I’ve got my mantle decorated for summer, now! I love it 😊
Last night was a lot of fun, with Justin and Jackie. We played cornhole, out back. I checked on our baby birds. The birds make nests up under our deck, and I insist on making sure there’s no eggs or babies in them, before Adam removes them. There was one I’d found babies in, so we’re having fun watching them grow.
❤️
My son, Wyatt, was sick with a stomach bug. Yesterday, he had a horrible headache, and then started throwing up. My niece, Pj, also came down with this. Today, Wyatt and Pj are feeling better, but my sister is currently sick with this crud, now. So far, nobody else at our house has gotten this. I’m praying it stays that way!
Adam went into work, for a few hours. He said he’ll be coming home around noon. We’re planning to grill some chicken, this evening, and have Justin and Jackie over. We’d hoped to play more cornhole, and hang out outside, but it’s dreary and cloudy. It’s only mid 60’s out, too. If we can’t be outside, I’m sure we’ll find fun inside. Mj is going to help me make some brownies, and the pasta salad I’m fixing for tonight, with supper. We had a quiet Saturday morning, at our house.
Last night, we came inside around 11:00pm, since Adam had to get up and go into work. I was being silly. My dad taught me “pig Latin”, when I was a little kid. We used to talk to each other, like that, a lot. I’ve been saying things in pig Latin, to be a smart ass. I said “eye roll”, in pig Latin, and giggled. I didn’t actually roll my eyes. We were brushing our teeth, and Adam was annoyed. He reached over, and gave me a smack on my behind. I protested. I argued that saying “eye roll”, is not the same as doing it! Adam disagrees. For whatever reason, I’d decided this was a hill I was going to “die on”. A battle I refused to lose. I was not going to retreat from this. I said “eye roll” several times. Each time, Adam spanked me. I wouldn’t give in, though. Then, he put me over our bed, and spanked me hard. He said I was trying to get around his rules, and being disrespectful. After, he climbed into bed, and pulled me close to him. I started to cry. I told him I was just messing around! I was irritated, that he was punishing me for, what I felt was teasing. He never raised his voice, but he wouldn’t let me argue, either. Adam says it’s disrespectful. He says there’s lots of ways I can tease him, without doing or saying disrespectful things. This morning, I can see his point. Although, it’s not that easy to accept. I don’t feel that I’m doing anything wrong. He does. My sore behind, means he wins…
We’re grilling, and spending the evening outside. Justin and Jackie are here. I’m determined to have another fun evening, without a repeat of last night’s ending. Other than that, it’s been a real good weekend!
A couple of pretty flowers Is what I brought to you I saw you through a broken window With a different point of view
You had signs of depression From a long line of sin And your face tells a story Bout the places you have been I loved you so I thought you should know
And you feed your addiction With your crystal meth And I plead for your life As it takes you to your death
You make your deal with the devil As your looks begin to fade I saw you laughin through the tears As you slowly slipped away I watched you go I thought you should know Yeah I watched you go I thought you should know
A couple of pretty flowers is what I brought to you I saw you through a broken window With a different point of view…
~Whiskey Myers
Sometimes, the lyrics in a good song do a better job of saying what I’m feeling, than I could. Besides my mother, I’ve watched as several old friends lost everything to addiction. I have also seen more than one friend beat their addiction. You can’t begin to heal your addiction, until you acknowledge it, though. This is why I’m confident my mother won’t. While I wish that could be her story, one that I might even be able to write in again, I very much doubt it. Unfortunately, she’s just too far gone. This is why I’ve wished she’d died, instead of “lived” like this. I can’t put into words how difficult it is to lose a parent. To lose them, but they’re still here. To “lose” her, because she left me. I mean, maybe she never really was with me, anyway? I had such high hopes for us, though. Naive? Ignorant? Selfish? Maybe. But, I had so hoped we’d have a healthy relationship after she’d straightened up, years ago. She never apologized for my childhood. I forgave her, anyway. I did it, because she’d begun to show up for me. I truly believed I mattered, for awhile. I long for that feeling. Being assured that I’m loved. I’m enough. That she might even think I’m great. To know that my mom is proud of me.
If she ever did care, she definitely doesn’t anymore. I’m not sure I can do a good job explaining this, but I’m going to try. While she was here, in my city, I’d worried that she’d try to come to my house. I’d spent those days on edge. Once she was gone, back to where she lives now, I didn’t feel relief. Instead of taking that deep breath, celebrating that stress coming to an end, I felt sad. It hurt me. As much as I didn’t want to have my psychotic, screwed up mother show up at my door, I was deflated when she didn’t. She didn’t even try. She didn’t want to see me. I don’t know how many times I have to be told, I don’t give a shit about you, until I’ll be able to accept that she doesn’t. Logically, I get it. There’s still this little girl inside me, who’s pleading for her mama to want her. I simply cannot rationalize how a mother could do this to her child. I would fight until my last breath, for my babies. I wish I had a mama willing to fight for me…
Thankfully, what I do have, is some amazing people who are here for me. While it’s impossible to replace the missing piece my mother has taken, my life is very full. I’m blessed with a whole lot of love and support. We had a great evening, with Justin and Jackie. We sat out on the deck, enjoying the beautiful weather, and a couple drinks. Adam was running a little late, so I’d offered to go ahead and start the bacon, for our BLT’s. This was his response,
He cooked the bacon, when he got home, and our supper was delicious. Justin and Jackie left around 9:00pm, and then Adam and I went to take our shower. I was in a silly mood. I’m also PMS’ing. I can get a little bitchy, quickly. I didn’t intend to be quite so difficult, but I kinda was. I challenged him on literally everything he said to me. I did this gesture, where you take your thumb to your mouth and flick upward. “I bite my thumb at you” kind of thing. Adam didn’t know what that meant, so I started laughing. This is the point where he had had enough. I could see it immediately. He knew I’d done something offensive, but not exactly what. He wanted me to explain, but I didn’t particularly want to do that, at this point. He was getting angry with me, so I told him. It’s pretty much a different way to flip someone off. I also mentioned that I wished I hadn’t shown him, or told him what it means, so that I could’ve used that the next time he annoys me. I was a little bit arrogant, in the way I talked to him. He noticed. He informed me I’d crossed the line, and he’d had enough. Even then, I wasn’t exactly willing to humble myself, yet. The stubborn in me was taking over. I’d started out only intending to make Adam laugh. Instead, I’d insulted and disrespected him. I know I recognized this, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. I pushed back pretty hard, continuing to allow every single thought I had escape my lips. Adam got very quiet.
When we got out of the shower, Adam handed me the towel I wrap around my hair, and then wrapped a big towel around my body, like he always does. I continued to have an attitude, while we dried off and got our night clothes on. Albeit, a much less intensely disrespectful one. He gave me his sideways grin, and told me I’d find out what he thought in a little bit. He said I wasn’t going to sleep very comfortably, tonight (last night). I glared at him, and told him I had much more fun plans for him. I said I wouldn’t be in any mood for it (sex), if he busted my butt. He said it was a sacrifice he was willing to make, for the greater good. Then, he walked over to me, and spanked me hard and fast, at least 10-15 times. I dropped to the floor, after he released me. I looked up at him and asked him, “Are you done now?!” He walked toward me, with his hand held out for me to grab hold of, so he could help me up from the floor. As he pulled me upright, he told me, “Not even close.” This was when I knew, for certain, he was serious.
We tucked the kids into their beds, and brushed our teeth. I took my sweet time applying lotion to my arms and legs. I put all my face products on. I walked over to my nightstand, by the bed, and put on my lip mask moisturizer that I use every night. Adam was laying in bed. I climbed in, next to him. He put his arm under me, and pulled me closer to him. I thought, for a second, maybe he won’t spank me anymore tonight, now? That thought was barely finished, when he interrupted, asking if I was ready. I gave him a pitiful look, as to silently try and prevent what was coming. In one quick motion, he had flipped me onto my belly. He pulled the t-shirt I was wearing up, my panties down, and spanked me as hard and fast as he had done earlier. I tried to wiggle away, but he had me pinned down good, this time. Just as I was about to cry out, he stopped. I was so relieved it was over, or so I thought. He lectured me, in his stern “dad” voice. That’s what the kids call it, when he’s stern like that. I didn’t hesitate to give him the responses he was looking for, after each question asked. I hoped maybe he would let me up, if I stopped trying to challenge him. It didn’t work. He gave me another painful round of smacks on my backside. This one was even worse than the others had been. I cried, “owwwwwieee”. I know that’s a super childish thing to say, but it’s what often comes flying from my mouth, when something really hurts. That, and “golly”, when I’m frustrated, but don’t want to curse. Finally, Adam released me from his grip. He laid back down. I rolled over and sunk my head into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, once more, and we went to sleep. Indeed, I did sleep fitfully. Lots of tossing and turning, through last night. At one point, my sleep was interrupted, when Adam patted my butt. It was just one “love tap”, but I immediately cried “OWIEE”. That light little smack actually did hurt, too. Woke me right up from my sleep. He let out a quiet giggle. I refused to say anything more. He just pulled me closer to him, and we went back to sleep.
I need to apologize for my behavior, last night. I need to let him know I am sorry. The dawn of a new day, often shines a different perspective on a situation. I’m clearly seeing how crappy I was treating him, in the shower. I was a bratty, mouthy, cocky wife. Not my best moment. Definitely not how I want to be toward my husband. Submitting isn’t always natural and easy. Sometimes, it’s hard. Even when it’s something I want to do, the temptation to buck against it remains an issue for me, every so often.
You can get it right. Run up, catch hell, take this L. You can get it right.
~Adam Calhoun
Saturday evening, Jackie and Justin came over. We spent the evening out back, playing cornhole, and being silly. Jackie had started to feel lightheaded, and like her heart was racing. It was, too. Her Apple Watch alerted to it. After they left, Jackie passed out. Justin brought her straight to the ER. Jackie has a lot of allergies, and asthma issues. Covid seriously messed up her lungs. They didn’t do much, at the ER, except to get her set up with a specialist. I hate it, that she has to fight so many health issues.
We weren’t sure if they’d still want us to come there, Sunday afternoon. Jackie said she felt much better, so we went. Justin smoked ribs, a chicken, and brats. It was very yummy! I think he’s enjoying making different foods on his smoker, and sharing with everyone. 😊
The kids had a fun weekend, too! Wyatt got to stay over at a friends house. Mj had her best friend, T, stay overnight here. Everybody was ready for bed early, last night!
I shared my blog post, from Friday, with Adam. That’s been helpful, for both of us, that I can write out things, and then let him read my thoughts. Last night, as we were brushing our teeth, Adam said I’d rolled my eyes at him. I honestly didn’t think I had! I told him so. Then, he said he’d seen it, and I knew what was gonna happen. That’s when I did start to roll my eyes, in annoyance. I stopped myself, mid way. I’d caught myself. He caught me, too. I still don’t know if I really did roll my eyes at him, that first time he says I did? It’s not that easy, to control facial expressions that I’ve been making for most of my life. After we left our bathroom, and began to get ready for bed, Adam came around to my side of the bed. I absolutely was not trying to find trouble, last night, but I guess I did anyway. He picked me up, laid me on the bed, held his hand on my back, and spanked me pretty damn hard. I suppose my blog post I’d shared with him, is the reason he decided to be certain to let me know, he “meant it”. Pretty sure I got that message. Since he doesn’t want me to flip him off, even in silliness, I’ve been trying new things. I’d shaped my fingers into a “W”, to signal “whatever”, the other day. He didn’t much care for that either, though. He didn’t spank me, but he issued a warning. One thing I have done, that doesn’t bother him, is sign “I love you”, with my hand. I’ve done that a few times, recently, even when I found him annoying.
Today, I’m feeling pretty good. I washed all our bedding, and hung it out to dry. I cleaned the kitchen. I bought this stuff called “barkeepers friend”. I cleaned all our stainless steel appliances, with it. It works magic! The reviews are no joke! It cleaned my glass stovetop and sinks really well, too! I vacuumed and swept all the floors. I’m fixing to mop. Decided to take a little break, and write here.
Adam is grilling pork chops for us, this evening. I’d text and asked if he’d be home in time, or should I just put them in the oven? He said “I got it”. So, we’re getting grilled pork chops. 😋 I’m going to be making scalloped potatoes, and cutting up some fruit. I’ve got pineapple, cantaloupe, strawberries, and watermelon. I should bake some cookies, for Adam and the kids. They haven’t had those, for awhile. The kids love when they get home from school, and smell fresh baked treats. I want them to always remember those kind of days, when they were kids, coming home to their mama having baked them something yummy. Maybe they’ll think of me, when they’re enjoying those same smells, one day, after they’re grown.
I was listening to a podcast, this morning. A husband and wife discuss their relationship, and their own take on discipline within their marriage. It really struck me, hearing them talk about “maintenance spankings”. For me, I’ve always kind of felt it would be cruel if Adam seriously spanked me, and I’d crossed no boundaries to deserve it. I thought it would devastate me, if I’d done nothing wrong, but he punished me as if I had. Wouldn’t that defeat the whole purpose? As I continued to listen to this couple, I heard some explanations I hadn’t truly considered before. The wife talked about how, when she hadn’t broken any rules in awhile, she’d start to doubt whether her husband was still “in this” with her. She’d begin to consider acting out on purpose, just to make sure he was still paying attention. Obviously, that’s not a good idea. Still, I can relate. The husband also mentioned something I hadn’t thought of. He said it made him feel more confident and capable that he could hold her accountable, when necessary, if they “maintained” their “dynamic”. I wondered if Adam has struggled with this? Until yesterday, I hadn’t been in serious trouble, in 3 months! I have rolled my eyes, flipped him off, things like that. He hasn’t spanked me in that “I MEAN IT, don’t do that again” kind of way, though. Not for those things. If he does really “mean it”, I haven’t gotten that message. I know he doesn’t like it, when I’m disrespectful in how I act or speak, but it doesn’t come across as the kind of things that get me in serious trouble with him. Even last night, I didn’t feel that he was genuinely that upset with me. The spanking didn’t hurt much at all. While, in the moment, I’m grateful, I think it does send mixed messages. He doesn’t want to be a jerk. I’ve been pretty damn good, for quite awhile. Adam wants to show me he appreciates that. On the other hand, I wind up wondering whether, or not, he was really serious. I tell myself he didn’t care that much. Maybe he was just trying to scare me. I mean, I spent hours wondering and worrying about what he would do, when he came home. When it turns out to be not too big a deal, that’s exactly how I take it. What I did was not that big a deal.
I don’t enjoy making my husband upset. I hate disappointing him. Having his hand leave bruises on my butt, that I can feel for days, that’s not fun. I don’t ever purposely look for that kind of trouble. I think, well…I know, I sometimes intentionally push his “smaller” buttons, though. The ones that I assume are no big deal. Rolling my eyes, for example. I hadn’t thought much about it, until now. I think I need to know he’s still got me. He’s still here. He’s still watching out for me, and for us.
I don’t necessarily think that “maintenance” spanking is for me. I can’t imagine I would respond well, to feeling punished for being good. I always love his playful smacks! I don’t want to get more than that without deserving it, though. I do wonder if a part of me doesn’t act out, because I don’t take him seriously. If I break one of our rules, and walk out of “the office” smiling, I clearly didn’t feel there was very much “bite”, behind Adam’s “bark”.
I don’t mean to suggest that I think Adam’s weak. He’s not! In fact, he is so strong, he is able to control his emotions. He is able to use the “tools” that he knows will actually work on me. He doesn’t raise his voice to me. He isn’t cruel. He’s careful to always remind me he loves me, even when he’s angry. Those things make me respect the hell out of my husband. I just have a hard time knowing exactly where his “line” is, sometimes. Was he goofing around? Was he just enjoying making me worry about whether he was serious, but he wasn’t really? Did he fucking mean it, but he kept his hard hand gentle, because he didn’t want to be a jerk? After all, I had been pretty damn good, lately. I think?
Adam got home, a couple hours ago. He walked right into the kitchen and picked me up. He brought me into our bedroom. I had homemade meatballs cooking, in the oven. I made my grape jelly and BBQ sauce mixture, to pour over them. That’s everyone’s favorite. The mashed potatoes and stuffing I was making to go with, weren’t ready to get started. He wound up getting home at just the right time. In between when I needed to be at the stove.
I wore a little coral sundress, today. I had put Adam’s favorite lotion of mine on, when I knew he’d be about to leave work. I checked my hair. Reapplied some lipgloss. He smiled at me, when he came around the corner. I could tell he wasn’t too upset with me.
When he put me down, in our room, he shut and locked our door. I can’t remember what I said to him? He bent me over our bed, held my hands out of the way, and spanked me. I wore thong panties, under my dress, so he didn’t even have to pull them down. He just lifted my dress, and had perfect access to my behind. It didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t awful. I think I got off even easier, beings it’s been such a long time since he’s seriously spanked me. He asked me a question. One that required a “yes sir” response. I stubbornly pretended not to know he was expecting a “sir”, after the “yes” I gave him. When I could tell he was going to spank me again, if I didn’t answer properly, I gave him his “yes SIR”.
After we left “the office”, I sent Jackie a text. I’d been talking to her about what was going on. The problem was, I accidentally sent that text meant for Jackie, to ADAM!
I intended that first text for Jackie…This was what I ended up sending to Jackie…
That was incredibly stupid of me. Even so, Adam doesn’t seem too bothered. I had my expensive watch band on my Apple Watch, when he’d spanked me. He held my wrists, while he kept my hands out of the way. My watch band had pressed against my wrist, so I wound up with a bruised and sore wrist. Oh well. If that’s the worst of it all, it’s fine by me!
I’m not sure if my friends “Paddlefan” or “AZPop” will see this, but Adam mentioned y’all. When I was arguing with him, he told me to ask y’all. He insisted Paddlefan and AZPop would be on his side of this debate about whether I should be punished, or not… 😜
I lied to Adam, a couple hours ago. Yesterday, I was so heated. I was ready to drive over to this lady’s office and raise hell about the excessive bill she was trying to give us. I talked with Adam about it. I told him I was going to go in there and see what I could do, today. Well, after my calmer head had taken over, I decided my best option would be to send an email to her. I knew if I was actually there, face to face with this chick, I’d punk out. Adam had text me and asked if I’d figured anything out, yet. I told him I’d emailed. I elaborated, by saying that I didn’t know if she’d be in the office anyway, so I emailed instead. He said okay. A few minutes later, I got a phone call from the accountant lady. I wasn’t rude, but I did get answers. I got her to reduce her price by about half. Which, was great! When I text Adam, to let him know, I mentioned that I’d sort of fibbed about why I’d emailed. I told him I knew I should’ve just told him this, in the first place. I really didn’t want to admit I’d lost my nerve. It’s not that easy to confront someone! Especially when you’re not full of anger and frustration, anymore. I can’t quite gauge Adam’s level of seriousness. I know he means it, but maybe not in the “I’m going to be sleeping on my stomach” kind of way? Or, maybe he is pissed? He’s calm and collected, regardless. So, it’s impossible to tell, for sure, what’s coming. For anyone who doesn’t already know, when Adam asks me to “step into his office”, that means I’m fixing to get a spanking. Every once in awhile, it’s just to talk. Most always, I’m going to walk back out with a sore behind. I suspect we won’t simply be discussing this little white lie, tonight.
I haven’t been this kind of nervous, for him to get home from work, since January. It’s been 3 months. I’m ticked off with myself, for ending this streak of awesome.
I ended up cutting Adam’s hair when he got home, yesterday. I’d told Jackie we would be over, as soon as I finished his haircut and he showered quick. Then, Jackie asked if I’d cut Justin’s hair, too? She likes the way I’ve done Adam’s, and Justin needed a haircut. So, I brought my clippers, shears, and combs. I hadn’t ever thought much about how intimate it really is, when you’re cutting someone’s hair. With Adam, and my kids, it’s never occurred to me how close you are to someone. Or, how often you’re touching them. Justin is a great guy. He’s truly a good friend of ours. It was just a different experience, doing my best friend’s boyfriend’s hair. They were both happy with the results, though!
I still needed to blend the front. We weren’t finished, in this picture. Jackie always takes a whole bunch of photos. I love that she does it 😊
Their brisket was absolutely incredible! I don’t really care for steak. I don’t hate it, but it’s not something I get excited about. I expected brisket to be similar. It’s not. I called it “the bacon of beef”. I will definitely be eating that again!
Deliciousness!
After supper, we played cards against humanity. It’s a hilarious game, so long as everybody in the group has our sense of humor. We had a blast. It gets silly.
Our faces after I played the cards in the next picture…I totally won that hand. 😂
I had looked at my watch, and seen it was a little before midnight. We were all having fun, so I thought we’d stay a little longer. The next thing we knew, it was 2:00am! We’d brought the kids home, after supper. They wanted to hang out here, since Mj’s best friend was staying. We made the five minute drive home. The kids were down in the basement. They had popcorn, chips, and movies playing. They were sound asleep, when we got home. We brushed our teeth, and climbed into bed. I can’t even remember what it was that Adam said, but he accused me of rolling my eyes, after he’d said it. I hadn’t rolled my eyes, but since he claimed he could see what I was doing, I flipped him off. I stayed like that, middle fingers up. He hadn’t noticed. So, I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about, because I’d been flipping him off for the last 30 seconds, and he didn’t see it. I guess the beer I’d drank, and our silly shenanigans all evening, had me thinking I was being funny. Adam didn’t laugh, though. He pulled me over his lap and told me he was going to spank me for 30 seconds. I had one of his t-shirts on. He pulled it up, and my panties down. Then, he spanked me so hard and so fast. I began to plead with him, “You’re going to make me scream and cry!” He’d never spanked me in that quick, non stop, repetitious way. When I get a tattoo, I learn how long I can count in my head, until the artist lifts the needle, and I get that moment of relief. It’s how I stay still and calm. I focus on the break in pain that I know is coming, in 3..2..1, as I countdown. Adam has always given me a break, in between every swat. Not last night. I do not like it! I’d have completely lost control, if he hadn’t stopped, shortly after I’d told him I was about to. I snuggled into his chest, with his arm wrapped around me, and fell asleep. I woke up later, to Adam removing my panties again. This time, for a different purpose. We made love, and then went back to sleep. I woke up this morning, wearing only his t-shirt. Overall, it was a wonderful Saturday night. No more teasing my husband with my middle fingers, though.
If I never get put over our bed, and spanked like I was last night, it’ll be too soon…
I pay most all of our bills through our banking app, or Apple Pay. For some reason, every once in awhile, something goes wrong. I scheduled one of our utility bills to come out of our account, weeks ago. I didn’t think about it again, until we got a notice that it hadn’t been paid. I went online, scanned all of my scheduled and past payments debited from our main account, and it wasn’t there. I’m still not sure how, but it disappeared. Adam didn’t doubt me, when I told him I know I had scheduled it. What he lectured me on, was not checking to make sure it had come out. This has happened before, several months ago. I agreed, I’m going to have to be more vigilant about double checking, but I didn’t feel like it was fair to get punished. Adam disagreed. He wasn’t grouchy, when he got home. We ate supper. I cleaned the kitchen. Jackie and I talked, for awhile. Adam came in, around 8:30pm, and asked me if I was ready to go take a shower. We walked into our room, and he announced, “Alright, let’s get this over with.” I protested! He swatted my butt a couple of times. It didn’t even hurt that bad. I was angry, though. I looked up at him and asked, “Are you done yet?!” He said, “Apparently not.” I refused to surrender, this time. I was mouthy. I wouldn’t give him the yes sir, he was looking for… I couldn’t begin to guess how many times his hand connected with my behind, before I finally gave in. I was struggling to contain the tears trying to escape from my eyes. Adam’s voice softened. His hands gently held onto me. He told me that, this hurts him too. Believe me, I wanted to say something snarky, but I held back.
I didn’t sleep well, last night. I couldn’t get comfortable, no matter what position I tried. My butt ached. I’d lay on my belly. My neck didn’t appreciate that. It was a long night, tossing and turning. Adam asked me, this morning, how I slept? I just groaned, because I knew that he knew I’d been rolling around, all night. He leaned over, kissed my forehead, and told me he loved me.
I texted him, awhile ago. I wanted to show him that I’d paid another utility bill.
Despite my sore, achy body, I’ve gotten a lot accomplished, today. The sun is shining. That helps. I can’t explain why I’m so stubborn, sometimes? I just have a very hard time accepting or admitting fault, once in awhile. When I’m seriously angry, my inner sarcastic bitch is unleashed. Until the last several months, even Adam didn’t choose to go up against her.
We’re having Jackie’s baby niece’s first birthday party here, tomorrow. After that, we’re heading to my dads. I really want it to be a fun, easygoing kind of weekend. I have absolutely zero intention of doing anything to find myself bent over this bed, unless I’m enjoying it!
It was only Adam’s second day, at this office, and he ended up working late, last night. He didn’t get home until after 7:00pm. The kids had already eaten supper. I couldn’t eat. The kids were downstairs playing ping pong, while I watched and waited for Adam to get here. It was honestly a relief, when I finally saw his truck pull in our driveway.
Even when he’s upset with me, Adam always strolls into the kitchen, and gives me his sideways grin. You’d think it was an ornery type of smile, if I didn’t know better. I smile when I’m nervous. Adam smiles when he’s keeping himself calm, and holding back something. We obviously have “real” smiles, most always. These smiles, last night, were not them, though. He looked at me. I blurted out, “Jackie went out to eat with new guy. The kids are downstairs, playing ping pong.” I went on, “New guy brought Jackie beer. He took her out to eat. How’s come Jackie gets beer and food and I’m in trouble?” Adam replied, “Jackie isn’t really my concern, right now. And, besides, give them some time. Remember when [you did the first really stupid thing, after we’d just started dating]?” He was referring to an incident, years ago. He did not punish me, that time. I wasn’t getting a “get out of jail free card”, this time.
Adam pointed towards our bedroom, and said, “let’s go”. I put my head down, and walked to our bedroom, with Adam following closely. He shut and locked our door. There wasn’t much conversation. He just bent me over our bed, pulled my pants down, and spanked me. I’ve only had one spanking worse than the one I received last night. After a round of perfectly aimed swats landed on my backside, he paused. Then, he began to lecture me about how irresponsible I had been. He still worried there could end up being some form of legal trouble, at least for Jackie. I should’ve used my better judgement, and never gone along with our stupid plan. After he’d finished lecturing me, he put me back over our bed, and gave me a whole new round of very attention getting swats.
Adam held me in his arms, while I clung tightly to him. He reassured me that he loves me, and there’s nothing I could ever do to change that. He came out to the kitchen, to grab his supper. He told me to eat, too. I couldn’t eat, though.
I had told Jackie I would text her when it was “safe” to come back home. She and new guy walked in, shortly after I sent her the “all clear” message. Adam was sitting in the living room, and Jackie walked over to him. She asked him if he was mad at her? Adam told her no. She asked him if he’s disappointed in her. He said yes. She got teary eyed, and Adam gave her a hug. New guy cheered everyone up. He is a really good man. We all talked for awhile, and the mood was much better, all around.
When we went to bed, Adam started to run his hands over my body. As he began to remove my shirt, I asked him to love me. He gently replied, “What do you think I’m doing?” Then, he made love to me. I slept in his arms, although I had to stay on my belly. My behind still hurts.
Jackie and I are heading over to ship this damned box of crap back to the company.
I need to start right off by saying, this is not for everyone. I’m only discussing what’s right for me, and what works for my husband and I.
Why does Adam spank me? To put it simply, because it works! I respond to him much differently, when he has the ability to “humble” me. I’m very quick witted. I can successfully argue just about anything, even if I’m wrong. I don’t back down easily. I am stubborn. Knowing that Adam can, and will, very calmly bring me into our bedroom, pull my pants down, and spank my behind without hesitation, changes the way I choose to interact with him. It forces me to stop and think, before I say or do something that I shouldn’t.
Why would you want to be treated like a child? You should be equal to your spouse! Personally, I don’t believe my husband and I are “equal”. We are certainly valued, equally. We are not the same, though. He has strengths that I readily admit I do not. He is a man, who takes his responsibilities as a husband and a provider very seriously. I am a woman. I have chosen to take the role of his helper. I have different responsibilities. I also have so many privileges that he doesn’t. I can stay inside, where there’s a constant comfortable temperature. I make decisions about our home and our children. I make decisions for myself. I even make plenty of decisions for Adam. The only time I’m “overruled”, is when Adam says so. He doesn’t do that often, though! I am perfectly able to voice my opinions. I can argue my perspectives. The only thing I cannot do, is disrespect my husband. If I try to argue with him by insulting him, or berating him, that just isn’t accepted. If a decision is made, and I disobey it, that is not acceptable. If I didn’t trust my husband to always be looking out for me and for our family, I would never have married him! I want, hell I need, my husband to be a leader. I appreciate his authority. I don’t want that job! We are living out a “traditional” marriage, in a modern world. I’ve said many times, I am not a doormat. I am not invisible. I am not meek and silent and abused. Adam works his ass off every single minute, so that I can have all the things I could ever want. He literally lives to make his family safe, comfortable, and content. He puts our needs first, always. All he wants is a little respect. I’m doing my best to give it to him. Still, I’m a flawed human being. I’ve lived most of my life thinking, talking, and acting the way I “felt like”. When Adam spanks me, I realize several things at once. First, holy crap, he means it. Second, holy crap, he loves me, even though he’s really upset. He doesn’t yell at me, because I do not respond well to it. He knows that. He knows when to be firm, and when to show me some softness. He knows me. He’s taken the time to learn who I am, and what works for us. Will this work for everyone? Of course not. I am happy. I am secure. I am satisfied. I am madly in love with my husband, and he loves me right back, in all the ways I need.
I also have to throw in, that Adam and I talk to each other much more than other couples I know. We don’t hold back. We can tell each other anything. There aren’t secrets. We just speak to each other respectfully. Adam respects me. He doesn’t insult me. He doesn’t bark orders at me. He puts me first! I am very well looked after, and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.
One more thing worth mentioning, is that Adam and I have more sex than other couples I know. Like a lot more sex. We’ve been together for 14 years, and I am crazy about him. We haven’t gotten bored with each other. We definitely aren’t boring, in bed. I may be trying my best to be a lady in the streets, but best believe, I’m a freak in the sheets…for Adam 😉
Chronicles in Submission 