Paradise

Saturday evening, and into the night, we had a blast. Justin and Jackie ate supper here, with the kids, Adam, and I. Then, the kids put on a movie, and we went downstairs. It had started raining, so we cleared a space in the basement, and brought our cornhole boards inside. I had just gotten new cornhole bags, and for some reason they are leaving this powdery stuff everywhere. The floor was covered in it. It was worth the annoying clean up, though. We had a lot of silly fun.

Adam spun me around. I was sooo dizzy!
These goofballs
Jackie was teasing Adam and Justin, trying to hold the door closed šŸ˜†

Sunday, we all went to church. It was beautiful out, when we went in. When we came out, an hour and a half later, temps had dropped by about 25 degrees. It was so chilly! A storm had blown in, bringing heavy rain and winds. By the time we got home (about a 10 minute drive), the sun was shining again, and air was warming back up. It was the strangest thing! After all that, we spent the rest of our Sunday being lazy, at home.

It’s been a busy Monday here, for me. These last weeks of school get super hectic. One of the kids seems to have something going on everyday. A friend of mine had tried to call me, while I was busy doing school activities. When I got home, I returned the phone call. That wound up being over 2 hours I spent, chatting with an old friend. I washed and hung out all our bedding. I brought it inside, and made the beds. I baked some cookies. Then, I made the meatloaf we’re having for supper. I’ve got that in the oven, along with green bean casserole. I’m fixing mashed potatoes, too. Adam’s on his way home. Wyatt’s outside cutting the grass. Mj is pulling weeds from out front of the house. It’s just another day in my paradise. ā¤ļø

Fun & Sun

I’ve got my mantle decorated for summer, now! I love it 😊

Last night was a lot of fun, with Justin and Jackie. We played cornhole, out back. I checked on our baby birds. The birds make nests up under our deck, and I insist on making sure there’s no eggs or babies in them, before Adam removes them. There was one I’d found babies in, so we’re having fun watching them grow.

ā¤ļø

My son, Wyatt, was sick with a stomach bug. Yesterday, he had a horrible headache, and then started throwing up. My niece, Pj, also came down with this. Today, Wyatt and Pj are feeling better, but my sister is currently sick with this crud, now. So far, nobody else at our house has gotten this. I’m praying it stays that way!

Adam went into work, for a few hours. He said he’ll be coming home around noon. We’re planning to grill some chicken, this evening, and have Justin and Jackie over. We’d hoped to play more cornhole, and hang out outside, but it’s dreary and cloudy. It’s only mid 60’s out, too. If we can’t be outside, I’m sure we’ll find fun inside. Mj is going to help me make some brownies, and the pasta salad I’m fixing for tonight, with supper. We had a quiet Saturday morning, at our house.

Last night, we came inside around 11:00pm, since Adam had to get up and go into work. I was being silly. My dad taught me ā€œpig Latinā€, when I was a little kid. We used to talk to each other, like that, a lot. I’ve been saying things in pig Latin, to be a smart ass. I said ā€œeye rollā€, in pig Latin, and giggled. I didn’t actually roll my eyes. We were brushing our teeth, and Adam was annoyed. He reached over, and gave me a smack on my behind. I protested. I argued that saying ā€œeye rollā€, is not the same as doing it! Adam disagrees. For whatever reason, I’d decided this was a hill I was going to ā€œdie onā€. A battle I refused to lose. I was not going to retreat from this. I said ā€œeye rollā€ several times. Each time, Adam spanked me. I wouldn’t give in, though. Then, he put me over our bed, and spanked me hard. He said I was trying to get around his rules, and being disrespectful. After, he climbed into bed, and pulled me close to him. I started to cry. I told him I was just messing around! I was irritated, that he was punishing me for, what I felt was teasing. He never raised his voice, but he wouldn’t let me argue, either. Adam says it’s disrespectful. He says there’s lots of ways I can tease him, without doing or saying disrespectful things. This morning, I can see his point. Although, it’s not that easy to accept. I don’t feel that I’m doing anything wrong. He does. My sore behind, means he wins…

We’re grilling, and spending the evening outside. Justin and Jackie are here. I’m determined to have another fun evening, without a repeat of last night’s ending. Other than that, it’s been a real good weekend!

TGI..Friday!

I had my appointment, with the OBGYN doc, yesterday. She was awesome. She had my blood drawn, and tested for a bunch of things. I already got results, today. My lady hormones are perfect. My iron was also perfect, which is amazing! I’m not even a little bit anemic. Everything, except my vitamin D levels, was great. My vitamin D was scarily low. I haven’t felt bad, though! Apparently, this can cause period problems. Also, I have an autoimmune disease that makes it harder for my body to absorb nutrients from foods. I just have to take a high dose vitamin D pill, and should get back to good. I was very happy to know what’s going on.

Jackie and I went shopping around, today. I found some cute things, for around the house. I wanted some gerber daisies, for my deck. I found those, and some. We had a fun afternoon!

I got hungryā€¦šŸ˜†
Found that canvas sign, and had to hang it in Adam and my bedroom ā¤ļø
Also got a new lamp, for this area. The one I had was too big. I’m going to use the old one downstairs, now that I’ve got a perfect one for this spot.

I’m making beef and noodles, for supper. Then, Justin and Jackie are coming over. We talked about playing cornhole, or maybe ping pong. We’re going to do something fun, anyhow!

That about catches up on all the excitement, here in my world.

You Are so Beautiful, To Me

I was thinking about this Bud Light controversy. When they decided to sponsor Dylan Mulvaney, of all people, I did take issue with it. Not because Dylan is ā€œtransā€. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less about that part. They could’ve put a whole host of other trans people on a can, and it wouldn’t have bothered me a bit. Caitlyn Jenner. Blaire White. Buck Angel! I could roll with any of them, and plenty of other trans folks. The thing is, being a woman isn’t just about what you put on. Many trans women have a deep appreciation for what it is to be a woman. Dylan, on the other hand, literally seems to just want to wear ā€œwoman faceā€. It’s not a costume to put on. The very first video of ā€œdays of girlhoodā€ Dylan made, was insulting. Dylan claimed, ā€œFirst day of being a girl, and I already cried 3 times, for no reason. Told someone I was fine when I wasn’t. And, purchased unnecessary items.ā€ Shortly after, Dylan made a ridiculous video in the woods, ā€œhikingā€ around in high heels. Appeared to see a ā€œbugā€, and proceeded to freak out, scream like a 5 year old, and fell over. Another insult, as far as I was concerned. The final straw, was when Dylan began to publicly advocate for medically and surgically ā€œtransitioningā€ children. There’s a reason kids aren’t allowed to sign a contract. Hell, they can’t even watch a PG movie at school, without a parent’s permission. Child molestation, and statutory rape are crimes, because children cannot consent to sex. They lack the foresight adults gain, through age and time. Their brains are literally not even fully developed yet. Their bodies aren’t, either. I sincerely believe that giving children drugs that alter their bodies, and especially permanent surgeries to do so, is outright evil. What an adult decides to do with their own body is their own choice to make. I’m not ever going to spread any kind of animosity or hate for them. In fact, that’s my whole philosophy…live and let live. I’ll not be convinced that children can grasp the realities of these mind and body altering things we’re experimenting on our bodies with. I have my own babies, who I love more than life itself. That love will never ever change, when they grow up and show me who they are. Regardless of what that looks like. They will get to grow up, though. They will be encouraged, supported, and most assuredly loved, as they develop. They will be given many opportunities. One thing I will not do to them, is change them in any way that can’t be reversed. If they want to color their hair, or cut it, or grow it out, that’s fine. They may wear the things they like to. They can play the games they enjoy. They will be allowed to figure out just who they are, without fear of losing my affection for them.

I am not hateful. I don’t consider myself to be particularly judgmental. We are all allowed to make up our own minds and form opinions. I will always advocate for children. I’m unashamed of my desire to protect them from something that I believe to be absolutely wrong. It’s an adult’s right to decide what’s right, for themselves. A child simply cannot understand the gravity of adult decisions. Anyway, that’s where I stand. And, this is why I do. I come from a place of love and concern. My thoughts aren’t formed from hate or malice. I genuinely believe what I’m saying, to my very core.

My babies mean everything to me ā¤ļø

On another note, I started my period. This morning, I was very relieved to discover my body had resumed its normal functioning. I am going to an appointment with my OBGYN, on Thursday. Jackie’s even coming with me. Just wanting to make sure everything is good. So, now my family and friends will be able to rest easy, knowing I’m taking the steps to assure everyone that I’m alright. 😊

Yesterday, I decided to take all of our air vents, from around the house, and wash them. I scrubbed them, and even got the return air vent looking like brand new. I’ve tried, several times, with no success. This time, I brought everything out on the deck. I had hot, soapy water, a bottle brush, a nipple brush, and some Gain ā€œpower blastā€ spray. All of that, mixed with a lot of ā€œelbow greaseā€, got everything cleaned up great! It’s been sunny and beautiful weather, so I’ve been in the mood to find things to deep clean, around the house. I cleaned both our kitchen fridge, and the garage one, inside and out. I had planned to wash the outsides of my washer and dryer, today, but I didn’t wind up getting to it. Maybe tomorrow? I’m fixing to brown some ground beef, and mix in taco seasoning. I’m making fiastadas for supper, tonight. I’m pretty sure I’ve already shared that recipe? Growing up, our school made them for lunch, sometimes. I got my fiastada recipe, and sloppy joe, from the same lady who made them for our lunches.

Justin and Jackie are going to come by here, in a little while. We’re just planning to sit outside, enjoy the weather, and chat about nothing and everything. Jackie and I are also going shopping, this Friday. I want some gerber daisies, for my deck. I’m also hoping to find some summery decor, to put on my fireplace mantle. It’s getting to be time to take the Easter stuff and put it away, til next year. Woohoo, though! Inching closer and closer to summertime! And, that’s about everything I have, for today. Adam’s been kinda treating me like I’m ā€œfragileā€, recently. I haven’t done anything to upset him, but he also isn’t teasing me as much as he normally does. When I text him, this morning, I asked him ā€œguess what?ā€

I’m anxious to get myself back to normal. Whatever that is! šŸ˜†

M.I.A…

I’m sorry I haven’t updated here. It’s been a busy couple of days. Also, I was not feeling very good, yesterday. I text Jackie, Saturday night. I’d told her I was fixing to take a darned pregnancy test.

Jackie got here right as my delivery driver was bringing me one of those magic sticks to pee on, so I could figure out whether I’d be able to actually drink the beer I’d opened, or not. Y’all, I’ve never taken a negative pregnancy test. Every time I did, I was pretty sure I was pregnant. This amped up my anxiety about whether I’d see one line, or two. Jackie came into my bathroom with me, and read the instructions, while I did my part of the test taking. I put the cap on the little stick, sat it on a paper towel, right on the bathroom counter, and we waited.

First test I ever took, where I was happy I didn’t pass!

I’m not going to lie, I was seriously relieved to see the result. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I’m scared to have another baby. I almost died, having Mj. I hemorrhaged, passed out, and woke up with a team of doctors and nurses working over me. I lost my first baby boy, in my second trimester. My next was born over 2 months early. My last, I had to go in and get shots in my hip, every single week, to help me keep her in longer. I still wound up spending 5 months on bed rest, and half a dozen trips to the hospital, because I’d started having contractions. Don’t get me wrong, my babies are WORTH IT! If I found out another one was coming, I would immediately love him or her, too. It’s just, I have taken several steps to ensure that another baby doesn’t happen. The only thing I was sorry about, was Jackie’s disappointment. Also, Adam had seemed to be expecting a positive result. I’m not sure whether he was being encouraging, and sounding like he might be pretty okay with it, because he wanted to comfort me? Or, was he disappointed, when my test wasn’t positive?

My relief lasted a whole day. Yesterday, I felt ā€œoffā€. Bloated, moody, and my boobs ached bad enough, it had kept me up during the night before. Wyatt had a baseball game, and I was scheduled to work in the concession stand. I sucked it up, put on a smile, and went to his game. Adam came, after he’d gotten off from work, to relieve my concession duties. Mj and I went home, and made supper. I just heated up some frozen pizzas. It was almost 9:00pm, by the time Adam and Wyatt got home. Adam knew I was feeling crummy. He held me, and rubbed my back, in the shower. When we got in bed, he pulled me over, on top of him, and softly ran his fingertips up and down my back. I couldn’t stay like that for as long as I’d have liked to. My dang boobs are sore. That’s when Adam realized they were bothering me. He told me he wants me to go see the doctor.

This morning, I felt crappy enough that I’d fully intended to call and make an appointment. After I’d been up a few hours, I’d started feeling better. The only thing is, I’m still a little crampy. Also, my boobs still hurt, but I don’t think it’s as bad as the last couple days. I don’t feel tired and miserable, though, like I did yesterday. I suspect it’s just a weird month, and my period will come any day. I have one more pregnancy test. If I haven’t gotten my period, by Friday morning, I’m going to take it. Then, providing the test is negative, I’ll go see the doc if I don’t get my period by the time the next one is due. It’s TMI, but I am incredibly ā€œregularā€. I’ve kept track on my health app, since 2014. 24-26 days between periods, like clockwork, always. I did have some weird ā€œspottingā€ for a couple days, about a week and a half after my last period, though. I honestly attributed that to the vigorous sex Adam and I’d had, the night before it began. It wasn’t anything like a typical period is, so I was sure that was the cause? Maybe that’s why I’m late? Maybe it wasn’t caused by what I’d thought it was, and my body is just out of whack, all the sudden? I’ve also had no problems providing natural lubrication, in the bedroom. Vaginal dryness is a sign you’re starting to run low on eggs, and beginning menopause. My sex drive is 100% in tact. I’ve never had a ā€œhot flashā€ before. On the contrary, I’m cold until it’s at least 75 degrees. So, who knows what’s goin on with me??

I’m definitely not pregnant, for now.

Nooo Freaking Way

I haven’t mentioned it here, but I’ve been slightly concerned. My period is more than a week late. I feel like I’ve been PMS’ing. I know I’ve been hormonal as hell. I’ve even been a little crampy. Still, not even a hint of the period I was expecting to arrive. I’m just past my ā€œmid 30’sā€, now. I’m too young for menopause. I’m also not exactly prepared to be pregnant, again. My period is always like clockwork, though. I’ve kept track, through an app on my phone, for years. This is the first time it’s been off. I haven’t taken any pregnancy tests. Adam is aware, because he knows my cycle, probably better than I do. Still, I’m convinced it’s got to be a weird month. Maybe I’m messed up because of Jackie and my sister? I should probably go ahead and schedule a doctors visit. I guess I’m in denial, right now. Neither of the options explaining my period’s absence are particularly appealing, to me. All I know, is this is not at all ā€œnormalā€ for me.

Justin and Jackie came over. We played cornhole, out back. Jackie and I won, of course. I found a bird nest, up under our deck, that had baby birds in it.

Adam lifted me, so I could see if any baby birds were inside the nest. Sure enough, there were some in there.

It’s barely 7:00pm, and I’m exhausted. Yet another reason I’m concerned. This is certainly not like me. I’m absolutely convinced this is just a weird hormonal thing. There’s no way I could be pregnant. No freaking way…

Live it up for the Weekend

And I’mma live it up for the weekend
Pour it up, have the time of your life
Take a shot for the regrets
Double up and it’s bound to get buck wild
Hey ladies, let your hair down
We know ain’t nobody scared now, hell nah
Just do your thing like it’s spring break
Wake and bake and we’re at it again
We live it up for the weekend

~Brantley Gilbert

The paddle broke…

We played games downstairs, with the kids. After they went upstairs, Justin, Jackie, Adam, and I played ping pong awhile. Then, we went up and played a card game. Adam and Wyatt are outside cutting the grass. I ran a couple errands, and now waiting for Justin and Jackie to get here. We’re going to sit outside, hang out, play cornhole, and then find some mischief (as usual).

I also got my dining chairs recovered. I didn’t remember to take before photos, but here’s the after.

Looks so much nicer!

Also, my baby niece, Pj, is getting SO big!! She’s starting to sit herself up.

I don’t have much else to write about. Thought I’d share some pictures to speak words for me 😊

Southern Potato Salad

(My version)

You need 4-6 potatoes. I prefer the Yukon gold ones, for potato salad. Russet works also, though.

About 1 cup of mayonnaise

About 1 Tbs yellow mustard

Sweet pickle relish. It HAS to be the sweet relish. I put in 3-4 Tbs.

4 hard boiled eggs (chopped)

About 1/2 cup finely chopped celery

1-2 teaspoons of sugar

Paprika

Peel, dice, and boil potatoes, until tender. About 20 minutes. Drain. Mix in mayo, mustard, sweet relish, eggs, sugar, and celery. Sprinkle with paprika. Refrigerate. That’s it!

Also, looks like plans have already changed. Justin and Jackie are heading over here. We’re going to hang out for awhile, tonight. 😊

Wink

~Neal McCoy

This song came on, and I always think of my babies, when I hear it! It was their last day of school, a couple years ago. They’d had a ā€œfield dayā€, where they played outdoor games, water balloon fights, just a fun last day before summer break. I always come to play and watch, with them. When we left, my soaking wet kiddos sat in the back of the car, wrapped in a ā€œPaw Patrolā€ beach towel, and a sports themed one. We were jamming out to music, and they were just so happy. I can still see and hear them singing their hearts out, ā€œSlam bam I’m feelin’ alright. Troubles take a hike in the blink of an eye. No need to psycho analyze or have a stiff drink. All she’s gotta do is just gimmie that wink.ā€ My son’s favorite song, is Morgan Wallen, ā€œSand in my Bootsā€. Mj’s is ā€œMy Truckā€, or anything by Jason Aldean. Still, every time we hear ā€œWinkā€, we all have to sing it together, and remember that magical day.

We’re already fixing to end the kids’ school year. Only one more month of school left, before it’s summer break, again. I absolutely love spending summers with my babies. Still, I can’t be wishing time away. There’s so precious few summers we get with our kids. If I measure our time into summers, it’s just not long enough. I really do hope that they will hear the song ā€œWinkā€, and always think back to the same day that I do. I know I will never forget. I just love those beautiful babies so damn much!

It’s been a rainy, cool day. Only mid 60’s outside, but it’s still 78 inside, and humid as I’ll get out. I’m just making fried chicken sandwiches for supper, tonight. I’ve got some French fries, to go with. It’s just going to be Adam, the kids, and I hanging out, tonight. I think we’re going to play a family card game, with the kids. Stay home and have a quiet evening. Tomorrow, we’re planning to hang outside here, with Justin and Jackie. It’s supposed to be sunny, and around 70 degrees. We’re hoping to play some cornhole games, and maybe a card game or two, later on.

I’ve got some potatoes that I need to use up. I think I’m going to make potato salad. Maybe we can have it with whatever we decide to make for supper, tomorrow. I’ll share how I make my potato salad in a separate post. Pretty sure I haven’t done that, yet?

I sure don’t have much else to write about, today. It’s been a fairly mundane kind of day here! I got excited, when Adam noticed how tan my legs were looking, last night. I’m sooo ready for it to be summer! We’re definitely getting summer humidity back. I don’t mind it. I love everything about summertime. Swimming pools. Tanned legs. Nights out back. Lots of barbecuing. Spending everyday with my babies, and finding fun with them. It’s all my favorite. Christmas is my most favorite holiday, but July 4 (Independence Day) is a very close second. We’ve already talked about what we’re planning to do, this July.

Broken Window Serenade

A couple of pretty flowers
Is what I brought to you
I saw you through a broken window
With a different point of view

You had signs of depression
From a long line of sin
And your face tells a story
Bout the places you have been
I loved you so
I thought you should know

And you feed your addiction
With your crystal meth
And I plead for your life
As it takes you to your death

You make your deal with the devil
As your looks begin to fade
I saw you laughin through the tears
As you slowly slipped away
I watched you go
I thought you should know
Yeah I watched you go
I thought you should know

A couple of pretty flowers is what I brought to you
I saw you through a broken window
With a different point of view…

~Whiskey Myers

Sometimes, the lyrics in a good song do a better job of saying what I’m feeling, than I could. Besides my mother, I’ve watched as several old friends lost everything to addiction. I have also seen more than one friend beat their addiction. You can’t begin to heal your addiction, until you acknowledge it, though. This is why I’m confident my mother won’t. While I wish that could be her story, one that I might even be able to write in again, I very much doubt it. Unfortunately, she’s just too far gone. This is why I’ve wished she’d died, instead of ā€œlivedā€ like this. I can’t put into words how difficult it is to lose a parent. To lose them, but they’re still here. To ā€œloseā€ her, because she left me. I mean, maybe she never really was with me, anyway? I had such high hopes for us, though. Naive? Ignorant? Selfish? Maybe. But, I had so hoped we’d have a healthy relationship after she’d straightened up, years ago. She never apologized for my childhood. I forgave her, anyway. I did it, because she’d begun to show up for me. I truly believed I mattered, for awhile. I long for that feeling. Being assured that I’m loved. I’m enough. That she might even think I’m great. To know that my mom is proud of me.

If she ever did care, she definitely doesn’t anymore. I’m not sure I can do a good job explaining this, but I’m going to try. While she was here, in my city, I’d worried that she’d try to come to my house. I’d spent those days on edge. Once she was gone, back to where she lives now, I didn’t feel relief. Instead of taking that deep breath, celebrating that stress coming to an end, I felt sad. It hurt me. As much as I didn’t want to have my psychotic, screwed up mother show up at my door, I was deflated when she didn’t. She didn’t even try. She didn’t want to see me. I don’t know how many times I have to be told, I don’t give a shit about you, until I’ll be able to accept that she doesn’t. Logically, I get it. There’s still this little girl inside me, who’s pleading for her mama to want her. I simply cannot rationalize how a mother could do this to her child. I would fight until my last breath, for my babies. I wish I had a mama willing to fight for me…

Thankfully, what I do have, is some amazing people who are here for me. While it’s impossible to replace the missing piece my mother has taken, my life is very full. I’m blessed with a whole lot of love and support. We had a great evening, with Justin and Jackie. We sat out on the deck, enjoying the beautiful weather, and a couple drinks. Adam was running a little late, so I’d offered to go ahead and start the bacon, for our BLT’s. This was his response,

He cooked the bacon, when he got home, and our supper was delicious. Justin and Jackie left around 9:00pm, and then Adam and I went to take our shower. I was in a silly mood. I’m also PMS’ing. I can get a little bitchy, quickly. I didn’t intend to be quite so difficult, but I kinda was. I challenged him on literally everything he said to me. I did this gesture, where you take your thumb to your mouth and flick upward. ā€œI bite my thumb at youā€ kind of thing. Adam didn’t know what that meant, so I started laughing. This is the point where he had had enough. I could see it immediately. He knew I’d done something offensive, but not exactly what. He wanted me to explain, but I didn’t particularly want to do that, at this point. He was getting angry with me, so I told him. It’s pretty much a different way to flip someone off. I also mentioned that I wished I hadn’t shown him, or told him what it means, so that I could’ve used that the next time he annoys me. I was a little bit arrogant, in the way I talked to him. He noticed. He informed me I’d crossed the line, and he’d had enough. Even then, I wasn’t exactly willing to humble myself, yet. The stubborn in me was taking over. I’d started out only intending to make Adam laugh. Instead, I’d insulted and disrespected him. I know I recognized this, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. I pushed back pretty hard, continuing to allow every single thought I had escape my lips. Adam got very quiet.

When we got out of the shower, Adam handed me the towel I wrap around my hair, and then wrapped a big towel around my body, like he always does. I continued to have an attitude, while we dried off and got our night clothes on. Albeit, a much less intensely disrespectful one. He gave me his sideways grin, and told me I’d find out what he thought in a little bit. He said I wasn’t going to sleep very comfortably, tonight (last night). I glared at him, and told him I had much more fun plans for him. I said I wouldn’t be in any mood for it (sex), if he busted my butt. He said it was a sacrifice he was willing to make, for the greater good. Then, he walked over to me, and spanked me hard and fast, at least 10-15 times. I dropped to the floor, after he released me. I looked up at him and asked him, ā€œAre you done now?!ā€ He walked toward me, with his hand held out for me to grab hold of, so he could help me up from the floor. As he pulled me upright, he told me, ā€œNot even close.ā€ This was when I knew, for certain, he was serious.

We tucked the kids into their beds, and brushed our teeth. I took my sweet time applying lotion to my arms and legs. I put all my face products on. I walked over to my nightstand, by the bed, and put on my lip mask moisturizer that I use every night. Adam was laying in bed. I climbed in, next to him. He put his arm under me, and pulled me closer to him. I thought, for a second, maybe he won’t spank me anymore tonight, now? That thought was barely finished, when he interrupted, asking if I was ready. I gave him a pitiful look, as to silently try and prevent what was coming. In one quick motion, he had flipped me onto my belly. He pulled the t-shirt I was wearing up, my panties down, and spanked me as hard and fast as he had done earlier. I tried to wiggle away, but he had me pinned down good, this time. Just as I was about to cry out, he stopped. I was so relieved it was over, or so I thought. He lectured me, in his stern ā€œdadā€ voice. That’s what the kids call it, when he’s stern like that. I didn’t hesitate to give him the responses he was looking for, after each question asked. I hoped maybe he would let me up, if I stopped trying to challenge him. It didn’t work. He gave me another painful round of smacks on my backside. This one was even worse than the others had been. I cried, ā€œowwwwwieeeā€. I know that’s a super childish thing to say, but it’s what often comes flying from my mouth, when something really hurts. That, and ā€œgollyā€, when I’m frustrated, but don’t want to curse. Finally, Adam released me from his grip. He laid back down. I rolled over and sunk my head into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, once more, and we went to sleep. Indeed, I did sleep fitfully. Lots of tossing and turning, through last night. At one point, my sleep was interrupted, when Adam patted my butt. It was just one ā€œlove tapā€, but I immediately cried ā€œOWIEEā€. That light little smack actually did hurt, too. Woke me right up from my sleep. He let out a quiet giggle. I refused to say anything more. He just pulled me closer to him, and we went back to sleep.

I need to apologize for my behavior, last night. I need to let him know I am sorry. The dawn of a new day, often shines a different perspective on a situation. I’m clearly seeing how crappy I was treating him, in the shower. I was a bratty, mouthy, cocky wife. Not my best moment. Definitely not how I want to be toward my husband. Submitting isn’t always natural and easy. Sometimes, it’s hard. Even when it’s something I want to do, the temptation to buck against it remains an issue for me, every so often.