then started throwing up. My niece, Pj, also came down with this. Today, Wyatt and Pj are feeling better, but my sister is currently sick with this crud, now. So far, nobody else at our house has gotten this. Iām praying it stays that way!
Adam went into work, for a few hours. He said heāll be coming home around noon. Weāre planning to grill some chicken, this evening, and have Justin and Jackie over. Weād hoped to play more cornhole, and hang out outside, but itās dreary and cloudy. Itās only mid 60ās out, too. If we canāt be outside, Iām sure weāll find fun inside. Mj is going to help me make some brownies, and the pasta salad Iām fixing for tonight, with supper. We had a quiet Saturday morning, at our house.
Last night, we came inside around 11:00pm, since Adam had to get up and go into work. I was being silly. My dad taught me āpig Latinā, when I was a little kid. We used to talk to each other, like that, a lot. Iāve been saying things in pig Latin, to be a smart ass. I said āeye rollā, in pig Latin, and giggled. I didnāt actually roll my eyes. We were brushing our teeth, and Adam was annoyed. He reached over, and gave me a smack on my behind. I protested. I argued that saying āeye rollā, is not the same as doing it! Adam disagrees. For whatever reason, Iād decided this was a hill I was going to ādie onā. A battle I refused to lose. I was not going to retreat from this. I said āeye rollā several times. Each time, Adam spanked me. I wouldnāt give in, though. Then, he put me over our bed, and spanked me hard. He said I was trying to get around his rules, and being disrespectful. After, he climbed into bed, and pulled me close to him. I started to cry. I told him I was just messing around! I was irritated, that he was punishing me for, what I felt was teasing. He never raised his voice, but he wouldnāt let me argue, either. Adam says itās disrespectful. He says thereās lots of ways I can tease him, without doing or saying disrespectful things. This morning, I can see his point. Although, itās not that easy to accept. I donāt feel that Iām doing anything wrong. He does. My sore behind, means he winsā¦
Weāre grilling, and spending the evening outside. Justin and Jackie are here. Iām determined to have another fun evening, without a repeat of last nightās ending. Other than that, itās been a real good weekend!
I had my appointment, with the OBGYN doc, yesterday. She was awesome. She had my blood drawn, and tested for a bunch of things. I already got results, today. My lady hormones are perfect. My iron was also perfect, which is amazing! Iām not even a little bit anemic. Everything, except my vitamin D levels, was great. My vitamin D was scarily low. I havenāt felt bad, though! Apparently, this can cause period problems. Also, I have an autoimmune disease that makes it harder for my body to absorb nutrients from foods. I just have to take a high dose vitamin D pill, and should get back to good. I was very happy to know whatās going on.
Jackie and I went shopping around, today. I found some cute things, for around the house. I wanted some gerber daisies, for my deck. I found those, and some. We had a fun afternoon!
I got hungryā¦šFound that canvas sign, and had to hang it in Adam and my bedroom ā¤ļøAlso got a new lamp, for this area. The one I had was too big. Iām going to use the old one downstairs, now that Iāve got a perfect one for this spot.
Iām making beef and noodles, for supper. Then, Justin and Jackie are coming over. We talked about playing cornhole, or maybe ping pong. Weāre going to do something fun, anyhow!
That about catches up on all the excitement, here in my world.
I was thinking about this Bud Light controversy. When they decided to sponsor Dylan Mulvaney, of all people, I did take issue with it. Not because Dylan is ātransā. Truthfully, I couldnāt care less about that part. They couldāve put a whole host of other trans people on a can, and it wouldnāt have bothered me a bit. Caitlyn Jenner. Blaire White. Buck Angel! I could roll with any of them, and plenty of other trans folks. The thing is, being a woman isnāt just about what you put on. Many trans women have a deep appreciation for what it is to be a woman. Dylan, on the other hand, literally seems to just want to wear āwoman faceā. Itās not a costume to put on. The very first video of ādays of girlhoodā Dylan made, was insulting. Dylan claimed, āFirst day of being a girl, and I already cried 3 times, for no reason. Told someone I was fine when I wasnāt. And, purchased unnecessary items.ā Shortly after, Dylan made a ridiculous video in the woods, āhikingā around in high heels. Appeared to see a ābugā, and proceeded to freak out, scream like a 5 year old, and fell over. Another insult, as far as I was concerned. The final straw, was when Dylan began to publicly advocate for medically and surgically ātransitioningā children. Thereās a reason kids arenāt allowed to sign a contract. Hell, they canāt even watch a PG movie at school, without a parentās permission. Child molestation, and statutory rape are crimes, because children cannot consent to sex. They lack the foresight adults gain, through age and time. Their brains are literally not even fully developed yet. Their bodies arenāt, either. I sincerely believe that giving children drugs that alter their bodies, and especially permanent surgeries to do so, is outright evil. What an adult decides to do with their own body is their own choice to make. Iām not ever going to spread any kind of animosity or hate for them. In fact, thatās my whole philosophyā¦live and let live. Iāll not be convinced that children can grasp the realities of these mind and body altering things weāre experimenting on our bodies with. I have my own babies, who I love more than life itself. That love will never ever change, when they grow up and show me who they are. Regardless of what that looks like. They will get to grow up, though. They will be encouraged, supported, and most assuredly loved, as they develop. They will be given many opportunities. One thing I will not do to them, is change them in any way that canāt be reversed. If they want to color their hair, or cut it, or grow it out, thatās fine. They may wear the things they like to. They can play the games they enjoy. They will be allowed to figure out just who they are, without fear of losing my affection for them.
I am not hateful. I donāt consider myself to be particularly judgmental. We are all allowed to make up our own minds and form opinions. I will always advocate for children. Iām unashamed of my desire to protect them from something that I believe to be absolutely wrong. Itās an adultās right to decide whatās right, for themselves. A child simply cannot understand the gravity of adult decisions. Anyway, thatās where I stand. And, this is why I do. I come from a place of love and concern. My thoughts arenāt formed from hate or malice. I genuinely believe what Iām saying, to my very core.
My babies mean everything to me ā¤ļø
On another note, I started my period. This morning, I was very relieved to discover my body had resumed its normal functioning. I am going to an appointment with my OBGYN, on Thursday. Jackieās even coming with me. Just wanting to make sure everything is good. So, now my family and friends will be able to rest easy, knowing Iām taking the steps to assure everyone that Iām alright. š
Yesterday, I decided to take all of our air vents, from around the house, and wash them. I scrubbed them, and even got the return air vent looking like brand new. Iāve tried, several times, with no success. This time, I brought everything out on the deck. I had hot, soapy water, a bottle brush, a nipple brush, and some Gain āpower blastā spray. All of that, mixed with a lot of āelbow greaseā, got everything cleaned up great! Itās been sunny and beautiful weather, so Iāve been in the mood to find things to deep clean, around the house. I cleaned both our kitchen fridge, and the garage one, inside and out. I had planned to wash the outsides of my washer and dryer, today, but I didnāt wind up getting to it. Maybe tomorrow? Iām fixing to brown some ground beef, and mix in taco seasoning. Iām making fiastadas for supper, tonight. Iām pretty sure Iāve already shared that recipe? Growing up, our school made them for lunch, sometimes. I got my fiastada recipe, and sloppy joe, from the same lady who made them for our lunches.
Justin and Jackie are going to come by here, in a little while. Weāre just planning to sit outside, enjoy the weather, and chat about nothing and everything. Jackie and I are also going shopping, this Friday. I want some gerber daisies, for my deck. Iām also hoping to find some summery decor, to put on my fireplace mantle. Itās getting to be time to take the Easter stuff and put it away, til next year. Woohoo, though! Inching closer and closer to summertime! And, thatās about everything I have, for today. Adamās been kinda treating me like Iām āfragileā, recently. I havenāt done anything to upset him, but he also isnāt teasing me as much as he normally does. When I text him, this morning, I asked him āguess what?ā
Iām anxious to get myself back to normal. Whatever that is! š
Iām sorry I havenāt updated here. Itās been a busy couple of days. Also, I was not feeling very good, yesterday. I text Jackie, Saturday night. Iād told her I was fixing to take a darned pregnancy test.
Jackie got here right as my delivery driver was bringing me one of those magic sticks to pee on, so I could figure out whether Iād be able to actually drink the beer Iād opened, or not. Yāall, Iāve never taken a negative pregnancy test. Every time I did, I was pretty sure I was pregnant. This amped up my anxiety about whether Iād see one line, or two. Jackie came into my bathroom with me, and read the instructions, while I did my part of the test taking. I put the cap on the little stick, sat it on a paper towel, right on the bathroom counter, and we waited.
First test I ever took, where I was happy I didnāt pass!
Iām not going to lie, I was seriously relieved to see the result. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but Iām scared to have another baby. I almost died, having Mj. I hemorrhaged, passed out, and woke up with a team of doctors and nurses working over me. I lost my first baby boy, in my second trimester. My next was born over 2 months early. My last, I had to go in and get shots in my hip, every single week, to help me keep her in longer. I still wound up spending 5 months on bed rest, and half a dozen trips to the hospital, because Iād started having contractions. Donāt get me wrong, my babies are WORTH IT! If I found out another one was coming, I would immediately love him or her, too. Itās just, I have taken several steps to ensure that another baby doesnāt happen. The only thing I was sorry about, was Jackieās disappointment. Also, Adam had seemed to be expecting a positive result. Iām not sure whether he was being encouraging, and sounding like he might be pretty okay with it, because he wanted to comfort me? Or, was he disappointed, when my test wasnāt positive?
My relief lasted a whole day. Yesterday, I felt āoffā. Bloated, moody, and my boobs ached bad enough, it had kept me up during the night before. Wyatt had a baseball game, and I was scheduled to work in the concession stand. I sucked it up, put on a smile, and went to his game. Adam came, after heād gotten off from work, to relieve my concession duties. Mj and I went home, and made supper. I just heated up some frozen pizzas. It was almost 9:00pm, by the time Adam and Wyatt got home. Adam knew I was feeling crummy. He held me, and rubbed my back, in the shower. When we got in bed, he pulled me over, on top of him, and softly ran his fingertips up and down my back. I couldnāt stay like that for as long as Iād have liked to. My dang boobs are sore. Thatās when Adam realized they were bothering me. He told me he wants me to go see the doctor.
This morning, I felt crappy enough that Iād fully intended to call and make an appointment. After Iād been up a few hours, Iād started feeling better. The only thing is, Iām still a little crampy. Also, my boobs still hurt, but I donāt think itās as bad as the last couple days. I donāt feel tired and miserable, though, like I did yesterday. I suspect itās just a weird month, and my period will come any day. I have one more pregnancy test. If I havenāt gotten my period, by Friday morning, Iām going to take it. Then, providing the test is negative, Iāll go see the doc if I donāt get my period by the time the next one is due. Itās TMI, but I am incredibly āregularā. Iāve kept track on my health app, since 2014. 24-26 days between periods, like clockwork, always. I did have some weird āspottingā for a couple days, about a week and a half after my last period, though. I honestly attributed that to the vigorous sex Adam and Iād had, the night before it began. It wasnāt anything like a typical period is, so I was sure that was the cause? Maybe thatās why Iām late? Maybe it wasnāt caused by what Iād thought it was, and my body is just out of whack, all the sudden? Iāve also had no problems providing natural lubrication, in the bedroom. Vaginal dryness is a sign youāre starting to run low on eggs, and beginning menopause. My sex drive is 100% in tact. Iāve never had a āhot flashā before. On the contrary, Iām cold until itās at least 75 degrees. So, who knows whatās goin on with me??
I havenāt mentioned it here, but Iāve been slightly concerned. My period is more than a week late. I feel like Iāve been PMSāing. I know Iāve been hormonal as hell. Iāve even been a little crampy. Still, not even a hint of the period I was expecting to arrive. Iām just past my āmid 30āsā, now. Iām too young for menopause. Iām also not exactly prepared to be pregnant, again. My period is always like clockwork, though. Iāve kept track, through an app on my phone, for years. This is the first time itās been off. I havenāt taken any pregnancy tests. Adam is aware, because he knows my cycle, probably better than I do. Still, Iām convinced itās got to be a weird month. Maybe Iām messed up because of Jackie and my sister? I should probably go ahead and schedule a doctors visit. I guess Iām in denial, right now. Neither of the options explaining my periodās absence are particularly appealing, to me. All I know, is this is not at all ānormalā for me.
Justin and Jackie came over. We played cornhole, out back. Jackie and I won, of course. I found a bird nest, up under our deck, that had baby birds in it.
Adam lifted me, so I could see if any baby birds were inside the nest. Sure enough, there were some in there.
Itās barely 7:00pm, and Iām exhausted. Yet another reason Iām concerned. This is certainly not like me. Iām absolutely convinced this is just a weird hormonal thing. Thereās no way I could be pregnant. No freaking wayā¦
And I’mma live it up for the weekend Pour it up, have the time of your life Take a shot for the regrets Double up and it’s bound to get buck wild Hey ladies, let your hair down We know ain’t nobody scared now, hell nah Just do your thing like it’s spring break Wake and bake and we’re at it again We live it up for the weekend
~Brantley Gilbert
The paddle brokeā¦
We played games downstairs, with the kids. After they went upstairs, Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I played ping pong awhile. Then, we went up and played a card game. Adam and Wyatt are outside cutting the grass. I ran a couple errands, and now waiting for Justin and Jackie to get here. Weāre going to sit outside, hang out, play cornhole, and then find some mischief (as usual).
I also got my dining chairs recovered. I didnāt remember to take before photos, but hereās the after.
Looks so much nicer!
Also, my baby niece, Pj, is getting SO big!! Sheās starting to sit herself up.
I donāt have much else to write about. Thought Iād share some pictures to speak words for me š
You need 4-6 potatoes. I prefer the Yukon gold ones, for potato salad. Russet works also, though.
About 1 cup of mayonnaise
About 1 Tbs yellow mustard
Sweet pickle relish. It HAS to be the sweet relish. I put in 3-4 Tbs.
4 hard boiled eggs (chopped)
About 1/2 cup finely chopped celery
1-2 teaspoons of sugar
Paprika
Peel, dice, and boil potatoes, until tender. About 20 minutes. Drain. Mix in mayo, mustard, sweet relish, eggs, sugar, and celery. Sprinkle with paprika. Refrigerate. Thatās it!
Also, looks like plans have already changed. Justin and Jackie are heading over here. Weāre going to hang out for awhile, tonight. š
This song came on, and I always think of my babies, when I hear it! It was their last day of school, a couple years ago. Theyād had a āfield dayā, where they played outdoor games, water balloon fights, just a fun last day before summer break. I always come to play and watch, with them. When we left, my soaking wet kiddos sat in the back of the car, wrapped in a āPaw Patrolā beach towel, and a sports themed one. We were jamming out to music, and they were just so happy. I can still see and hear them singing their hearts out, āSlam bam Iām feelinā alright. Troubles take a hike in the blink of an eye. No need to psycho analyze or have a stiff drink. All sheās gotta do is just gimmie that wink.ā My sonās favorite song, is Morgan Wallen, āSand in my Bootsā. Mjās is āMy Truckā, or anything by Jason Aldean. Still, every time we hear āWinkā, we all have to sing it together, and remember that magical day.
Weāre already fixing to end the kidsā school year. Only one more month of school left, before itās summer break, again. I absolutely love spending summers with my babies. Still, I canāt be wishing time away. Thereās so precious few summers we get with our kids. If I measure our time into summers, itās just not long enough. I really do hope that they will hear the song āWinkā, and always think back to the same day that I do. I know I will never forget. I just love those beautiful babies so damn much!
Itās been a rainy, cool day. Only mid 60ās outside, but itās still 78 inside, and humid as Iāll get out. Iām just making fried chicken sandwiches for supper, tonight. Iāve got some French fries, to go with. Itās just going to be Adam, the kids, and I hanging out, tonight. I think weāre going to play a family card game, with the kids. Stay home and have a quiet evening. Tomorrow, weāre planning to hang outside here, with Justin and Jackie. Itās supposed to be sunny, and around 70 degrees. Weāre hoping to play some cornhole games, and maybe a card game or two, later on.
Iāve got some potatoes that I need to use up. I think Iām going to make potato salad. Maybe we can have it with whatever we decide to make for supper, tomorrow. Iāll share how I make my potato salad in a separate post. Pretty sure I havenāt done that, yet?
I sure donāt have much else to write about, today. Itās been a fairly mundane kind of day here! I got excited, when Adam noticed how tan my legs were looking, last night. Iām sooo ready for it to be summer! Weāre definitely getting summer humidity back. I donāt mind it. I love everything about summertime. Swimming pools. Tanned legs. Nights out back. Lots of barbecuing. Spending everyday with my babies, and finding fun with them. Itās all my favorite. Christmas is my most favorite holiday, but July 4 (Independence Day) is a very close second. Weāve already talked about what weāre planning to do, this July.
A couple of pretty flowers Is what I brought to you I saw you through a broken window With a different point of view
You had signs of depression From a long line of sin And your face tells a story Bout the places you have been I loved you so I thought you should know
And you feed your addiction With your crystal meth And I plead for your life As it takes you to your death
You make your deal with the devil As your looks begin to fade I saw you laughin through the tears As you slowly slipped away I watched you go I thought you should know Yeah I watched you go I thought you should know
A couple of pretty flowers is what I brought to you I saw you through a broken window With a different point of view…
~Whiskey Myers
Sometimes, the lyrics in a good song do a better job of saying what Iām feeling, than I could. Besides my mother, Iāve watched as several old friends lost everything to addiction. I have also seen more than one friend beat their addiction. You canāt begin to heal your addiction, until you acknowledge it, though. This is why Iām confident my mother wonāt. While I wish that could be her story, one that I might even be able to write in again, I very much doubt it. Unfortunately, sheās just too far gone. This is why Iāve wished sheād died, instead of ālivedā like this. I canāt put into words how difficult it is to lose a parent. To lose them, but theyāre still here. To āloseā her, because she left me. I mean, maybe she never really was with me, anyway? I had such high hopes for us, though. Naive? Ignorant? Selfish? Maybe. But, I had so hoped weād have a healthy relationship after sheād straightened up, years ago. She never apologized for my childhood. I forgave her, anyway. I did it, because sheād begun to show up for me. I truly believed I mattered, for awhile. I long for that feeling. Being assured that Iām loved. Iām enough. That she might even think Iām great. To know that my mom is proud of me.
If she ever did care, she definitely doesnāt anymore. Iām not sure I can do a good job explaining this, but Iām going to try. While she was here, in my city, Iād worried that sheād try to come to my house. Iād spent those days on edge. Once she was gone, back to where she lives now, I didnāt feel relief. Instead of taking that deep breath, celebrating that stress coming to an end, I felt sad. It hurt me. As much as I didnāt want to have my psychotic, screwed up mother show up at my door, I was deflated when she didnāt. She didnāt even try. She didnāt want to see me. I donāt know how many times I have to be told, I donāt give a shit about you, until Iāll be able to accept that she doesnāt. Logically, I get it. Thereās still this little girl inside me, whoās pleading for her mama to want her. I simply cannot rationalize how a mother could do this to her child. I would fight until my last breath, for my babies. I wish I had a mama willing to fight for meā¦
Thankfully, what I do have, is some amazing people who are here for me. While itās impossible to replace the missing piece my mother has taken, my life is very full. Iām blessed with a whole lot of love and support. We had a great evening, with Justin and Jackie. We sat out on the deck, enjoying the beautiful weather, and a couple drinks. Adam was running a little late, so Iād offered to go ahead and start the bacon, for our BLTās. This was his response,
He cooked the bacon, when he got home, and our supper was delicious. Justin and Jackie left around 9:00pm, and then Adam and I went to take our shower. I was in a silly mood. Iām also PMSāing. I can get a little bitchy, quickly. I didnāt intend to be quite so difficult, but I kinda was. I challenged him on literally everything he said to me. I did this gesture, where you take your thumb to your mouth and flick upward. āI bite my thumb at youā kind of thing. Adam didnāt know what that meant, so I started laughing. This is the point where he had had enough. I could see it immediately. He knew Iād done something offensive, but not exactly what. He wanted me to explain, but I didnāt particularly want to do that, at this point. He was getting angry with me, so I told him. Itās pretty much a different way to flip someone off. I also mentioned that I wished I hadnāt shown him, or told him what it means, so that I couldāve used that the next time he annoys me. I was a little bit arrogant, in the way I talked to him. He noticed. He informed me Iād crossed the line, and heād had enough. Even then, I wasnāt exactly willing to humble myself, yet. The stubborn in me was taking over. Iād started out only intending to make Adam laugh. Instead, Iād insulted and disrespected him. I know I recognized this, but I wasnāt ready to admit it. I pushed back pretty hard, continuing to allow every single thought I had escape my lips. Adam got very quiet.
When we got out of the shower, Adam handed me the towel I wrap around my hair, and then wrapped a big towel around my body, like he always does. I continued to have an attitude, while we dried off and got our night clothes on. Albeit, a much less intensely disrespectful one. He gave me his sideways grin, and told me Iād find out what he thought in a little bit. He said I wasnāt going to sleep very comfortably, tonight (last night). I glared at him, and told him I had much more fun plans for him. I said I wouldnāt be in any mood for it (sex), if he busted my butt. He said it was a sacrifice he was willing to make, for the greater good. Then, he walked over to me, and spanked me hard and fast, at least 10-15 times. I dropped to the floor, after he released me. I looked up at him and asked him, āAre you done now?!ā He walked toward me, with his hand held out for me to grab hold of, so he could help me up from the floor. As he pulled me upright, he told me, āNot even close.ā This was when I knew, for certain, he was serious.
We tucked the kids into their beds, and brushed our teeth. I took my sweet time applying lotion to my arms and legs. I put all my face products on. I walked over to my nightstand, by the bed, and put on my lip mask moisturizer that I use every night. Adam was laying in bed. I climbed in, next to him. He put his arm under me, and pulled me closer to him. I thought, for a second, maybe he wonāt spank me anymore tonight, now? That thought was barely finished, when he interrupted, asking if I was ready. I gave him a pitiful look, as to silently try and prevent what was coming. In one quick motion, he had flipped me onto my belly. He pulled the t-shirt I was wearing up, my panties down, and spanked me as hard and fast as he had done earlier. I tried to wiggle away, but he had me pinned down good, this time. Just as I was about to cry out, he stopped. I was so relieved it was over, or so I thought. He lectured me, in his stern ādadā voice. Thatās what the kids call it, when heās stern like that. I didnāt hesitate to give him the responses he was looking for, after each question asked. I hoped maybe he would let me up, if I stopped trying to challenge him. It didnāt work. He gave me another painful round of smacks on my backside. This one was even worse than the others had been. I cried, āowwwwwieeeā. I know thatās a super childish thing to say, but itās what often comes flying from my mouth, when something really hurts. That, and āgollyā, when Iām frustrated, but donāt want to curse. Finally, Adam released me from his grip. He laid back down. I rolled over and sunk my head into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, once more, and we went to sleep. Indeed, I did sleep fitfully. Lots of tossing and turning, through last night. At one point, my sleep was interrupted, when Adam patted my butt. It was just one ālove tapā, but I immediately cried āOWIEEā. That light little smack actually did hurt, too. Woke me right up from my sleep. He let out a quiet giggle. I refused to say anything more. He just pulled me closer to him, and we went back to sleep.
I need to apologize for my behavior, last night. I need to let him know I am sorry. The dawn of a new day, often shines a different perspective on a situation. Iām clearly seeing how crappy I was treating him, in the shower. I was a bratty, mouthy, cocky wife. Not my best moment. Definitely not how I want to be toward my husband. Submitting isnāt always natural and easy. Sometimes, itās hard. Even when itās something I want to do, the temptation to buck against it remains an issue for me, every so often.